Toasters often cost no more than a couple lattes, and usually feature less controls
and set-up than a Roomba.
But when it comes to actually toasting something, these tips just might lead you to the grub
of your dreams.
Keep it clean, people
"There's somethin poppin up for breakfast these days, it just might be the latest craze."
Every single piece of toast leaves crumbs inside your toaster.
But did you know this growing pile of crumbs could actually catch fire?
To avoid burning more than just your Wonderbread, unplug your toaster, pull out the tray, and
trash the crumbs.
You can even go all in, and shake the toaster upside-down to remove any bits that are still
clinging on.
Then replace the tray, plug it back in, and toast on.
Know your dough
"Now fix any size toast to order… thick or thin, long or short, even odd shapes in
the General Electric toaster oven."
Sliced bread is the greatest thing since, well, sliced bread — but if you're using
it for toast, you're doing it wrong.
That's because bread comes in all kinds of varieties, from light and fluffy, to dense
and heavy.
And since your toaster probably has only one temperature setting, the only way to affect
the final outcome is with the thickness of the bread.
"Come on, come on."
"Oh she's talking to me.
For so long I felt so unappreciated, so unloved."
The perfect piece of toast is crispy on the outside, but soft and moist on the inside.
And to nail that, you need to heat the bread so that the outside gets crisp before the
inside dries out.
So slice up your own — and make that soft bread an inch thick.
Heavier bread should be cut thinner to avoid a doughy center.
"Hmm hm hmm!"
Dial it in
"There's no better way to start the day, than with a delicious piece of perfectly crunchy
toast."
Despite what some British tabloids would have you believe, there's no one way to make a
perfect slice of toast.
Some toasters cook hotter, and others cook colder.
And we already know bread isn't one size fits all.
"You've got bread, and a toaster of some kind?"
"I don't make the rules."
Dualit USA sales director, Wesley E. Smith, tells Huffington Post that you shouldn't just
use one setting for every toasting.
Different breads toast at significantly different rates.
Sweet breads — like cinnamon raisin — and white breads — toast the fastest.
And heavier breads take more time.
In general, you'll win at toast when you turn down the dial if the bread is softer, older,
warmer, or thinner than the last piece.
If the bread if fresher, denser, colder, or cut thicker, feel free to let it run longer.
You can't bagel
When it comes to toasting bagels, things get a little more complicated.
Since bagels are denser than most other breads, it can take a bit more time to get good and
crispy.
While most toasters add time to the cycle when the "bagel button" is pushed, some toasters
also reduce the temperature of the outer heating elements to prevent burning the drier crust.
Insert the bagel soft side facing in, and then put an egg on it, or some shmear, or
whatever.
You do you.
Totally Toastabags
Putting cheese in a toaster is asking for a fail.
"Some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheese."
"Is that a thing?"
But toasters are just too convenient to be bad at grilled cheese.
That's why the universe gave us Toastabags.
Made from a Teflon-like material, Toastabags are fireproof pockets that allow you to make
a grilled cheese, reheat pizza or a panini, or make French toast.
Now the only limit is your imagination — and the width of your toaster slot.
"How did you manage this?"
"I bought it.
With money."
...What the what, toaster?
If you're still having issues, you might want to look at the appliance itself.
Toasters aren't created equal, and getting the right one for the job is tougher than
you might think.
"So this is breakfast?"
"Uh huh.
Toast."
If you're mostly going to be using it for bread, get a standard pop-up toaster.
But if you're going to be using this for things like bagels, waffles, hamburger buns, or Texas
toast, you're going to want to invest in a pop-up toaster with extra-wide slots.
"Alright, this chick is toast!"
And if you're doubling down on functionality, consider a toaster oven.
You'll have all the toast you want, plus that sandwich you tried to hack your toaster into
making.
It's also an ideal gadget for pizza bagels — which no one can be mad about.
So take these tips, plug in, and get toasted!
"This toasts bread while you're slicing it.
We're on a spaceship Arthur!"
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