Another top 10 today.
We're going to countdown the top 10 ways to divorce proof your marriage.
In an earlier video, I gave you the top 10 things that could destroy your marriage.
You might want to watch that.
Link to it right up there, it'll just queue it up for you to view next.
Let's talk today about those top 10 things that you can do to divorce proof your marriage
starting with number 10, fix the toilet seat.
What do I mean by that?
Well, in the other video, I talked about how leaving the toilet seat up is one of the top
10 ways to destroy your marriage, meaning being insensitive to preferences and requests.
Usually reasonable requests of your spouse.
Sometimes we dig in and we say, you know what, I'm not going to do that because that's not
the way I like it.
You know what, folks, if you will be just humble enough to do it her way or to do it
his way because that's simply the way they prefer it and that's your whole reason.
I remember The Princess Bride, do you remember that movie?
And as he's tumbling down the hill, he says, "As you wish!"
And it's that kind of a mentality.
When I say fix the toilet seat, I mean be sensitive to those request preferences that
your spouse has.
Coming in at number 9 on our top 10 list, have fun.
Aren't you glad this made the list?
If we're not having fun, we're doing it wrong.
I'm just saying.
I think this should be a joyful endeavor.
We take ourselves far too seriously sometimes.
Lighten up, have some fun, plan some recreational activities that you can do together.
Couples who are having fun together tend to stay together.
Coming in at number 8, work.
It's going to take some work, don't be afraid of that.
it's probably a good sign that it's hard, alright.
Because it means that you're doing some work and while we're on the work, do a little more
than you think is your part.
You know, get it in our mind sometimes that well, this is my job and that's their job.
Forget about that, you look at the work that needs to be done in a home, in a relationship,
in a household, in a family and own it, okay.
Step up, do a little more than is required.
This will go a long way toward divorce proofing a marriage.
Number 7 on our list..
Be nice.
Use some compassion and kindness and empathy in your relationship.
I've been so amazed as I've noticed what we can learn from young children.
I've talked to a lot of kids in the course of my career, in my practice, even in my neighborhood
and my family and they have brilliant ideas sometimes.
When I ask children..What do you have to make friends?
You know what they say?
Almost always, be nice.
You know what, Mark Gungor is a marriage counselor and a pastor who has really funny video about
men's brains and women's brains.
Go look at the Tale Of Two Brains, you'll see what I'm talking about.
And he sums up his whole marriage philosophy in those two words, be nice.
Isn't that hard?
Now we're going to up it to number 6 on our list which is, choose love.
The love choice is summarized in 3 steps.
Now compare that contrast that to choosing hate which we talked about in the other video.
Choosing love is done by number one, assume the best.
Assume because you don't know what other people's intentions are, just take a position on purpose
by choice that they have good intentions.
That they are loving good decent people who are trying to do that right thing.
Assume the best.
Step number two, practice humility.
You don't have to be right about everything, let go of that and be humble enough to accept
that there might be some other ways of seeing something.
Be open instead of right.
Step number three, use that creative mind of yours to find ways to enhance and enrich
and lift and bless others especially your spouse.
You've got that creative mind, let's use it to build instead of to destroy.
That brings us to number 5 on the list.
Practice respect.
There is a big difference between people and property.
It is very disrespectful to treat someone as a possession or as property or to put the
value of property above people.
Practicing respect means that you see your spouse as an intelligent, wise, loving human
being who has much to contribute and offer.
Honor your spouse as that wise human being which brings us to number 4.
Forgiveness.
Now forgiveness is often misunderstood because it feels like if you forgive someone, what
you're doing is saying what they did that hurt you is okay.
No, that's not what forgiveness is.
I like to look at it as forgiveness is giving up your demand for a better past.
It's not making you feel better about what happened in the past, it's getting back your
future really.
So remember that.
Forgiveness doesn't fix the past, it gives you back your future.
Do this as a gift to yourself and to your spouse, to your relationship, to your family.
Now we're up to the top 3.
Coming in at number 3 on our list, be humble and willing to change.
I've talked before about one of the biggest problems that we run into in our relationship
is knowing that we're right.
Being humble is when we let go of our need to be right and trade it in for being open.
One of my client, Dave, had this brilliant idea and he shared it with me, he said, you
know what Dr. Paul, there are two kinds of people in this world.
There are those who are humble and those who are about to be.
I think there's a lot of truth to that.
Let's just choose to be humble on purpose d give up our need to be right.
Number 2, make it sacred.
Now I'm not talking from a religious stand point, although there are religious connotations
here.
To make something sacred, we hold it as being valuable and God-like and holy.
What if we made our marriage sacred?
That we put it in a place where we acknowledge it as being that valuable and this means also
that we connect with each other on a level of morals and values and sometimes that will
include our religious practices and prayer and church attendance.
Those things tend to strengthen and fortify and divorce proof marriage.
It also implies that we will abstain from profanity.
Meaning, all of those things that would take this sacred thing and throw it in the mud.
So profanity includes language but it also includes staying away from addictive or criminal
kinds of behavior.
Now when we broaden that description out, you can see why this made number 2 on our
list.
And now number 1.
Positivity.
Yeah, big surprise, right?
My whole platform here on Live On Purpose TV is based on this truth, that we get to
choose on purpose our proposition about everything including our marriage.
What if you were to choose on purpose a position that your marriage is good?
Now when you do this, you invite your mind to start looking for and finding and even
creating the evidence that that is in fact the case ad there is always an argument for
that.
Think about this for just a minute.
I know that you want your marriage to improve, right?
Of course, who wouldn't?
And it could always be better.
If we want to take our marriage to a place that's better, what's the shortest distance
to get to better if we start from good or if we start from this sucks.
Oh, it's farther to get there from bad.
You get to start from one of these positions by choice.
If you want to improve this marriage, then quickest way to get there is to take a position
now than it is good and from there, we can go upgrade it all day long and I'll get behind
your upgrade.
It's important to realize that you're choosing a starting point and that's why positivity
made number 1 on how to divorce proof your marriage.
There's so much that we can do and I bet someone in your world really needs this will use this.
I've shared it with you and I hope you'll share it with them.