Well, I'm going to be going over eight ways,
that narcissist actually do sabotage themselves.
They do and I'm going to be going over that in today's video.
So, stay tuned.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am an attorney, I'm also a narcissist negotiation expert,
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Today, I'm going to be talking about eight ways
that narcissists sabotage their own lives.
Yes, they actually do, believe it or not.
So, what's the first way narcissists sabotage their own lives?
How do they do this?
You think that they don't, but they do.
I mean, eventually they do sabotage themselves
because they're just rude to people and
yes, they start off with this whole love-bombing thing and
for those of you who aren't aware
of how a narcissist functions in the world,
it is actually pretty crazy to me,
because I didn’t realize that they have these patterns.
I mean, they're horrible and heinous deal with,
but they really do have a pattern and
how they show up and function in the world,
whether it's in a business relationship,
your neighbor, or whoever it is,
the way they interact with the world is actually the same.
So, they start off with the called the idealistic phase,
or the the love- bombing phase,
which is, they come on super strong,
they seemed perfect, they're very chameleon like,
they know how to actually almost take on the traits
of whoever it is they're targeting,
so that they seem perfect for that person,
they move very quickly into the relationship
because they really want to move right
to the next phase of the relationship.
It's end of an exhausting phase for them,
it's not the phase that they really want to be in,
its kind of making deposits,
because they want to take out withdrawals.
You've heard the phase “Butter somebody up”,
I mean, they really are kind of buttering them up,
your know how somebody butters up a turkey
because they want to eat it,
I mean, they're not buttering up a turkey
just because they want to put butter on it,
they want to eat the turkey, right?
So, that's kind of what it is, in a kind of disgusting way,
but it is sort of what it is.
They love-bomb the person,
now they're devaluating the person and
then they go into love- bomb, devaluating and
then, the discard phase,
but it whether it's them discarding,
or the other person discarding,
it's kind of like those three phases of the relationship and
by the way, they're not linear necessarily,
they can go back and forth,
depending on what's convenient for them and
it's that way, whether it's a covert narcissist,
or an overt narcissist and by the way,
I have videos on YouTube on the different types of narcissists and
also on the phases of these narcissistic relationships.
It's kind of crazy how I didn't even realize
that there were these different phases of the relationship,
that there were these different types of narcissists,
or any of that sort of thing.
I can tell you this, that when I discovered,
that there was a “Covert narcissist”,
the one that I was dealing with in particular was a female.
At the time I thought, narcissists is for male,
I thought that narcissists were boastful, bragging,
kind of misogynistic, sort of loud,
I mean, I had this picture in my mind of what a narcissist was,
I remember when somebody pointed out to me
that this person I was dealing with was a covert narcissist,
I remember thinking,
“I don’t think she's a narcissist,
I think she's just really insecure”.
But of course, narcissists are insecure.
Going back to number one that they're very rude to people,
they have to eventually show their true colors
because it's difficult for them to maintain,
there's a certain level of “Niceness”,
for lack of a better word.
It's difficult for them to say,
I have to stay in this facade all the time.
So, they eventually sort of sabotage themselves,
because they can't hold that.
I am going to get through 8 of these and
I'm saving the best one for the end
because I have seen this in negotiations,
where they completely torpedo themselves totally
to the point where it's almost laughable
if it weren't people's lives, you know what I mean?
They end up doing this self-sabotage
because they're not self-aware about how they interrupt people,
how they can be abrupt to people,
how they come off to people.
A lot of people don't end up liking them very much
to be honest with you,
because they're not self-aware.
The people who aren't necessarily their targets,
the ones they're working on grooming and conditioning,
but they're working really hard to make sure
that they're under their spell and their control;
they may not realize how they're being perceived by those people.
So, they may end up kind of self-sabotaging with those people.
The other way is that they self sabotage
because they do have low self-esteem.
So, they may end up sort of not forming the best relationships,
or doing, saying, being and acting in the world in certain ways
that cause people to not necessarily want to be around them.
So, because they put their own needs first,
who wants to be around that a lot of times?
Who wants to be around somebody
who is constantly putting their own needs first?
Where they're talking about themselves all the time,
I've been around people like that,
where you're at lunch with them,
you're at dinner with them,
all they do is talk about themselves,
it's a very one-sided type of relationship.
I've had clients like that.
It's a very, very one-sided relationship.
