Title Fight!
My boy Skeletor, who most of the
younger folks will know from
Masters of the Universe:
Revelation. He and his squad are
held up on Snake Mountain, and
his whole thing is that he's
trying to take over a Castle
Grayskull and claim the power of
He-Man for himself so he can
rule the world of Eternia.
Yeah, okay, so look, we got
Eleven. She's from Stranger
Things. She was born out of the
MK Ultra experiments with which
I'm very familiar. So she's got
some wild powers. You got your
run of the mill telekinesis,
pretty much the most unstoppable
power in comic book or any type
of history...
Counterpoint to all that, you
know, Skeletor is flesh and
bones but he's also got his own
power set. So lemme come thru.
Skeletor is a Doctor Strange
moon with a Thanos rising. He's
a magic user. He has vast
magical powers, but he can do
forcefields, he can teleport, so
if you need to like hit the spot
real quick, oh let me pop over
to the bodega, get some garlic,
come back back. He's got it.
Also, he's got a familiar, baby.
He's got Panthor, got a big
purple cat. I mean, Eleven's got
a bike like I mean, I guess
that's cool in the 80s. And
also, he's got that laugh that's
just gonna discombobulate anyone
you're talking to you like
somebody, you square up with
some dude who's got a pimp cane,
a giant purple cat is coming
through that crazy laugh, I
think is a wrap. I think we know
who's gonna win that one.
Alright, so we're at the mall, I
imagine there's like a bunch of
there's a bunch of pretzels
stuff. There's a food court
bunch of tables lining the area,
there's a... they have Limited
Too back then? There's probably
a Pac Sun, Spencer's gifts, and
a Hot Topic right next door
because those are not the same
store somehow. And here we go.
I'ma approach. You know, I'm
gonna just test you. I'm gonna
just test you. I'm gonna hide.
Smart, smart strategy
considering the power sets.
Good. Here's what I'm doing. So
my boy Skeletor's just getting a
fresh pretzel with the cheese
dip on the side. Out of his
peripheral, he sees a small girl
creep up and hide behind a drink
cart. What I'm gonna do, I'm
gonna turn around, I'm gonna
take out my Havoc Staff. I'm
going to swing it and knock the
cart away, revealing Eleven to
me.
You're going Staff First. Going
staff first. That's an
interesting little... that's
very interesting. Okay, all
right, what I'm going to do is
I'm going to levitate straight
up toward the ceiling and now
I'm now I'm up in the middle I
imagine there's a little skydome
area where the sun shines
through and you know, I could
really present myself as this
this powerful young child that I
am you know, maybe invoke some
Phoenix Force energy, you know
what I'm saying? Just like just
to set the scene. Yeah,
yeah, I mean, look, that's a
good aesthetic. Counterpoint to
that. I'm gonna then use my
staff once again to teleport
myself up there next to you and
see what's good I mean, seems
like you're coming in pretty
strong. You're coming with some
weird energy like you creep up
on me...
You're gonna use the teleport
right away?
Yeah, right away. I'm just
trying to see what's up like I
don't even know if we got beef
yet. Like I'm just chilling.
Eating my pretzel. I see someone
creep up behind me. And they're
acting mad suspect. Next thing I
know, I look up, they're
teleporting to the rafters of
the mall. So like I'm just
trying to see what's good.
But can I just go ahead and like
close that portal around you?
Can I just split your body? I
feel like we can end this fight
real quick. Can I do that? Can I
just close that portal around
you? Half of you is on one side
of the portal other half is
still on the ground, what's up
now?
Okay, that's uh... I didn't see
that move. It wasn't in my play
set.
Now we got two Skeletors, one of
you is legs, one of you is top
part. What's up?
Okay, now that my body... now
that I'm assuming my upper half
is on the top of the rafters
next to floating Eleven. What
I'm going to do with with my
last bit of energy, I'm going to
yell out for "Beast Man, I need
your assistance!" And my boy,
Beast Man, who was also, you
didn't see him because you're
just focused on me, who's also
next to me getting pretzels, no
cheese dip, he is vegan, he
doesn't eat cheese. So like my
boy Beast Man. He jumps up there
now and he's ready to see what's
good. He grabs you in not like a
choke hold but like, when a
bouncer's like throwing a dude
out of the bar. He's yoking
Eleven out, right?
Okay, so I'm gonna go ahead and
what I'm gonna do, is I'm going
to take, I'm going to take Beast
Man's insides, and I'm going to
put em outside. By which what I
mean is I'm prolapsing your
entire internal organ structure.
Everything just through the
butt, and it's now on the
outside so Beast Man... Beast
Man has died is what I'm saying.
Okay. did not see that coming in
one of the curveball. All right
now as you prolapse Beast Man's
anus, RIP Beast Man, what I'm
going to do is with my remaining
last breath I'm going to shoot a
freeze ray. My second last
breath: I have two lungs, one
breath for each lung. Come on,
keep up. So like, I'm going to
fire my Havoc Staff and freeze
Eleven. I'm assuming she's also
still up on the rafters, so like
as she's being frozen, she's
being frozen midair. She's
tipping and falling over. Now
falling, rocketing towards the
Wetzel's Pretzels as a frozen
Eleven.
All right, I'm gonna just
deflect your, I'm gonna just
block your attack with with an
entire Hot Topic. I just like,
draw out the Hot Topic from its
little store front, and I'm
going to use that to deflect
your freezing shield. So now you
just got a bunch of cold Invader
Zim T shirts.
Okay, all right. This is the I
mean, I know I know. I already
teed this up for my last two
breaths. This is like my literal
last breath. Like I got, I got
nothing left. I'm tapped out.
What I do is I call my boy
Panthor. And I grab on to him
and we simply, You know what?
I'm gonna tell you, I don't need
to carry them. I'm just gonna
teleport them I'm gonna shoot it
like, drop out, they'll meet me
there basically. But I'm gonna
ride out, no legs, back to snake
mountain. And you know, just
playing with my boys, call all
my boys like "Yo, this girl
eating some Eggo's worked me
over. You don't want to see what
she did to Beast Man, like it
was not good. She hurt our
feelings. We're gonna come back
next season. We're gonna come
correct.
I'ma just throw an Eggo. I'm
gonna throw an Eggo at you on
your way out. That's all I got
left man! All right. I'm Yedoye
Travis.
I'm Cody Ziglar.
Let us know in the comments who
you think would win.
You get points if you think it's
Skeletor, but you know, don't
feel any pressure.
And we will see you next time.