Finding out your boyfriend lied to you can be devastating.
On one hand you’re angry about him being dishonest with you, and on the other, you’re
probably pretty upset, or maybe even feeling betrayed or let down.
The good news is there’s usually a reason behind why your man felt the need to lie in
the first place, and knowing it can help prevent further dishonesty down the road… if you
can forgive him.
But we’ll get to that soon.
Hey YouTube, Amy North here, welcome to my channel.
Seeing as you’re watching this video, you’ve probably been in a situation where you found
out your guy was lying to you, which means you know how much it sucks, and how hard overcoming
it can be.
Before I start talking about what you should do if you find yourself dealing with a lying
boyfriend, I want to ask you something.
Have you ever ending a relationship because of lying?
To answer, simply click yes or no in the top right hand corner of this video.
I would love to hear from you and participating will give me some insight for future videos.
Also, if you answered yes in the poll here, then I hope what you’re about to learn can
help you down the road if you find yourself faced with a dishonest partner.
If you answered no, well stay tuned, because you’re going to learn some tips that will
hopefully put an end to you having to face that sort of situation again.
So without further adieu, what should you do if your boyfriend lies to you?
Well, the first thing is to find out why he lied to you.
Typically, there are three reasons for doing so.
The first reason is to make himself look good.
Meaning if he’s trying to impress you, or feels like you’re out of his league, the
he may try to make himself seem greater than he really is.
This kind of lying usually happens early on in a relationship, or if one person is feeling
insecure.
As innocent as it may seem, making up stories to make himself sound good, or fabricating
situations so you’ll think he’s someone he’s not, is still not healthy in a romantic
relationship.
Again, his intentions may be good, but if he’s only this amazing guy in made up stories,
then how great is he actually?
For instance, maybe he tells you about worldly travels to sounds more fascinating, or perhaps
he lies and says he’s up for a big promotion at work to make you think he’s really ambitious
or accomplished.
The problem with these sort of lies is that the truth usually shines through.
When it does you’ll have to decide whether or not the lies he told were too deceptive,
or if you can let it go.
The second reason men lie is because they’re afraid of how you’ll react if faced with
the truth.
In this kind of situation your guy is hiding something from you because he’s worried
that you’ll freak out, get upset, or be disappointed if he tells you the truth.
Usually these lies are intended to be harmless, and are told to prevent a fight.
For example, lying about why he’s late, saying he loves the burnt dinner you’ve
cooked, cutting the number of beers he had with the guys in half, or saying you’re
the only woman he finds attractive…
these are the kinds of lies he’s telling to be kind or keep the peace.
Sometimes it’s easy to get past these lies, other times, it can be tough to let them go
– especially if these are ongoing and get you doubting the other things he’s telling
you.
If you want your man to be completely honest with you, then it’s important that you take
a long, hard look at the way you behave and react when he does tell you things you may
not be happy hearing.
For instance, do you yell or scream when he shares news you don’t like?
Are you quick to get defensive or do you blow up on him?
If your boyfriend is afraid of your reaction, it’s likely the reason he’s not always
honest with you.
If you do want complete transparency from him, then you’ll need to prove to him that
you can handle the truth, and that he won’t have to deal with the consequences of sharing
it with you.
Remember, men despise drama and will do whatever necessary to avoid it.
If you’re interested in learning some powerful methods for communicating with even the most
stubborn men then check out the free video presentation on my site, coachnorth.com.
Again, the URL is www.coachnorth.com, and I’ll post it in the description below for
you as well.
Now, the third reason why a man would lie to you is out of malicious, self-centredness.
In most scenarios, these are the lies told when a partner is cheating or being manipulative.
Meaning if he’s lying to intentionally go behind your back and do things you wouldn’t
otherwise approve of, then these lies are probably pretty detrimental to your relationship.
When men tell this type of lie it usually is about where they were, who they were with,
and what they were doing.
Not to be confused with the first two types of lies, the truths behind these are usually
a means for a break up.
As much as I hate to say it, lies do slip into relationships from time to time.
When you’re left to deal with one, it’s important that you weigh the lie and react
accordingly.
For instance, if he tells you he’s already on his way home from work but is still packing
up at the office, you’re not going to react the same as you would if he lies about watching
the game with the guys, but is actually on a romantic rendezvous with his sexy new coworker.
Depending on the kind of guy you’re with, getting to the bottom of why he lied to you
can either be super easy, or really hard.
Meaning if he’s usually open to chatting about his feelings and thoughts with you,
then you’ll have a much easier time getting him to explain why he felt the need to lie
to you.
On the other hand, if trying to get him to talk about more serious matters is like pulling
teeth, then you’re going to have to put in a bit more work.
Just be sure that regardless of how he acts, it’s crucial that you keep your cool and
be patient.
No amount of screaming at him, crying, or demanding an explanation is going to get you
one.
In fact, acting like this will probably just make him recoil further.
Instead he needs to know that he can tell you, truthfully, why he lied, and that you
won’t rip him to shreds for doing so.
Once he shares his reasons for lying, you’ll need to keep your cool and hear him out.
For example, if he told you he was staying at work late but really went out for happy
hour with friends, then his reason for lying may not have intended to be malicious, but
instead was to avoid an argument because in the past your jealousy issues may have turned
an innocent ordeal into WW3.
In this case, he may have felt that lying was easier, and would avoid an argument.
I’m not saying this justifies his reasoning whatsoever, but rather knowing why he feels
the need to lie is important for making necessary changes in your relationship.
Sticking with the same example, you could make it known that it’s okay for him to
go out with the guys, but that you’d appreciate him being honest about his plans if he has
nothing to hide.
Again, depending on the lie you’ll have to decide whether or not it is something you
can work through together, or if it’s too heavy to get past.
If you do decide you can get over it, then you’ll want to stress how important honesty
is to you, and let your man know that lying makes it tough for you to trust him.
This sounds obvious, but reinforcing the importance of honesty and trust is extremely helpful
for preventing future lies.
You can let him know that you’re hurt by his deception, but do so in a classy way.
A calm, clear explanation from you is going to resonate with him much better than name
calling, crying or making unfair accusations, and will make it much more likely for him
to be honest in the future.
In the hours, days, weeks and months that follow a lie, it’s important that you give
your guy the benefit of the doubt.
Yes, you caught him lying to you, but holding that guilt above his head, making nasty comments
or questioning his every move isn’t going to do you any favours.
Instead, be honest about your feelings and when you feel your emotions getting the best
of you, take a breather.
Clear your head for a moment and before reacting, ask yourself if whatever you’re going to
say is necessary, and if it’s fair.
In other words, are you justified to say what’s on your mind, or is it just going to open
up a new can of worms over an incident that’s already happened and been handled.
Don’t assume that because you caught him lying to you, he’s always lying to you.
Instead give him the chance to prove to you that he’s trustworthy, even if that means
starting small or setting some guidelines for the two of you.
If you don’t, you man is going to feel like he’s walking on eggshells and before you
know it, your relationship will fall apart.
Simply believing in your man and letting him know that you’re in his corner and rooting
for your relationship will take you far.
So pick your battles, and react accordingly.
Well, that’s a wrap, thanks so much for watching.
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So then, until next time ladies take care and good luck!