There are some really big myths that we need to bust when it comes to relationships, love
and dating. And I really encourage you do not get into another relationship,
do not even go on another date, do not even open your dating app, until you watch this video.
Hey, everyone. Welcome back to my channel. I'm Renee Slansky. I am a professional dating and
relationship coach. And I help women, millennial women, find the relationship that they desire and
deserve and make love easy, date smart, not hard, and basically get the progress that they want.
Because if you're someone who has experienced a love life that has been toxic, volatile,
or maybe just non-existent, then there is a reason for that. And what I want to do is I
want to uncover some of those reasons in this video and make it really clear
on what you actually need, to be able to succeed in love, your next date or your next relationship.
Before I jump into that, don't forget to subscribe. Give me a thumbs up.
And if this video does help you, drop a "Thanks, Renee," down below, and let me know.
The first myth is this. Love is hard. We have this almost romantic
notion that love is difficult. Love is hard. We have to search for love.
And we've turned that into something that justifies our journey through painful love.
The truth is, love isn't meant to be hard. It's not something that should leave you
broken in the process, because that actually goes against what love is. You can't say that you love
someone or they love you, yet you don't feel loved and they've completely
destroyed you. It just doesn't make sense. We need to understand that love requires
effort, but love is not meant to be difficult or hard. And for some of you ladies, the reason why
you're continuing to stay in relationships or continuing to date from a place of difficulty,
is because you have this idea in your head that it's meant to be hard work. That it's meant to be
constant striving, and that if it's too easy and too simple, that there must be something wrong.
But that isn't the truth. Love is meant to be
easy. Love is meant to flow. Love is meant to come into our life with abundance and be received.
It's not meant to be something that we constantly feel that we have to strive for or earn
or be broken over, in order to be able to have. The second thing that I want to say is this.
Dating is not a numbers game. We have so many apps out there and online sites and access to these
dates, that it's easy to think that, "Well, it's just a matter of swiping through maybe 10 a day.
And eventually we'll find somebody that we like." Because when you think about it, we pass all
these people on the street. And we don't really think about the people that we pass
or the number of people that we pass until we actually find someone that we're attracted to.
Dating is not a numbers game. You shouldn't have to go on multiple date after date, after date,
before you actually work out what it is that you want and how to make that work.
And one of the frustrating things that I have seen as a coach is other coaches out
there literally saying to clients, "Try and go on 50 dates within this month." I mean,
how exhausting. Who the heck has time to go on 50 dates, let alone maybe even 10 dates. Truth is,
the brain can't handle any more than nine choices. So, if you understand, not only how neurologically
we're built to be able to select a partner, but also how to set yourself up to just
automatically attract and identify the right person for you, dating becomes so much easier.
It's not meant to exhaust you. You're not meant to turn this into a yes, no, yes, no, yes, on,
flower picking sort of episode. This is your love life. This is time that passes with every
person that you invest into. And if you're going to turn this into a lottery, hoping that, "Oh,
maybe it's this one. And I'll just keep trying, trying, trying," I can tell you right now,
you'll going to limit yourself. I know that you're thinking that you're giving
yourself unlimited choices, but in fact, it's actually going to have the reverse effect. And
if this is something that you find yourself doing, where you don't enjoy dating, you think that love
is hard and it's something that you have to earn, then what I suggest is check out my free training.
My free training is basically "Why Love Currently Sucks for You and How to Make It Not Suck." It is
a training that basically is black and white, on why you're struggling with dating and finding love
and what to do about that from a logical and wise point of view, with things that you can instantly
do to help get yourself unstuck. It's completely free and it's there for you ladies. I'll drop the
link down below, or you can simply click up above. All right, failure number three. Another big thing
that we do that sets us up for failure in love, is we have this concept that it's the right person,
but the wrong time. Sorry to burst your bubble, but there is no such thing. It's either the right
person and the right time, or it's the wrong person and the wrong time. You can't have both.
