- Introvert memes and information
is incredibly popular online,
and I have even shared some of my favorite ones
to my IG stories.
But did you know that there are four types of introverts?
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I'm gonna walk you through all four
so that you can decide if any resonate with you.
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Hey, I'm Kati Morton and I'm a licensed marriage
and family therapist.
I talk about depression, anxiety, eating disorders,
and really anything mental health related.
So if you'd like to subscribe, we would love to have you.
I promise you will always leave
with some helpful information for you
or for someone you love.
Okay, let's jump right in.
We often talk about introversion
in terms of, do you prefer to be alone?
Or do you like to be around people,
meaning are you more of an extrovert?
And we kind of talk about it in these black and white terms
that someone's either an introvert or an extrovert,
but communication can be difficult for many reasons,
but speaking another language
doesn't have to be one of them,
which is why I am thankful to Babbel
for sponsoring this video.
You all remember how I made a fool of myself in Paris
saying "Au revoir" to someone as I entered the restaurant
and they said "Bonjour"?
Essentially, they said hello and I said goodbye.
Well, never again.
I have been practicing my French using Babbel,
and I will be prepared next time Sean and I go to Montreal
to see family, or maybe we'll get to go back to France
for our 10-year anniversary next summer.
Either way, Babbel makes it easy
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They prompt you to set some goals.
Like, I set the goal of practicing five times a week.
And you can go back and review any mistakes
that you made in a previous lesson.
And it teaches you simple things,
like did you know that you can say "Salut"
when you wanna say hello or goodbye
to someone that you know?
I also learned how to say "Au revoir," "merci,"
see which I will definitely use
on Sean and I's next adventure.
And you too can learn a new language by using Babbel.
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Thank you again to Babbel for sponsoring this video.
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The truth is that it's really a spectrum,
and most of us lie somewhere in the middle,
maybe just a little bit more on the introverted side
or a little bit on the extroverted side.
In 2011, psychologists broke down inversion into four types,
and obviously, just like I said,
these are all on a spectrum,
but type one is what's known as social introverts.
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And this is often what we think of
when we think of introverts.
These people don't wanna go to that huge party
on a Friday night.
But it's also important to note
that a social introvert isn't driven
by avoiding social anxiety.
They are driven by preference,
and that's kind of an important distinction to consider
while we walk through these four types.
Introversion is not a mental illness, it's a preference,
almost like anxiety versus shyness.
I've talked about this in an older video.
People who are shy prefer to not,
it's like a personality style, personality type, right,
a trait of what makes us who we are.
Where anxiety is actually a mental illness
and we have uncontrollable worry.
And the same applies here.
Someone who is an introvert
isn't avoiding a social gathering
because they feel social anxiety.
They're avoiding it
because they prefer to not be around people.
Frankly, they find being around people
to be kind of draining,
and so they're gonna need more alone time
than someone who isn't more of an introvert.
Social introverts just prefer smaller gatherings
or alone time.
And if you're wondering, "Is this me?"
here are a couple questions to help you decide.
Number one, do you prefer small or smaller hangouts? Hm.
Number two, does it sound fun to you
to go on a vacation alone?
Number three, do you find yourself drained
if you aren't alone,
especially for those who are in a relationship?
Consider.
Moving on to type two, the thinking introvert.
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Now these are the people who move towards introversion
because they're moving towards space for thinking.
We will feel energized when we have time to reflect
and research and learn.
We can just find ourselves engulfed in it,
feeling like it's a breath in and we're so excited about it.
This isn't necessarily a preference for being alone.
Thinking introverts just may find themselves disappearing
into their minds, even if other people are around.
So like, let's say we're out to dinner with some friends,
if we're a thinking introvert,
someone might mention one phrase
or one thing that had happened in the news
and we get caught up in thoughts about the hows and the whys
and what we kind of know and what we'd like to learn,
and we can completely lose track of the conversation.
In the book "Introvert Power"
by clinical psychologist Laurie Helgoe,
she notes that these kinds of introverts can be mistaken
for extroverts because they're incredibly good listeners
because they're excited and they're learning
about you and your experience,
and they enjoy being around people
that can help them do that.
Now, if you're thinking that this might be
the kind of introvert that you are, here are some questions.
Do you ever get told that you are a great listener?
Are you driven to activities
that give you space for learning and studying?
Do you often tell people you need time to think on that
or reflect before answering?
Do you feel you are self-aware and reflective
or do you have a really creative imagination?
Consider those things,
and this one honestly kind of rang true to me
because maybe it's the reason I became a therapist.
There's part of me that just loves learning
about other people and learning about topics,
and I feel like it's kind of what's driven this channel
as well because all of you ask questions,
I get really excited, I get to learn about it,
and then I get to tell you what I've learned,
and I find that incredibly invigorating and fulfilling.
So this made me think.
The third type of introvert is the anxious introvert.
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And a lot of times we can think that we're social introverts
when we're really more of an anxious introvert
because it's not necessarily that we prefer that alone time,
it's that the time that we spend with people
triggers our anxiety.
So we're driven to avoid those kinds of settings
so that we don't feel anxious.