So, if all they're doing is putting their own needs first,
they will end up sabotaging their lives in that way too.
They don't have authentic relationships with people,
they don't let people in,
they don't really let people see who they are,
and that's really sad.
So, they are incapable of forming true connections with people,
you know, how can they?
So, they do end up sabotaging their own lives,
even with their own children, most of the time.
A really good example of this,
I had seen in the miniseries with Hugh Grant.
I did a video on this called “The undoing of the narcissist”,
the series was “The undoing” and
I'm going to just do a little bit of a spoiler here,
but, he played this upstanding guy who was a physician and
he had committed a heinous act, I'll just say,
for those of you who maybe want to go back and see it,
I don't even know if it's still on, it was last year,
but he had committed this heinous act and
then, he was trying to get out of it,
he was trying to put the responsibility on others let's say,
and the closer and closer it got to him at the very end,
he tried to pin it on his own child and
at that point, that's when his wife knew
that it definitely had to be him,
because, who would do that?
I mean, as far as being incapable of forming relationships,
my God, who would do that?
I mean, that's just another way they are sabotaging their own lives,
because it's like,
“I'll only do something for you,
if you do something for me”.
What's in it for me?
They'll never do something for someone,
unless there's something coming back in return.
How sad is that?
The relationships have to be transactional and
boy, do I know people like that?
Most only scratch your back if you’re scratching mine.
Only if there's something in it for them and
and that is so narcissistic,
it is such a very big glaring characteristic of a narcissist,
that is for sure.
That is a huge red flag of a narcissist.
Have I seen this?
They just treat people horribly at a restaurant,
they make a huge scene, treat the waitstaff terribly,
super rude to people.
Then people eventually will see how they are,
where they're just outrageous.
I've seen this, where moms have acted awful at events,
I've been there with my daughter and
they make a huge scene at a theater.
So, when people just out act outrageously sometimes and
people eventually see it,
then, you start to know.
And by the way, this is not your problem,
I mean, don't take this on,
if you are in a relationship with a narcissist and
you start to feel like the narcissist in your life
is sabotaging their lives,
don't clean up their messes for them,
Don't do it!
This is what we do as empaths,
we start to take this on like we need to fix this for them,
write in the comments right now, “Not my problem”.
I mean, this is beyond even acting outrageously,
they go too far with other things too.
They go too far with how they behave,
even within a relationship,
it doesn't even have to be public,
they push somebody's buttons within a relationship,
where the person within the relationship just finally says,
“I'm done”, ‘No, thank you”.
You finally snap, you finally go,
You know what? I don't think I want to do this anymore.
I think that that's it, I think that's enough,
I think we're done here.
Where in the case itself, it becomes harassment,
it becomes vexatious litigations,
it becomes scorched -earth litigation and
that's when the judge starts to see it,
that's when the world starts to see it and
that's when these start to get assessed and
that's when sanctions start coming in and
that's when you start to have some serious leverage and
you start to realize,
wait a minute here, what is going on?
They even fire their own lawyer,
they start making serious mistakes,
they start thinking, “I can win this, no matter what”.
They actually start having these crazy notions,
like “I don't have to do anything I don't want to in this case”,
“I don't have to settle if I don't want to”,
“I'm going to court no matter what”,
they make ridiculous demands,
I've had people say to me,
“I'd rather pay you than her”,
you know, ridiculous things.
They really become their own worst enemy,
because they're just blinded by
I just want to make the other person suffer and
that is when they really are sabotaging their own lives and
By the way, you think, “Oh my God, Nobody is ever going to see it”,
let me tell you, the world does eventually see that,
judges do see that, mediators see that, lawyers do see that,
you do have to trust that the system sees it,
that the world will see it and
that justice, equity and fairness will prevail.
But, let me just tell you something I tell people all the time and
that is that, if you don't believe that you can win,
nobody can help you.
You have to believe that you can win first.
You have the best evidence in your hands,
lawyers know the law, judges have to apply the law.
You have the best evidence in your hands,
you have to organize it.
So, that's where I can help you and
that's what I do to help you.
You want to start with my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet,
getting that organized,
you can get that at winmynegotiation.com,
definitely start with that.
Join my free private Facebook group,
“Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
Make sure that you believe that you can win,
because your mindset is absolutely everything.
That's the most important thing of all.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
drop me a comment and
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Remember, never give in, never give up,
because they only win if you give in and
I will see all of you guys in the next video.