- It wasn't that long ago that self-help
was seen as a secret vice.
You might quietly browse the self-help section
at a bookstore
or attend a live conference without telling your wife
- You gotta be before you can do.
You gotta do before you can have.
- And, oh, how times have changed.
Self-help has gone from fringe to mainstream,
from cringe to binge
- How the fuck is everyone?
We can't get enough of it, from courses to documentaries
and surprisingly handsome YouTubers.
The self-help industry is in Vogue.
And while the mediums
with which we consume it continue to change,
the backbone has always been the self-help book.
Over the past six years,
the number of self-help books released in the US
has nearly tripled growing from 30,000 to over 85,000 books.
And I read 100 of them
from the "Power of Now" to "Deep Work"
to "Daring Greatly" and "Awaken the Giant Within"
You can say that I have a bit of a problem,
but I've learned so much
from reading so many of them and the lessons I learned
might change the way you look at self-help.
This is one of the best selling self-help books ever written
first published in 1936 by Dale Carnegie.
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" is a classic.
In the book he quotes a British philosopher,
Herbert Spencer, who said the great aim of education
is not knowledge, but action.
And this is an action book.
And this lesson from over 100 years ago
is one of the most important lessons I've learned
from reading over 100 self-help books.
Taking action no matter how small
is the key to making progress.
You can devour all the self-help books in the world,
but if you're not actually implementing the concepts
you're learning, you may as well be reading fiction.
So if you're reading a book about personal finance
then test out the author's suggestion
to pay for everything with cash.
If you're reading a book about exercise
then take the author's advice to dust off your sneakers
and walk 10,000 steps a day.
If the goal is to actually make improvements in your life,
whether it's for your business finances or mental health,
it's essential to make sure
that you're taking these small steps forward
not just theorizing, what might actually work.
A good rule of thumb is to pick at least three concepts
from every book and to put them into practice immediately.
The best books make it easy.
One of the most memorable examples for me came from a book
called "The Flinch" in the book author
Julian Smith shows how we often flinch in the face of fear.
He uses the example of an amateur boxer.
The first few times someone throws a jab at a boxer's face,
they're going to flinch out of sheer instinct,
but if you wanna be world class
or even have a decent shot at not getting your kicked
you need to retrain this instinct.
The same goes for creative pursuits
and living a meaningful life.
In the book he says, want a real visceral example
of what the flinch feels like?
Try this when you're at home and have five minutes,
go to your bathroom
walk up to your shower and turn on the cold water.
He then encourages the reader to ditch the excuses
and jump straight into the ice cold water.
I distinctly remember reading the section of the book
years ago and thinking there is no way in hell
that I'm gonna jump into a cold shower right now.
But the more I thought about it
the more I realized, you know what?
Maybe I actually should be putting some of these lessons
into practice.
Maybe I should embrace the flinch and see what happens.
And so I jumped into a cold shower.
As Julian explains when we repeatedly expose ourselves
to these kinds of finches, both big and small,
from asking out that cute stranger
to giving a live talk in front of hundreds of people,
we can start to overcome fear and build the life we want.
The truth is most people don't actually finish
the books they start let alone put the lessons into action.
As Tony Robbins writes in the opening chapter
of his classic book, "Awaken the Giant Within"
less than 10% of people who buy a book
read past the first chapter.
I challenge you not only to do whatever it takes
to read this book in its entirety,
unlike the masses who quit,
but also to use what you learn in simple ways each day.
When I look at the list of the 100 self-help books
that I've read,
it's almost impossible to remember
more than two or three takeaways from each book
yet they're all brimming with life changing insights.
One of the biggest mistakes I made early on
was not taking better notes while reading.
While I've since fixed this bad habit,
I was often too precious with my books.
I didn't want to earmark the pages or annotate the text,
but if you read a lot
it's essential to track the important lessons and takeaways
that you glean from the pages.
Otherwise, it'll just go in one ear and out the other.
Author Ryan Holladay is religious
about note taking while reading.
He says the key to my system is the ritual,
read a book or an article and diligently mark the passages
and portions that stand out to you.