And I would argue that this is kind of more of a social,
like we actually have social anxiety or some symptoms of it,
but because this can kind of almost like feed
our introversion or be a component of it,
maybe the reason we like to be alone or prefer alone time,
I think it belongs here as well.
The anxious introvert can turn inward
as a protective behavior out of nervousness or fear.
If we think about it and how it relates to anxiety,
if going out and seeing other people
causes us to feel extremely, I don't know, vulnerable
or like we're being judged, right?
We have this intense fear of people thinking of us
in a bad way, and we can have this uncontrollable worry
about all the things people around us might be thinking,
we're gonna avoid it, right?
We're gonna wanna turn inward
because turning inward and spending time alone is safer.
It puts us out there less
so that we can potentially have less judgment,
feel less vulnerable, and therefore feel better.
But if you think this is you,
I've got some questions for you to consider.
Number one, have you ever been thought of as rude
and that's really confusing to you
because you're actually super kind,
you're just highly avoidant?
My good friend Lauren is like this.
She is kind of standoffish and she's really shy
and more introverted.
She prefers that one on one time.
And I've introduced her to other friends of mine
and they're like, "Why is she so rude?
"She wasn't even friendly."
And I'm like, "'Cause she doesn't know what to say
"and she's probably nervous 'cause you're a new person."
So that's kind of that question.
Does that resonate with you?
Number two, do you dread or avoid social interactions?
And number three, do you feel awkward or shy around people?
And the fourth type of introversion
is known as the restrained introvert.
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Now this was the last type identified in the research,
and they've called it the restrained introvert,
or some people prefer to call it the inhibited introvert.
Now, people like this are often
more reserved and reflective.
Their introversion doesn't present as shy or awkward,
but rather just thoughtful and considerate,
like they're gonna pause, take some time and respond.
Now when I was reading about this I was thinking,
"What's the difference between this
"and the thinking introvert, right?"
There's a lot of overlap here,
and I think it's because these are all introversion traits,
but the difference that I would say
between this and the thinking introvert
is that the thinking introvert has to kind of step away
and they wanna take time to think and learn,
and that's what gets them excited
and helps them feel fulfilled.
Well, this person doesn't need to be on their own
and go inward
and spend all this time ruminating and thinking.
This type of restrained introvert
just takes time to respond,
is more thoughtful and considerate.
And that doesn't mean that we're not considerate
if we're not this type,
it's just we're not spending all our time
thinking and learning.
We just are more thoughtful with our responses
and how we interact with others.
The restrained introvert is also often, you know, quiet
and dutiful and other people will want to rely on them.
So if you feel like that resonates with you
or you think this might be the type of introvert
that you are, I have a couple more questions
for you to think about.
Number one, do you like to take your time
and do things thoughtfully and methodically?
Hm.
Number two, do you find yourself drawn to activities
with clear and predictable structure?
And number three, are you often unemotional
in situations where other people show emotion?
And I thought of this
as kind of like one of our defense mechanisms, right?
We can look at things more logically,
or what we call intellectualizing,
meaning that instead of considering how we feel
about something, we consider all of the actual facts.
And this can be beneficial in some ways,
but if we find it getting out of control,
I just wanna like bring this little red flag
to your attention.
If you find that you struggle to get emotional at all
in situations where other people are,
let your therapist know
and consider that this might be a defense mechanism
and a way of protecting yourself.
But in this case
what we're talking about today is introversion,
and this could be an indicator
that you are that type of introvert.
Overall, keep in mind that these four types
run along a spectrum.
Like I said, no one's purely an introvert
or purely an extrovert.
Most of us are somewhere in the middle,
so we can have a combination of one of these four,
we can have all four, we can have none,
and we can still find ourselves on that introverted side.
And one of my main, I guess, tips on navigating this
is if we find let's say we need more time to be thoughtful
or we want to take a beat to respond,
communicating those needs can be incredibly helpful
in our relationships.
It can prevent, you know, unnecessary fights
or misunderstandings from happening.
And also know that it's okay to have these needs,
even if they're different from others.
As someone who falls kind of more on that introverted side,
you know, slightly to that,
it's difficult for me sometimes to speak up
and not feel like something's wrong with me, right?
Everybody wants to go to that next party
or go to this next big event,
and I'm not as excited about it
or I might need a little more downtime before or after,
and I have found that if I do communicate those needs
and also, you know, say to myself,
"It's okay, Kati, you just need that break,
"otherwise you're not gonna, you know,
"you're not gonna even enjoy it.
"You're not gonna be able to participate with people
"and have good conversations," I take that minute,
I talk nicely to myself, I communicate my needs to others
like Sean or other friends of mine
that are supposed to accompany me to events,
and it makes me feel so much better, I have to be honest.
It stops me from getting into that negative thought spiral
that I think some of us introverts tend to do
because, you know, we're supposed to be social creatures
and we're like, "What's wrong with me," right?
And that shame spiral is not helpful for anybody.
I hope you found that interesting and helpful.
Are there other types of introverts that you think I missed
or other traits that you feel like we should have covered?
Please let me know in those comments down below.
And again, please like and subscribe.
We would love to have you.
Have a wonderful week, and I will see you next time.
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