- Hey I'm Zach and I'm single as fuck.
When you're single you use online dating
but what happens after you match with someone?
You have to send them fun, witty messages.
I'm no good at it so I said fuck it and I
brought in two comedians who are gonna do it for me.
(buzzing and upbeat music)
- Hey I'm Jake.
- And I'm Amir and we are Zach for the week.
- We are competing to get Zach the most dates
but not just the most matches.
- A new match, Jessica, a message,
Sarah, a message, Hailey, a message.
- It's about finding him his soulmate.
- Comedy writers don't have a lot of
advantages in life, but when it comes to
texting with strangers, that's our wheel house.
- I messaged Jennifer, what's your Venmo?
I'll pay your student loans right now.
- [Amir] And?
- And she was so repulsed by us (laughing)
that she didn't respond.
- Will the other person understand our jokes
most of the times?
Maybe not, but at the very least
we're making each other laugh, which is really
all you need. - [Jake] (laughing) Not
the point of--, yeah. - Oh yeah, not the point.
- So Jake and Amir are both gonna set up
rivaling Tinder profiles.
They're both gonna be swiping as me for a week
and then at the end of the week we're gonna
check back and see who was the better Zach.
Am I being dishonest to people?
Sure, but is it for a good reason? Kinda.
- Profile's good to go, we are embellishing
your highlights, diminishing your lowlights.
I think this is the perfect profile.
I look forward to seeing what Jake comes up with.
- Hot, hot, fun, fun, funny.
Okay, so, whoa this guy's hot, I'll see his other photos.
Whoa, this guy's really hot. - [Zach] What?
- Then, wow this guy has a lot of fun.
Oh man, he has a lot of fun.
And he's funny, then they swipe.
- The ramifications of having two strangers
swipe for me for a week is only now starting to
settle in, this potentially was a mistake.
- The best thing about waking up when you're on Tinder,
every fricken' morning is Christmas morning.
Hey I got some gifts, they're shaped like
Chelsey sending me a GIPHY.
- I think that it's always easier to swipe
for someone else, like when I take
someone else's Tinder, I have no problem with it.
All of a sudden I know what to say.
I know how to be cool and confident.
But when you're doing it for yourself
it's so easy to get in your own head.
- Hallie, I messaged her, has anyone ever
told you I look like Ryan Gosling? (laughing)
- Both of them are doing things that I wouldn't
do for myself but also what I'm doing for myself
isn't working so, that's probably a good thing.
- Where did you go to college?
- Emerson College.
- Let's do, let's do Yale.
This lady works at NASA Jet Propulsion Lab.
- [Jake] What? - She has a really cool job.
- [Jake] Just like you went to Yale?
- She said I was helping her out when she's at NASA.
I'm like, oh, basically I'm an astronaut.
And then she's like, yeah I guess you are.
And then I said, call me Buzzfeed Aldrin,
(laughing) which is pretty solid.
Toilet time is Tinder time.
You gotta swipe, wipe and type right.
This is me, all day long, all day long, all day long.
- Oh I messaged somebody named Juliet.
- This girl I matched with named Tif, and I said,
Tif, you're named after my favorite photo file.
You should meet my friend Gif.
He's just like you, only more animated.
And then she blocked me.
- This girl I really think is Zach's soulmate.
Only sent me one message and she has written back.
- She's a humanoid mouse.
- Yep, and here, this is my favorite picture,
I think I've ever seen on Tinder,
she's drinking out of a toilet.
So I said, Amissa, let's stop playing
these cat and mouse games, because she's
dressed as a mouse, I've got cats.
- That's good. - [Jake] And she wrote,
shutup you love it.
Based on that response I was ready to marry her.
(laughing)
And I wrote fuck you're right,
and then I was like, oh no, I'm nervous,
and so I asked her a stupid-ass question,
I said, I'm sure you hear it all the time,
but would you mind explaining the toilet water fountain?
I don't know, I have no excuse.
All right, last day, how we feeling?
- Confident.
I know for a fact, Zach will find his lover.
He will find his soulmate, he will find his future ex-wife.
- When he looks at the Tinder that I curated.
Yes, yes (maniacal laughing).
Any given week for you, how many matches are you acquiring?
- In a normal week I feel like I would get like, three.
That's like a, like man, Zach's crushing it this week.
- I've got you 51 matches.
- (coughing) What?
- I got you 79 matches
to his 51. - [Zach] (laughing) Oh my God!
I think that both of you did a lot of really good work here.
I really loved the hot, hot, fun, fun, funny.
On the downside I think that you got a little
flustered by Amissa. (laughing)
You strayed from your own strategy which was
just to keep it light and have fun.
- That's true.
- On this side, holy fuck those are some of
the most beautiful people that have ever talked to me.
(dramatic music)
On the downside I do think that there's a little bit of
manipulation and misinformation going to Yale--
- You went to school in the Northeast.
- I think that in reality I'm going to
probably mash both techniques together,
(sighing)
but if I had to choose one phone (laughing)
(drum roll)
congratulations. (clapping)
You did really great work. - [Jake] That was really,
Thank you, thank you. - [Jake] It was a pleasure.
- It was fun.
- I don't know what to do with this,
this power and this knowledge.
- It's definitely fun.
- And I think that's the power and the knowledge
is to just have fun. - [Zach] Just have fun, yeah.
- If you sleep with any of these people
I'm gonna count that towards my total, that's fair.
- I think that's fair.
- I think that's fair. - [Zach] Is that fair?
- I'll call it an assist, for sure.
- How many assists equals one point?
- I think it's a totally separate stat.
(upbeat music)