- Some wars are stupider than others.
- Let's talk about that.
(upbeat music)
(flame roaring)
Gooooood Mythical Morning.
- Humans have been fighting each other
since the beginning of history
- Sad fact.
- And some wars have actually been good wars.
I would say the American Revolution,
World War I,
World War II,
Kanye versus Taylor.
We're talking about good quality fight.
But you know what?
There's a lotta really stupid wars out there too.
Dumb wars. Wars that shouldn't have been fought.
And when you find out why they started these wars,
you'll be like, "What are people thinking?"
And we're gonna find out how well
you think about these things today-
- How male I am.
Pretty male- - How male are you today,
Link?
- 100%- - As we play...
♪ War, what is it good for ♪
♪ Absolutely nothing ♪
♪ Except being the subject of this game ♪
Okay, Link- - Nice. That was nice.
That was a nice little ditty.
- Here's your first question.
These are fill in the blank.
If you get four out of eight, that's just 50%,
you get a special war prize.
- Oh, really? I get a war prize?
- A war prize.
- All right.
I have the questions here.
I don't have the answers here.
Some people are like, "Ooh, he's looking at the answers."
- No answers, just questions.
- I don't have the answers.
He does, in his brain, I think.
- The Three Hundred and Thirty Five Years' War
between The Netherlands and the Isle of Scilly
(Rhett giggles) lasted 335 years without any blanks.
- Without any accidents.
You know how like factories will put up sign,
it's like, "43 days since our last incident."
I might change my answer to incident.
- Without any incident?
- No.
- Please be more specific.
Please be more specific.
- I'm gonna say, as weird as it sounds,
I'm gonna say casualties.
- Link, the correct answer is casualties.
- Yes! I love wars without casualties.
- I was gonna let you say deaths, but you got casualties.
I feel like giving you two points, but I'm not-
- Do it.
- I'm not gonna give you-
- Do it- - Two points.
- Come on.
You got a pocket full of points.
Give me two.
- This is really weird though,
because they didn't even know that there was a war going on.
There was, it was, oh, please don't touch my nipple.
- I'm not touching your nipple.
I'm touching your pocket-
- No, my nipple is right under my pocket.
- Well, I thought there were points in there-
- I like to keep 'em to myself.
They didn't know that a war had been declared,
but they went ahead and signed a peace treaty in 1986,
after all this time, just to make sure that they were cool.
"Wanna sign a peace treaty?"
I'd really like to sign a peace treaty
with my imaginary friend, Clarence.
Clarence, you know what you did.
(Rhett laughs)
(Link laughs)
In 1932, Australia got into
a "nuisance wildlife management military operation"
with a mob of birds.
It was known as The Great blank War.
The Great blank War.
- Got into a war with birds?
- Hmm?
Maybe.
- Mob of birds.
I'm gonna say, The Great Bird Poop War.
- Really?
- Feces.
- Feces is poop.
- Bird poop.
- Feces is poop.
- 'Cause the birds were pooping everywhere in Australia
in '32- - Great guess. Incorrect.
(buzzer blares)
It was The Great Emu War.
- Emu?
- They had a emu problem,
because historians say that the emus were coming in
and destroying the farmers' wheat crops,
and then the- - They were.
- The government stepped in and said,
"We gotta handle this."
- War on emus.
- But you know-
- Reagan did that.
- A little birdie told me,
actually a big birdie, 'cause it was an emu,
told me that the real reason the war started
was because an emu insulted an Australian officer,
and said, "Your mama's so ugly,
that her shadow said, 'I can't do this anymore.'"
(Link laughs)
- Talking emu.
- Yeah.
- That's great.
- Yeah, with "Your mama" jokes.
- With jokes- - Out the wazoo.
- That's great.
Clarence on the back of the emu?
- In 1925 (Rhett giggles),
a war was started between Greece and Bulgaria
when a Greek soldier was shot crossing enemy lines
while chasing after his (hands clap) blank.
(Link groans)
Chasing after his blank.
Somebody's gotta do it.
- Pride.
Nope.
Donkey. Nope.
Dog. Pet.
