[How to be a Hero To Your Kids #12]
The more our children look to us for answers, usually the better the relationship is,
and the greater the family harmony is, and the joy and the happiness in the family.
So I always taught my children there’s absolutely nothing off limits. No question, anything, you can ask me any question you want on any subject,
and I will answer it as honestly and as fairly as I can.
Whoa!
Trust me, you do that, you gonna get some interesting questions, especially from teenagers.
I was driving up from San Diego again, we lived way up in the mountains, about 45 minutes-an hour from San Diego.
And my daughter was 13-years-old, had her 13-year-old friend Sara with her. They were sitting in the center seat of the van and I was driving.
And I knew something was coming up, because why?
I would watch them in the mirror, and they’d go, “Psst, psst, psst,” and then they’d look at me and they’d go, “Psst, psst, psst,”, and they’d look at me,
you know something’s coming.
And so I go around this curve, get to a straight area, and my daughter jumps up into the front seat, and her friend Sara sticks her head up in between us.
And my Katie said, “Daddy, got a question for you, no big deal.” Haha, that’s when you know it’s a big deal! She said, “Daddy,
what’s oral sex?”…. Eeerrrk!…… Oh I didn’t expect that one Tell you the truth, I was blindsided. Now you have to understand
this was about 17 years ago eight grade. 13 years old Now think of that,
17 — said, “Dad, what’s oral sex?” I went, whoa, well no subject off base.
So I explained it to them. I said, “It’s not calling a 900 number and talking dirty!”
And I walked right down through what it was, and my daughter goes “Eeeewww!” And she jumps back to the center seat.
Well I get home and I’m sharing with Dottie, my wife, what happened, and all of a sudden I said, “Oh no, I could really be in trouble.”
And I said, “What happens if Sara, when she got home, and her mom is a single mom, and her mom says,
‘Well, how’d the day go?’ ‘Oh really great! Mr. McDowell talked about oral sex.’”
They’d have child services at my door. So I called up her mother.
And I said, “Barbara, you know how I raise my kids…?” I said, “Oh yeah, you know I’m very straight forward in answering any question they have.” “Yes.”
“Well, this is what happened today, and I thought I better call and explain it to you. And I walked them through everything,
and it was a long silence, and I literally thought uh oh, I’m in trouble. I went too far.
And then there was this big, “Aaahh!” And the mother said, “ “Thank God they asked you!”
Well you know I was thankful they did too.
But the next afternoon my daughter comes home from school. I’m in the kitchen, she comes up to me and she says, “Dad,
do you know why I asked you that question?”
Now, I really did want to know, but I didn’t want to seem too anxious, so I said, “Oh, why?”
She said, “All the kids at school…” Now think of this, this was about 17 years ago, eight grade. “All the kids at school are talking about it,
and Sara and I didn’t know what it meant
So in the car I said, “Well, I’ll ask my father,” and Sara said, “Well you can’t ask your dad that!”
And that’s when the psst, psst, and they’d look at me, and ‘psst — “I can ask my dad anything!” “No you can’t.” “Yes I can, I can ask my dad anything!”
“No you can’t.”
And then she said, “I told Sara I’ll prove it to you.” That’s when she jumped into the front seat.
Now can you imagine if I hadn’t answered that straight on and explained it to my daughter,
she never would have come to me with issues like that before.
She would have turned to her peers instead of to her daddy.
No issue or question is off base with any child.