hey guys welcome back this week we're talking about relationships and more
specifically when relationships are ending and why so many people are scared
to be alone are scared to be newly single
now if you've just entered a relationship or you're in the middle of
ending a relationship and going through a divorce or something of that sort
there's definitely a grieving process that you have to go through there's
definitely a process of sadness and of breathing you know that relationship
that is now ending you know one door is closing and another one is about to
begin and while that can seem very scary there's so many benefits to one door
closing and another one opening I want to give you some insights to kind of
switch your thinking from being alone to being a scary thing to being a great
thing and ready to embrace it now the first thing to think about is know that
you deserve better now regardless of how the relationship ended the relationship
ended so the chances are one of you or both of you were not happy in the
relationship and it doesn't matter if you're being the one if you're the one
that's ending the relationship or if someone's ending a relationship with you
and it's you know come off guard or you didn't want the relationship to end it
doesn't matter because what matters is is that even if you're the one that got
dumped or you know got left or you're the person that thought that the
relationship is great but the other person didn't you don't want to be with
someone who's not happy in your relationship because they won't treat
you the way you deserve to be treated be so knowing you deserve better is where
you kind of take a step back and reevaluate yourself and reevaluate your
past relationships and kind of see what is it that I want what are the things
that are going to make me happy in a relationship and how do I want to feel
in the relationship that's something that's so important because so often we
end a relationship and we go into another one and we have our lists and
usually the list is very different from our last partner you know I want them to
be tall dark and handsome and I want them to be wealthy and I want her to be
sit in queue in athletic and into sports and like all
of these nitty-gritty things and of course we always say we want someone
who's loving and caring and honest and things of that sort but we don't really
stop and think about how do I want to feel in the relationship and how did I
not feel in my last relationship what were the things that I felt were lacking
or the things that I felt like I wasn't getting so you know maybe you were in a
relationship with a partner and every time you really were vulnerable with
them you didn't feel that empathy coming from the other person or you didn't feel
seen or understood by them you know these are all things that you want to
feel in your next relationship so really taking the time to think about how you
want to feel aside from the things that you would like in a partner and of
course physical attraction is something that's very important but it's not
something that's going to last forever and at the end of the day we all want
the same thing we want to sign our best friend we want to find someone who's
happy and healthy and whole by themselves as we are that complement us
we don't want someone where it's a battle and we're fighting with the other
person either for attention or who's right and who's wrong we just want
someone who's happy and healthy on their own that can live life with us that can
be our best friend that can love us unconditionally the next thing to think
about in terms of ending a relationship is this is an opportunity for you to be
alone and to start loving yourself now if the relationship has ended maybe
there were things in that relationship that you notice where you weren't loving
yourself you know you weren't setting healthy boundaries with people or you
didn't have standards you know in your relationship and maybe you were a little
codependent and maybe you attracted a narcissist you know there are all sorts
of different ways but this is your opportunity to just be by yourself and
love yourself that's learning positive and healthy self-talk that's learning to
be alone it's learning to be happy and healthy just by yourself it's learning
how to fill yourself up from inside I'd that way you're not needing someone
from a lack place if you're not happy and whole by yourself you're always
going to be looking to attract people or you just will attract people into your
life thinking that that person is going to fill you up and you don't need anyone
to save you and to make you happy you want someone who's at your level of
healthiness that can just walk along with you in life and be your best friend
where you guys just complement each other so well but individually your
whole and you're happy that's the goal that's healthy love healthy
relationships learning to love yourself also has to do with when you're making
your list and you're thinking about the things that you want in a partner you
know if you want someone to respect you you need to respect yourself if you want
unconditional love from a partner you need to unconditionally love yourself
that means no negative self-talk that means not putting yourself down all the
time if you're not doing something the way it should be done you know the
perfect way it's just loving yourself for exactly who you are for and the more
you love yourself the more you will attract healthy people into your life
and that's a romantic partner and that's you know friendships because you'll have
standards and boundaries that people either need to meet you at or and if
they don't then they don't become a part of your experience and that's okay
you're learning how to love yourself so you can teach people how you want to be
loved another big saying when a relationship
is ending and you're now single and you're alone is do the stuff that you
love to do this is a great chance for you to you know if you hadn't worked out
in years this is your chance to start going back to the gym to get your body
into shape this is your opportunity to you know reconnect with people that you
haven't seen in a long time it's your opportunity to start a new hobby that
you've been meaning to start and you just hadn't have the time because you
were spending so much time with your partner an opportunity for you also to
you know plan a trip with your friends plan you know a golf weekend with your
buddies or you know a little getaway with your girlfriends this is the time
where it's all about you and you get to do whatever you want you don't really
have to compromise of anyone in the household
about decisions that are being made you get to just live life how you want to
live it at every moment in time the next thing to think about that's just so fun
when a relationship ending and now you're single and you're alone is get
excited for the future you know the reality is is that regardless how our
relationship ends you know if you've this is where you're at the point where
you grieved you're ready to start dating again you're in a good place and you're
excited about the future that's such a fun place to be because you dictate who
you meet you get to dictate the type of relationship that you're going to have
next and that's so empowering and you get to think about who's this person
that I'm going to meet and you know where am I going to meet them and and
think about how you want to feel you know every moment with this person do I
want to feel loved and understood and respected for who I am and what I do for
a living you know all of those types of things so it's such an exciting point in
your life when you can just be really excited about the future and who you're
going to meet and then it's a fresh start and so even if you have already
ended the relationship you're thinking about ending it I hope that this kind of
gives you a little bit of insight as to the positives that could come if you do
have to end a relationship and know that everything will work out at the end of
the day and you deserve happiness I'll see you next time guys