I know it's a pet.
I'm gonna say his dog.
- You're psychic.
- No.
- The answer is dog, Link.
He chased after his dog.
That's correct. - Yeah, man.
I can see it happening, in my brain.
- The war did not last long,
because they realized they were fighting over a dog.
And the interesting thing is,
the dog actually looked like this.
- [Link] Oh! Are you serious?
- [Rhett] Yeah. And that's a great picture for 1925,
don't you think?
- They taxidermised the dog?
- No, that's a living dog.
- [Link] What?
- That's not a taxidermised dog.
That is a living.
That is a dog that ran into the freaking field, man.
- I don't get it, man.
- In the year 19...
It's not a taxidermised dog.
- Oh, it's just a scary-looking dog.
- It's a ugly dog- - Ugly dog.
Why would you risk life and limb for that dog?
- Oh, you get it now?
- Yeah.
I got it.
I got it right!
I don't have to get your dog right-
- Why would you chase after a taxidermised dog?
You wouldn't.
You're right.
- Well, I thought they preserved it, dude.
- In the year 1900, 3,000 lives were lost
when British troops went to war
with soldiers from the Ashanti Empire,
after Sir Frederick Mitchell Hodgson
demanded to sit on the royal Ashanti golden blank.
- Throne.
He wanted to sit.
You can't go.
You just can't roll into Ashanti's Empire,
and sit on her throne.
Throne.
That's my answer.
- I don't know if I should give it to you,
because the technical correct answer is stool.
- Stool?
- There's no sides to it.
No back to it.
It was just a stool.
- Well did the queen or king sit on it?
- It was actually a sacred thing
that they didn't let anybody sit on,
and when the pasty British man put his white butt on it,
they were like, "This thing is gonna be desecrated."
And they went to war.
- You know what?
- Should I give you credit for that?
- I don't want it.
(buzzer blares)
I don't want it because I'm so abhored.
Is that the right word?
- Yeah, right.
Abhored.
- I abhor it.
I abhor it.
- But you know, it does remind me
of the time I was at a party at Ashanti's house,
and Ja Rule came up to me and said, "Hey, that's my stool."
(crew laughs)
- Ashanti.
- In 1738 British mariner Robert Jenkins presented his...
You like my Ja Rule impersonation?
I worked on it for at least 10 minutes.
"Hey, that's my stool."
In 1738-
- What? It sounded like DMX.
- "Hey."
But he kinda talks the same.
In 1738, British mariner Robert Jenkins presented
a severed body part to parliament,
and then instigated The War of Jenkins' blank
between England and Spain.
- Robert Jenkins presented his severed...
I wonder if it was his Robert,
you know what I mean?
- His Robert?
- You know, Robert's Robert.
I'm gonna say finger.
Ear.
I'm gonna say ear.
- What is your answer?
- I'm gonna keep saying answers till I see it in your eye
that I was right.
- What's your final answer?
- Finger.
- Hmm. You should have said ear,
because ear was the correct answer.
(buzzer blares)
It actually took eight years for them to start the war.
For some reason, it took 'em eight years to realize
that, "Maybe we should go to war over this."
- And 10 years to grow back an ear.
- But you know, it's actually not the only war
that's ever been fought over a body part.
In 1994, there was also
The War of Tommy McThompson's Third Nipple.
It was just a fight at Harnett Central (Rhett laughs).
- I remember that.
- Yeah. You remember?
They pointed out that third nipple and he got so pissed.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- The blank War between England and the United States
was triggered by the shooting of a delicious farm animal.
The blank War between England and the United States
was triggered by the shooting of a delicious farm animal.
- Is it pig?
Chicken?
Chicken-egg?
Chicken-egg War.
Let's call it The Pig War.
I'm gonna go with pig.
That is a delicious animal.
- Link, you did it again.
It is The Pig War.
The war broke out
when an Irishman's pig ate an American man's potatoes,
and I'm talking about his actual potatoes,
like he was growing. - Well, yeah.
- And then he shot the pig, and that started the whole war.
