With more than a billion dollars at the global box office, there's no denying that Jurassic
World was a dino-sized hit.
The movie is crazy fun, but Jurassic World is also far from perfect.
From head-scratcher decisions to a "happy ending" that still leaves about a million
problems unresolved, here are some of the dumb things everyone pretty much ignored in Jurassic World.
Improbable Rex
The star attraction of the newly revamped Jurassic World is the Indominus rex, created
as an apex predator designed to put the T-rex to shame.
Why?
So the park could attract all those jaded kids who are already bored with seeing lame, regular dinosaurs?
"The Indominus Rex makes us relevant again."
"The Indominus Rex…"
"We needed something scary and easy to pronounce."
When the park techs were putting together the focus-tested dino's secret sauce, they
included elements from a bunch of awesome creatures.
That gave Indominus everything a super cool dino could want, from ultra-strong senses to camouflage.
"It can camouflage!"
But...why?
The I-Rex isn’t supposed to go out hunting.
They feed it with a crane.
The whole point is to have an awesome, scary dinosaur for people to come see.
What good is camouflage for a zoo attraction?
What if it decides to just sit in its enclosure, turn invisible, and stay that way — like, all the time?
Then you've wasted billions of dollars, not to mention your guests' vacation time.
That's just poor planning.
Feeding frenzy
Crazy new dinosaurs aside, most people went to see Jurassic World for one thing, and one thing only: velociraptors.
Well, we got our wish early in the movie during a scene where Chris Pratt’s character, Owen,
runs through a training program he’s developed with his rap-pack.
"Blue!
Watch it!
Charlie, hey!
Don't give me that s---!"
A little bit later, one of the pigs he uses for training escapes and a park worker runs
out onto the scaffolding to lasso the pig to safety, only to get pulled into the raptor enclosure.
It sets up a cool scene in which Owen gets to jump into the raptor habitat and rescue
a helpless assistant, but...why is that guy even there?
And why was he trying to save a pig?
You know you can just buy a new pig, right?
And don't they have more stringent training for these guys in the first place, so they
know how to act around murderous dino-pets?
You're literally dealing with vicious killing machines, so why don't they at least put these
guys through a training course on how to, you know, not fall into the habitat?
While we all loved getting to see Chris Pratt do an anti-raptor barrel roll, you'd think
the requirements to interact with dangerous dinosaurs would be set a little higher.
Safety, shmafety
If Jurassic Park taught us anything, it’s that you can’t show a bunch of dinosaurs
to paying guests without tons of redundant safety measures.
Jurassic Park’s fences didn't do much good against a T-rex when the power went off, but
at least they kept the rest of the dinos in check.
With the park getting a reboot in Jurassic World, you'd think they'd have worked out
the kinks with that system, right?
Instead, they went the opposite direction and straight up got rid of most of the walls.
In the same vein, the introduction of the gyro-spheres to explore the park is very cool,
and makes for a gorgeous, sci-fi-styled visual.
But when all hell starts breaking loose, all they get is a warning to return to the park
via a wacky Jimmy Fallon video.
"Hey there!
I'm Jimmy Fallon.
Welcome aboard the gyrosphere."
Umm, if you're going to let people go ride around anywhere in a park full of dangerous
dinosaurs, how do you not build automated controls into these things?
There's a reason the guided tour in Jurassic Park kept things on rails: when you're dealing
with dinosaurs, you need to try to control as much of the audience experience as possible.
Even when that didn't work, at least they tried!
Don't just let your guests go rogue on a hamster ball safari — because sometimes your guests
are morons.
"Aunt Claire gave us special wristbands, right?
VIP, dude."
"Dude.
Off road."
You morons!
Tracker envy
Jurassic World has the most advanced tech on the planet, and every dinosaur in the place
is tagged with a tracking device.
So when they spot the scratch marks on the wall of the Indominus rex's habitat, why does
Owen go inside before he knows exactly where the deadly, intelligent, and — oh yeah,
invisible — dinosaur is?
Claire runs off to check the tracker, but instead of waiting for the results, Owen grabs
a couple techs and cowboys his way straight into the enclosure.
The entire movie hinges on this monumentally dumb decision by the guy who’s supposed
to be the best trainer in the park, since it leaves the door open and gives the dino
the chance to break out.
Yeah, Indominus Rex is smart, but at this point they’re just laying out a welcome
mat to the all-you-can-eat people buffet.
Dangling dinos
At the end of the movie, we get triumphant victory music, everybody hugs, and our heroes
are stoked that they've won the day.
But the "happy" ending isn't really so happy.
Did everybody forget that there's still an island full of loose dinosaurs, including
a T-rex, raptors, and a lot of flying, murderous reptiles?
Sure, Indominus Rex is dead, but all those regular ol' dinosaurs aren’t exactly kittens.
And what’s to stop the pteranodons from heading to the mainland?
The film never addresses it, but it's safe to assume that those and all the rest of the
escaped dinosaurs are probably feasting on hapless beachgoers.
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