The right person will be available to you then and there, because you're ready for them and
vice versa. There's no such thing as, "Well, he's a great guy, but it was just bad timing for us
because he was this and that." No, it means you're on completely separate pages, heading in separate
directions, therefore where's the unity in that? You need to realize that
as much as we have hope, as much as we want things to work out because we're attached
to someone or we feel something for someone, if you're not heading in the same direction, and if
you're not meant to make it work, then the truth is, it's not about the wrong timing. It purely
means that they are the wrong person for you. All right. Number four. Another big thing that
we believe is that compatibility is about liking the same things. No, unfortunately, compatibility
is so much more than that. Compatibility isn't just about liking the same things. Compatibility,
is actually about capacity. Compatibility is about, "Hey, yeah, we like the same things.
We have common interests. We're heading in the same direction. However, we have something more
than that. We both have the capacity to grow together as a couple in that same direction."
If somebody says to you, they love you, that's awesome. However, do they have the capacity to
show that love in action? Because if you're doing all the work and they're not,
yet they're saying they love you, then there's a lack of compatibility there,
because you're not really on the same wavelength of what it takes to build a healthy relationship
and get the progress that you want. Now, if you're liking these points and you
can totally resonate with them, let me know down below by typing, "Thanks, Renee." And don't forget
to subscribe and give me a thumbs up. All right. Point number five.
You find love. All right, let's just bust that myth right then and there. You don't find love.
You build love. You may find a date. You may find someone you're attracted to. You
may discover someone that you had an amazing conversation with, and then you go on a date
and it's all fabulous, but love isn't something that you find. Love is something that you build.
It is something that takes time. It is something that needs to happen in stages and layers,
in order to make sure that it is real love and that it's setting you up for a
healthy relationship and realistic expectations. We, as ladies, love to romanticize everything,
thanks to Disney and Hollywood. We look at the Disney movies and we see the prince
finding the girl and she falls in love. And it's all very easy. Okay? Which is okay,
because love isn't meant to be difficult. However, it's still something that requires effort and it's
still something that is built, not found. And lastly, this myth is the biggest one
of all. You can't love somebody else until you love yourself. Well, guys,
that's not necessarily true. In fact, I think it's actually easier to give love to somebody else,
rather than to know how to love yourself fully. However, it doesn't really help if you are
giving love to someone and you don't know how to recognize and build self-love within yourself.
I think we've also got this stigma attached to self-love that we need to be fully whole
and complete and feel like we've arrived at this blissful level of loving ourselves,
before we are worthy of loving someone else or receiving someone else's love.
But the truth is, we never fully arrive. We're always changing. We're always making mistakes.
We're always growing and evolving, as a human. So, therefore the love that we give ourselves
is always going to be a consistent journey. As women, we have days where we don't feel like we
love ourselves, and sometimes that's just purely because of hormones. So, holding back on loving
someone else or holding back on them loving you, just because you haven't fully mastered self-love,
is really doing yourself a disadvantage. Now, I'm not discounting self-love. Obviously,
that is something that still needs to be worked on within you. It is still very fundamental, because
it actually helps you recognize real love from someone else and set boundaries and standards.
However, let's not punish ourselves and think that we're not worthy of someone else's love or
that we can't love someone else just because we're still struggling with self-love, within ourselves.
And again, if this is something that you feel like has turned a few lights on within your head,
I really recommend that you go and check out that free training that I have, because it will explain
why we get stuck specifically at certain points within our love life.
What that means and how to get unstuck and move forward without feeling there has to be this
massive battle or this life lesson that you're never really going to master.
The link for that free training is down below. So, you can go and check it out. All right,
ladies, I hope that this video has given you some sort of sense of permission. Permission
to either say no to toxic dates. Permission to either give love to somebody who actually
is worthy of your love and just a little grace towards yourself and the whole entire process.
And if you want to know more about my trainings and all of that, I have
plenty of free stuff down below in my bio. Until next time, don't forget to subscribe. Give me a
thumbs up. Drop a "Thanks, Renee" down below, and I'll see you later, next time. Bye for now.