So it's actually also known as The Pig Episode,
and The Pig and Potato War,
and The Pig and Potato that Sounds Good,
I Should Try that on a Burrito,
or at Least in a Casserole War
The last one's a little long.
- But it's a good point-
- I saw it on Wikipedia, though.
A 10-month war broke out in New Zealand
when British troops continuously raised their blank
while the native population continually cut it down.
- Cut it down.
- I was thinking a tree, but how do you raise a tree?
- Ah, you plant it and wait.
- Well, 10 months.
That's not a tall tree.
- Nope. A bamboo, though.
- Hmm. Bamboo.
- Bamboo is very big in New Zealand.
- Okay. So you're giving me the answer.
- Bamboo crop.
- I'm gonna say,
raise their children,
raise their...
- Children.
- Banner.
Flag.
Raise their flag.
- Now is this the flag tree, or just an actual flag?
- Flag pole.
- They raised the whole pole.
- You're right, Link.
The answer is flaaaag!
- Whoo!
- Which that means that you just got four.
- And I get a prize?
- You do get a prize.
You wanna do the last one, just for kicks?
- Gimme the last one,
but gimme the prize first.
- You wanna hold the prize for the last one?
- I want to hold the prize
for the last one- - That could be dangerous.
All right. Let's bring in the prize.
- One more question.
- Link. I don't know how I feel about this.
- Oh, snap.
- I'm gonna ask you to multitask.
This is an instrument of war, Link.
It is a real sword, and it is very sharp.
Don't touch it.
Don't touch the end, man.
You can't, it'll mess up the finish.
- Really?
- Yeah. Just touch this.
- So I don't cut myself.
All right, here we go.
For the last one.
- Listen, please don't hurt me, or me.
- What about me?
- Well, I mean, that's up to you.
- That's up to you.
- Actually, it's up to you
whether or not you hurt me as well-
- All right.
This is just gravy, man.
- Yes. For gravy.
Do we have gravy?
Get some gravy.
- Get me some gravy!
- While at war with Turkey,
speaking of gravy (Rhett and Link laugh).
(Link groans)
Austria. What are the chances?
- I could have inhaled this whole sword
if I'd have sucked harder.
- Austria,
please don't do that- - I'm glad that didn't happen.
Would have been swoop, it just would've gone down.
- Austria suffered 10,000 casualties
when one group of Austrian soldiers
got blank- - Fresh.
- Got blank with dancing nomads
and started shooting at another group of Austrian soldiers
they thought were Turkish.
- Austrian soldiers getting fresh with dancing nomads.
- It could happen.
I mean they're dancing and they're nomads,
that's two things going for 'em-
- Started shooting.
And there's no dancing like nomadic dancing.
- Yeah, it wouldn't be the first time.
(Link chuckles)
- Ain't no dancing like nomadic dancing,
and nobody dances nomadically.
That's my final answer.
- Fresh?
- Fresh.
- Link. I'm gonna get all the gravy to myself.
(Rhett laughs) - Really?
(buzzer blares)
- Because the answer is drunk.
They got- - Drunk!
- They got drunk with dancing nomads-
- Be responsible. - Started shooting
at each other,
but it doesn't really matter- - You Austrian soldiers.
- Because Link, you won the sword,
and you can experiment with that in Good Mythical More,
please don't hurt yourself or me, or me.
Thanks for liking, commenting, and subscribing.
- You know what time it is.
- I'm Tony.
- I'm Tom.
And it's time to spin the wheel of mythicality.
- If you wanna see how Kevin and Lizzie procured
this amazing sword,
you should watch Good Mythical Crew this Saturday
on this channel, and every Saturday.
- Yes. Good Mythical Crew.
But right now, click through to Good Mythical More,
where we are going to face off in an epic battle
of electronic battleship.
What?
- But not before we crown a new winner.
- Congratulations to...
- Zeoptimistic.
You win a GMM hat.
- Whoo!
(upbeat music)
- [Battleships Announcer] Target locked on.
(Battleships missile roars)
(game beeps)
(Rhett laughs)
- The miss sounded so pathetic.
- Yeah.
(Rhett laughs)
- Here's that guy from Ohio going...