- Oh, my god.
This picture of me from college just popped up on my feed.
- You're a widdle baby.
- Oh, I wish I could go back to college.
It was a crazy time for me.
- College is perfect for experimenting and trying
new things.
- Mm-hmm, new sex stuff.
- [GASPS] For me, it was drugs and alcohol.
- Yeah.
- How about you Klaus?
- I conducted many experiments which
defied the laws of God and man.
- Oh, wow.
Cool.
Yeah, I mean, hey, that's what college is for, right?
- Totally.
College is when I realized I like both men and women.
- Me too!
- Me too.
Man, woman, it matters not.
They are all sacks of flesh, interchangeable like children's
plastic building blocks.
- Exactly.
Oh, my god, I mean, the stories that I could tell.
- Oh, I have so many stories.
- The tomes of madness I have writ could feel 100 libraries.
- Totally.
Now, for me, college was the first time I had an orgy.
- [GASPS]
- Just young people exploring each other's bodies--
it was beautiful.
- Oh.
- One time I was at a party with my bros,
and we were going crazy on this formaldehyde drink.
- Oh, formaldehyde, yeah, that's vodka and absinthe, right?
- It's a substance used to embalm bodies.
- I haven't had that.
- One of my classmates passed out at a party,
and I did a prank on him by removing his brain
and hiding it in the dean's office.
- Dude.
- Ho-ho!
Ho-ho!
- Aha!
Ha-ha-ha.
- Is he OK?
- Yeah, he's fine.
He made an app that tells you all the places
you can find avocado toast.
- Toaster?
I use that all the time.
- Child's play!
I am the only person who dared to [INAUDIBLE]
as a mad scientist.
They no nothing of the power I wield over life and death!
- Still, it would be nice to have the money from that app,
right.
- Mm.
- Yeah.
- Do you guys ever wish you did college differently?
- Sometimes.
But mistakes are such a part of the learning process, you know?
That's how you grow.
- Yeah, that's true.
I mean, I cheated on my first boyfriend in college.
- Jess!
- I know.
But I have never cheated on anyone again.
- Oh, yeah.
I sewed the head of a Great Dane to the body of a man,
and now the dog/man terrorizes villagers in the Swiss Alps.
- You didn't
- Do I regret it?
No.
Did I learn from it?
After four to five more tries, yeah.
Now I have a loyal beast man to do my bidding.
- You better do your bidding soon because we're not
getting any younger.
- Tell me about it.
- God, I know.
If I party now like I did in college, I'd feel it for days.
- Oh, to desecrate a cemetery like I did in my 20s.
[DISTANT SCREAMING]
- You know what?
At least we still have the memories, right?
College, what a time to be alive.
- Hey, you said it.
And it's almost happy hour.
- [GASPS]
- You guys coming?
- Why don't get a start now?
- [GASPS]
- Oh!
- [CHUCKLING]
- Klaus, you little sneak.
- Oh!
- A couple of beers in the backpack,
that's a total college move.
- I love it.
Ooh, what is it?
- It's my own personal concoction, a powerful elixir
that will put you in a catatonic state
so I may harvest your organs and body parts
to create a creature most foul.
[CHUCKLES]
- Jeez, talk about a hangover.
- Well, you had me at catatonic.
[LAUGHTER]
- Ooh.
[EVIL LAUGHTER]