If you have a thought, write it down on the page.
So the exact system isn't as important
as having a simple way to capture and organize information.
It's all about finding a strategy that works for you.
So highlight the best ideas,
underline the most thoughtful quotes,
use post-it notes to remember the most impactful sections
or keep a notes app open while reading.
If you read a hundred self-help books
and you don't take any notes on what you learn,
you're gonna be wasting so much time.
You'll wanna come back to this information in the future.
So you need to make it as easy as possible
to find exactly what you're looking for
because oftentimes the things that are taught in these books
need to be relearned over and over and over again.
This is one of the reasons
that I've started to read physical books again,
the convenience of audio books
and digital e-readers is huge.
And I still use them to this day,
but nothing beats reading from an actual book.
Sure the tactile feeling of reading a book is nice,
but it's also easier to take notes
find exactly what you're looking for in the future
and it's so much more sticky
for your brain to read from a physical book
than to listen to an audio book.
One of the biggest benefits that I found
from reading self-help books
is that the authors essentially became my mentors.
When I got started out, I didn't have actual mentors.
I didn't personally know anyone
who had started a freelance filmmaking business
or who had made a feature length documentary
or who made YouTube videos for a living.
I'm not sure where to look,
I'm not sure what to do with my hands.
I had nobody to talk to about this stuff.
So I relied on books instead, while I couldn't hop on a call
with Brene brown, Seth Godin or Gretchen Rubin,
I could open up a book
to learn everything they have to share about leadership,
marketing and happiness.
There's a disproportionate amount of value
in self-help books.
Think about it.
For just $15, you can get access
to some of the smartest people in the world
to hear how they approached some of the same obstacles
that you're facing today.
If you're not reading self-help books right now,
you're missing out on a ton of invaluable content
that could change your life and save you a lot of time.
But that said, just because something worked for the author
doesn't mean it's going to work for you.
One of the biggest mistakes that people make
while reading self-help books is to blindly follow
whatever advice is being shared.
As Katie milkman argues in her book "How to Change"
when policy makers, organizations or scientists
applied one size fits all strategy to change behavior,
the results were mixed, but when they began by asking
what stood in the way of progress
and then developed targeted strategies to change behavior
the results were far better.
The best self help books challenge us to think critically.
The worst ask us to blindly follow a step by step plan.
As a reader,
it's your responsibility to question everything
and ask yourself, how can I adapt this to work for my life?
If you're a gentle, empathetic person
that aggressive sales advice you read in that marketing book
is probably never gonna feel right for you
no matter how well the author promises it'll work.
Oh, you wanna play hardball?
Huh?
Well, that's great because when it comes to balls
I'm the one that's gonna be rubbing you the wrong way.
Oh, my God.
I didn't mean it like that.
I am so sorry.
What's important is to be able to go in with an open mind,
find three things that you can test
and hopefully find one thing that'll stick for the long run.
This of course doesn't always happen,
but it's a really good goal to stick to.
The best thing about self-help becoming mainstream
and democratized is that there's something for everyone
at every stage of their self-development journey
whether you're looking to build better habits,
improve your focus, get healthier, or simply feel happier.
You can gain advice from someone who's already done it,
but what's important to remember
is that ultimately self-help is about the self, that's you.
With every piece of content you consume,
consider how you can be an active participant
in your own journey by questioning, implementing
and taking action in your own life.
Because while it's great to take inspiration
from some of these brilliant thinkers who came before you,
you need to be your own guru.
So if you want more anti preachy, non-prescriptive
self-help advice that you can instantly apply
to your own life,
then you might enjoy my weekly newsletter called Snail Mail,
get original articles and a digest
of the best self development content
on the internet every Monday.
People have been saying some really nice things about it.
I couldn't put it down
because of how interesting the topics were.
It was so much more than I expected it to be.
Snail Mail is so (beep) good.
You can sign up for these free Monday morning emails
at slowgrowth.com/newsletter.
Or you can click the little link
in the description below this video.
Hope you enjoyed this one.
Thank you so much for watching.