By the end of this video, I'm going to give you nine ways
to crush a narcissist and become what they fear the most,
so stay tuned.
Hi. I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm an attorney, an author and a narcissist negotiation expert.
What I do here on this channel, is give you tips and tricks
on how to shift the dynamic so that you can actually
turn the tables on narcissists and negotiate with them
in a way that allows you to come out unscathed, and
actually feel respected and set yourself up so that
nothing and no one can infringe on that ever again.
If that sounds like what you want,
subscribe to this channel and hit that notification bell.
Let's talk about what narcissists fear the most.
So, there are a lot of things that narcissists fear and
really what it comes down to
is what they don't want you to know.
So, let's talk about the psychology of a narcissist and
when you are negotiating with them, it's really important
to understand who it is that you're dealing with
so that you can understand what motivates them.
What it comes down to is understanding what
motivates them, understanding how to get them to shift
so that you can understand how to create a strategy
so, that you can understand how to create leverage.
That's my whole S.L.A.Y strategy, right?
Strategy, leverage, anticipating and focusing on you,
your case, your position. That's my whole S.L.A.Y methodology.
So, when you're dealing with a narcissist, you have
to understand that you're dealing with a person
who has very little sense of self.
They're actually very afraid people,
they're worried that if they give anything,
that they're going to not have enough for themselves,
its scarcity mentality at its most extreme, okay?
They're like the hollow chocolate easter bunnies.
They look good on the outside, but there's nothing
going on on the inside and the only thing that
motivates them is this sense of narcissistic supply that,
that they want this external validation.
That's the only thing that motivates them.
So what do they not want you to know?
What do they fear the most?
I mean, they're way more afraid of you than you are of them.
It's like the wizard behind the curtain in The Wizard of Oz,
They put this thing up like The Wizard of Oz does,
you know, the all great and powerful.
But the truth of the matter is,
they are way more afraid of you than you are of them.
That's number one.
That's why they do all the things that they do.
I mean, I did a mediation with one of the most malignant
narcissists ever and he came crashing into the mediation and
immediately started making unreasonable demands.
Like, there were these dogs that had been
at his house and the adult daughter had come over
to the house and had taken the dogs, it wasn't
even the wife who had taken the dogs.
I was representing the wife, she didn't have the dogs.
He starts off at eight o'clock in the morning,
“I want the dog's back”. She doesn't have the dogs.
“I'm not mediating, or doing anything until you have the dogs”.
He doesn’t want the dogs.
He just wants to make a statement,
he wants to demonstrate that he has control because
he’s afraid, he was afraid that this process was
going to be a scary process for him.
People who are not afraid,
they don't do things like that, they don't work that way.
Number two, they are the most scared creatures on the planet.
They really are.
They're not standing in their power.
They don't have that inner sense of feeling whole and complete
like that oak tree that just stands and moves with the wind
but really stays rooted and grounded.
I mean, it's like if somebody calls you a name
or whatever and if you know that that's not what you are
It's just bounces off of you, but they take it all on
because there they have no sense of self and so
all of their sense of anything of themselves comes from
the exterior, comes from that sense of narcissistic supply.
That's how you create that leverage because
that's what exposes them, right?
Then that leads me to number four.
That's how you build leverage, by the way.
It's around exposing them, and I have a lot more of this
in my video by the way, called
“The one secret that narcissists never want you to know”
which you should definitely check out,
but they definitely do not want to be exposed.
That's why they say things like,
“I'm gonna take you down” and
“I'm going to do this to you” “this is what's going to happen”
because they're afraid that you're actually going to do it.
They are scared to death that you're actually
going to fight back, because if you do,
they actually get unbalanced.
They don't want you to fight back, believe me. They don't.
They want you to need them.
They want to be in control of you.
I had a case one time where my client was
divorcing his wife, but his mother was actually
in control of the entire family.
It was an Italian family, and the custody evaluator
actually referred to her as like,
the Godmother, sort of like the Godfather.
But, she was like the Godmother where
she controlled the entire family through
the money and power, and all of that, and
the fact that my client was successful in his own right and
wanted to break away from the family,
was the cardinal sin and the custody evaluator
actually put that in the custody evaluation.
He no longer needed her, and
she was a malignant narcissist.
So, that was one of the things that happened
like she didn't want him to not need her.
Think about some of the politicians, I mean,
or some of the celebrities out there.
They'll do anything to stay relevant sometimes.
I mean, anything to stay in the news,
like you see them do crazy things just to stay
on the front page, just to have reporters talking
about them because they want to stay relevant.
They want to stay there.
They want people to be noticing them.
So, that's number seven.
That is really what they fear the most,
I mean that's what really crushes them, is when
you've completely wiped them from the CPU of your life.
That's the way I look at it is,
like your life is a computer program, and
you've been able to go in and just go
Here they are, here they are, here they are. Wipe. Wipe. Wipe.
You never existed in my life.
Who are you again? What's your name?
Like where somebody can actually
say their name and you feel nothing.
I mean some of the best emails and messages
that we get on my team are the ones where
people say “I did your program, I got the results
that I wanted and wow, the surprising result that I had
is that my fear has disappeared.
I am no longer afraid of this person”.
If you are so ready to feel that
you are no longer afraid of this person,
or whoever it is, or any narcissist.
because that's what they fear the most,
that you're not afraid of them anymore.
That you've just moved on
that you're not moved by them,
that you're not intimidated by them.
They're just an gnat flying around and really
that's the best thing for you too, by the way
because when you can get to that point,
where you have overcome everything that you needed to
overcome with any kind of a toxic personality in your life,
whether it's in your business life, or your personal life and
you've gotten to a point where you've been
able to not feel intimidated when you walk into a room
where you feel powerful, and persuasive and
you feel whole and complete and you feel like
you’re living into the person that you're meant to be,
that you're meant to be here, living into your power.
That's being who you were truly meant to be.
You are a person,
a soul who is having a human experience,
who was meant to be here, who's meant to shine.
You're not meant to be small and that is when
you are truly free and what narcissists fear the most,
that you're living in your power and really free.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
drop me a comment, and if you feel so moved,
Subscribe and hit that notification bell.
You are certainly welcome to download
my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com.
Also join my free private Facebook group,
“Narcissists Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
As always, I tell you,
Today's the perfect day to start negotiating your best life.
Please, don't wait any longer and start now,
ife is way too short.
You never know how much time you have.
All right, so thanks for joining me.
I will see you in the next video!