uh our next guest is an award-winning writer and very talented comedian he
will be performing at governors uh in levittown long island now right there
we work anthony in on the bill that's right we get anthony this gig opening up for ray
that's how it stopped that wouldn't bother you would it ray the guys him
in fact later you could be like the new martin lewis aunt ray and anthony it'd be great ah we're
looking at huge money now uh this kid will be at levittown long island governor's march 21st
through the 24th do me a favor please welcome the very funny ray romano thank you very much well
thank you how are you heather you had a good saint patty's day i hope everybody yeah good
wow yeah you've recovered i can tell i had a rough weekend actually had a bachelor
party the day before i you know i can't do those anymore i'm a married man with kids
like it was one of those it was a bachelor party where all the married men had to meet
at the end of the night and go okay here's what we say we did all right here's what happened we
got in a fight with some other guys and they ripped our underwear that's all go with that
bobby you you fell and your nipple got pierced it happens it happens don't cave in
i married myself uh eight years coming up on eight years and uh we didn't live together first
although that has its advantages i if you're moving in with a woman here's my advice and
you have no experience that first day is the crucial day there's choices you make on day one
they don't seem important like you know like what side of the bed do you want oh i thought that
was trivial well that's your side for life right there i got screwed oh i blew it i blew the call
i didn't look i didn't look at the the tv angle oh i'm in hell oh it's horrible i got to watch
tv with a big toe in the middle of the screen for the rest of my life do you know what that's like
that's when i watch a weather report i just get from wednesday over that's all horrible
thank you
we have kids i have a four-year-old daughter and twin two-year-old boys running around yeah okay
it's always a mixed reaction it's great it's the greatest thing it's just there's there's
two two-year-olds in my house do you know do you know what one two-year-old can do in a house
well picture another one right behind him just cheering the other one on you know yeah yeah
throw throw that throw yes yes beautiful okay now jump you can jump from there yes that's a
jump don't be afraid i did it when i was one come on hari hari we gotta stick our arm in the toilet
oh they're nuts ever you ever pick one up you ever try to pick up a two-year-old and carry
him somewhere against his will they they every two-year-old has the same martial
art move really every one of them everyone has the the anti-lift slide
the the beauty of a two-year-old is as active as they are
once in a while something will just grab them and hold them and it's the simplest thing
that's the great thing about a two-year-old he can be entertained by nothing you lose that
as an adult look what it takes to entertain us now but for a two-year-old when a two-year-old
is bored he you know he here's 10 minutes for a two-year-old a little this right here
right here that's it 10 minutes
sometimes a new noise will get them you know they laid a little ladle ladle
that's i really i don't know about you people that doesn't cut it for me anymore
no one can tell them apart either the twins that gets to be annoying my mother will babysit for
us and she's frightened by it yeah she's correct but she's neurotic my mother my mother's actually
afraid she's gonna keep feeding the same one over and over yeah she's psycho he's nuts
we can't leave them we're afraid we're afraid to go on vacation they'll be a big fat baby
when we come home nice job beautiful job look come on they were identical when we left them
look at them now they're siskel and ebert what is wrong
thank you yeah so she has little methods she'll put like my mother will put nail
polish on one of them yeah or she'd say one day she told her she had no problem because
one of them had a scratch on his nose she was happy for the scratch it helped her
which was fine and then it frightened me because i didn't remember the scratch being
there when we left the house that's right it's a horrible thought but i wouldn't put it past
my mother she panics she said oh have a good time okay you're matthew that's matthew matthew
matthew has a scratch and he's a cry baby okay thank you very much
ray romano ladies and gentlemen thank you very much
you