Pickup artists.
My client had dealings with one recently, and it wasn't exactly pleasant, but she did
learn a very important lesson about confidence that I want to share with you today.
Stay tuned.
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Alright, pickup artists.
It's probably not the name that sends thrills up your spine, but what I want to talk about
today is a really interesting lesson that one of my clients learned from interacting
with one.
One, you see, pick up if you haven't heard of it, is basically men who teach other men
to meet women.
There is a whole spectrum to this industry ,and right along the spectrum there are some
quality teachings from the total natural coaches who teach men to just be better with women,
which is a good thing we could all do with some extra skills without the agenda, right
through to the people who are actively teaching manipulation.
Probably not such a good thing.
The more manipulative it gets, the tendency is that it attracts more insecure men.
The reason is if a man has positive beliefs about a woman and really wants to serve women
and be good with women, he tends to float more to the honest and natural side of the
spectrum.
Whereas if a man has negative beliefs about women and believes that women are running
a game he cannot win, he's more likely to go to a coach who's going to teach more manipulative
tactics.
One of those manipulative tactics is the neg and a neg in essence is a criticism.
It's a criticism designed to bring down a woman's self confidence or self value to match
his own, so that she's not up on a pedestal and she sees him as an equal.
One of my clients recently had dealings with a pickup artist, but she didn't know it.
She had a short lived romance with a man, and initially things were going very well,
but he started to get more and more critical of her.
He started to criticize the way she looked.
He started to criticize the way she was in bed.
She's, he started to criticize her as a person and she was bouncing back from a tough relationship
herself and this was hitting her self esteem pretty hard.
After this short-lived relationship ended, the criticism increased from him and got worse
and she was really buying into it and letting it affect her.
I was of course talking her out of it and talking about the mindsets, but there's no
question she absorbed some of it and had to work on it later.
Now something interesting happened afterwards.
Her friend actually knows this guy and her friend was talking to him and the dude was
gloating about something very interesting.
He was gloating about his pickup skills and he was gloating about his use of negs on my
client.
Right?
But of course this friend came back and told my client what happened and my client said
something very interesting.
She said, I'm so stupid if I just know when he was using negs.
If I just know when he was using pickup tactics, I would have known not to listen to him.
God, I wouldn't have taken any of it seriously.
And I thought, isn't that interesting?
Because what she's saying is saying, if this man, if I'd known this man was using a conscious
strategy to bring down my self esteem, I wouldn't have let it affect me so much.
In fact, it would have been like water off a duck's back.
And yet the same tactic from a man who doesn't know he's doing it is taken seriously by most
women.
You see, most negs don't come from pickup artists.
Most negs don't come from people doing it consciously.
There's a hell of a lot of insecure people out there who will see your value as high
and we'll try and bring it down by negging you, criticizing you to make you feel like
they're an equal and they've never even looked at a pickup manual or met a pickup coach.
There's insecure people all over the world and the reality is most people who neg you
won't be pickup artists.
Another client of mine was recently in a difficult situation with her former husband.
The husband sees their child once a week.
He comes around, he has visitation rights.
Now, she was really struggling to get over him and see him, especially because they had
to work together as well and she would often see him flirting with other women in front
of her.
She was really struggling with this, so we talked her through it and she got a lot better.
She put her boundaries up and she stopped letting it affect her.
But the moment she did this, the visitations went downhill.
It's like it made him insecure and now he was so much more critical when he came over
and visited their child.
In other words, he started negging her but he didn't do it cause he was a pickup artist.
He did it because he was an insecure man and this happens all the time, all around the
world from men who aren't pickup artists.
My second client didn't push the, push the insults away like water off a duck's back.
She took it seriously.
She was letting it affect her, you know, I guarantee if she thought he was a pickup artist
and was doing it for those reasons, she would have gone, nah, that's fine.
He's just doing it to get my self esteem down.
Just because someone is negging you consciously doesn't mean you ignore there and then as
soon as they start negging you subconsciously means you accept it.
My first client learned a valuable lesson about negative feedback and criticism from
men - that whether or not they're doing it consciously, you have to have the strength
in your frame to ignore it.
The reality is most people in your life who are critical of you and who neg you won't
be pickup artists, but you can use the same skill set that you would use for ignoring
a pickup artist negs for ignoring negs from 99% of other people in the world.
You have to have that resilience.
You have to have that water off a duck's back attitude that when someone negs you, you see
it as them trying to bring down your value.
Just because they're not doing it as a conscious strategy they read in a pickup manual, doesn't
mean it's any less bullshit.
I hope you enjoyed the video.
I hope you love the concept.
Like I say, let me know.
Make sure you give the video a thumbs up.
Hit that big red subscribe button, and I hope to see you in the next video very soon.
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