﻿Sometimes, it seems as though there is every reason to be worried.
Is he seeing someone else? This new attitude,
is it work stress or has the relationship lost taste? Is there any hope going forward?
In today's video, we will ask the question: Is overthinking toxic in a relationship?
More often than not, the way we react to the ones we love has more to do with our
childhood experiences growing up than we would care to admit.
As the renowned American psychoanalyst, Harry Stack Sullivan, puts it:
"The outline of a child's personality is deeply etched by the anxiety of the parents."
Whenever we begin to question more than is necessary in that particular context,
that is overthinking. You might be wondering: How much is too much?
Well, in that case, you should also bring yourself to answer some questions concerning your question.
It sounds confusing, but in simple terms, Why am I asking this? If you are questioning the fidelity
of your partner, you should also consider: Do I have any reason to be suspicious?
In many cases, you do. But it does not mean that your partner is cheating. At least,
the person has not always been faithful in that instance so yes dear, you're not delusional.
Sometimes the suspicions are completely baseless. So how do our parents' anxiety shape our lives?You
will find out by asking these questions: How did my parents interact with each other?
How did they interact with me and, if any, my siblings? How
did they interact with other people? These are all imprinted in the brains of
young children so they continue to live in a certain way.
This is consistent with the fact that children that grew up with depressed mothers
are likely to become psychologically impaired. That's bad news.
So, if you have young kids, it's possible that your overthinking would affect them in
unintended ways, and the cycle would repeat itself all over again.
Overthinkers also include the self-possessed and the self-sacrificing.
Some want to be that hero without a cape, others are only interested in how
everyone and everything revolves around them and their little bubble of comfort.
When encountering a partner in distress, it will unconsciously evoke childhood feelings,
and the more the partner falls, the more obligated you will feel to rescue them.
Even if a relationship is over they continue to immerse themselves in pain and
the relationship lives on in their hearts. By maintaining this illusion of connection and
love, they remain in deep hurt and pain. The ones that always want to be the centre of
attention have probably been starved of attention in their formative years,
so they grow up seeking affirmation from anybody willing to pay a compliment.
Now, when this type of person is in a relationship with someone,
they become paranoid at the smallest sign of a perceived threat.
This leaves their partner very uncomfortable and of course, the partner would want to dissociate
from the paranoia, giving the paranoid even more reasons to be suspicious.
Another way overthinking destroys a relationship is through people that
are overdependent on their partners. People who are overly dependent are generally
formed through certain ways, all of which, again, start in the formative years of life.
The child has parents that have smothered her with assistance at every turn and now,
she thinks she cannot do anything alone. These type of people grow up to become weak,
helpless and incompetent. And you thought a little assistance wouldn't hurt!
They are eager to be protected, they fear abandonment and, as a result, have strong
feelings of insecurity and anxiety. In order to avoid being abandoned,
they try their best to please others and avoid conflict with others.
They live to serve others at their own expense, they lose their sense of self,
ignoring their own feelings, and focusing only on the behaviour and feelings of others.
It will come as no surprise that they overthink. These people usually end up
exaggerating their frustration and helplessness to maintain relationships with other people. They
show immature performances such as needing care, willful childishness, and all that. Everything is
just a tool to meet their dependency needs. Overthinking would definitely begin to cause a
rift in your relationship with your partner. By the time you begin to overthink simple issues,
there is no doubt that you would begin to keep to yourself and alienate your partner.
Although the trust issues might come from a traumatic past, either from the formative
years or past relationships, or even both! So, in order to protect themselves from disappointment,
the woman who lacks trust begins to desire to keep a distance from others
in fear that others will invade their world. Do you think overthinking is toxic in a
relationship, are you guilty of it? let us know in the comments.