- Oh my God, did you hear about about Britney today?
- Oh my God. Yes, and she is so fat.
- Shut up!!!
- Anthony! Anthony, wake up! Wake up, Anthony! The house is on fire!
- What?!
- Psych! I got a girlfriend! Woo-hoo!
(singsong) I got a girlfriend, yeah, yeah, and I'm stealing your sweatshirt!
Pretty much the smokinest babe alive. Met her on this website. She's--
- Wait, you met her on Twilightobsession.com?
- Does it matter where I met her? No, okay? Shut up, then. Here she is right here. Her name's Antoinette. Super sexy, right?
- Dude, that--
That's my sister!
- Okay, I had no idea, all right.
- Oh, come on. So you're telling me you've never seen this picture before?
- I mean, I thought she looked familiar.
- You can't date my sister.
- Oh, come on, one-- one date. That's it.
- (sighs) You know what?
Fine, but only--
- Yes!
(singsong) Woo-hoo! Going on my first date!
Yeah! Yeah!
- Testing, testing. Testing!!! Ow.
- Later, dude. Wish me luck.
- Wait up. Wait, wait.
Here, take these. Girls love roses.
- Girls don't love roses. They like cool things like WrestleMania at Monster Jam.
- Dude, I've had two girlfriends before. I pretty much know everything about women. They like this kind of crap.
- All right, man.
Hey.
- What the hell do you want?
- Do you want these roses?
- Hell yes, I do! Thanks, man!
- Ian! Over here!
- Milady. Ugh, got a little hair in my mouth.
- Now let's see what you're talking about,
Ian.
- You have to go poop? You have to make a poopy? All right, hurry up and poop. I don't got all day.
Poop, damn it. I promise I won't watch.
- Oh, God, it's Brad.
- Brad?
- Yeah, my ex. He's looking at me. Uh, get under the table.
- Ah, screw it. I have to look. I don't want you
crapping on my shoes or anything.
- Hello, Antoinette. And who are you?
- Hey, dude, what's up?
- Not much, man. Just watching her take the biggest dump of her life.
- You know what? If you guys are so good for each other, why don't you get married?
- Oh, God, it smells like
my girlfriend's feet. I'll catch you later, man.
- See ya.
- Here's your chocolate mousse.
- Oh, thanks so m--
Wha-- oh! (glass shatters)
- Oh, crap.
- Let me get that for you, Antoinette. Oh, it's a mess.
Hey, me and your sister are getting married.
- What?!
- In two days.
- You're joking, right?
- (singsong) I'm not joking. We're getting married. Woo-hoo! Yeah, yeah!
Wah!
- Say goodbye to your marriage, Ian.
- Are you sure this is gonna make me a better kisser?
- When have I ever lied to you?
Come on.
- Okay, all right. All right, all right, here it goes.
- Dude...
What do you think you're doing?
- I thought we were doing the--
- I'm hypnotizing
you, dumbass.
- Really? Because I-- I was pretty sure we were gonna do the Cruel Intentions thing that the girls did.
- Just watch the damn pendant. All right, imagine that there is nothing in this room but this pendant.
You are getting
sleepy. All right, you seem pretty hypnotized now, so
everything I tell you from this point forward you will believe,
and you won't become conscious again until I hit you on the head with this pendant. Okay, so
the mere sight
of Antoinette will make you want to vomit,
and you won't want to marry her anymore, and Anthony is way cooler than you, and you want to give him your Xbox.
But the 360, not the old stupid big piece of crap one.
- What are you doing with my fiance?
- Nothing.
- Well, whatever it is, hurry up. We're gonna go shopping for my wedding gown, and I don't want to be late.
I'm gonna be in the car.
Hurry up.
- Oh, crap. Oh. No, come on, man, wake up. Wake. Oh, damn it.
(car speakers playing music)
(grunting) Oh, sorry.
He's-- he's just, uh, (grunts) obviously...
He's feeling a little under the weather, so...
He'll be fine, though.
(car drives off)
- How does this one look? I said, how does this one look?
That's it!! The wedding's off! I never want to see you again! You're such a pig!
(runs off crying)
- I heard about you and Antoinette, man. That sucks. That girl's always been crazy, but now it's just you and me again, just like old times!
Yeah, we're gonna so much fun! Come on! Yeah!
Fun! Yeah!
(laughing)
Come on up!
Then turn! (imitates engine revving)
Woo! Yeah!
Yeah! (chuckles)
(giggles)
(imitates airplane)
Yeah! Haha!
Ian!
Oh, man, that was a close one. I thought you were gonna get hit by a bus.
(honk, crash)
(birds chirping)
- That was easy.