Hey, the Oscar nominations came out yesterday morning.
Once again, we were snubbed.
They keep saying it's because we're not a film
and we're a talk show.
Whatever.
They made the announcement at 5:00 in the morning.
They always do it at 5 o'clock in the morning.
I don't know why they do it so early.
It's like the sign in my kitchen says,
don't tell me the Oscar nominations
till I've had my coffee.
I don't know about that sign.
Spoiler alert, I'm going to talk about movies right now.
So hopefully, you know about them.
OK.
Here we go.
Movies are visual expressions of stories.
A camera takes a bunch of still pictures
and records them onto a filmstrip.
And when a projector shows those images in a row,
they appear to be moving.
I'm sorry if I ruined it for anyone.
It's a strange year for Oscars because none of us
actually went to the movies.
Almost everything was streaming.
I never thought that 2020 would be
a year where it would be easier to go to Mars than a movie
theater.
So many great movies that were nominated, though.
"Nomadland" was nominated for Best Picture.
[APPLAUSE] I don't know if you saw that or not.
It's about a woman who leaves her home
and spends all of her time in her car, which is basically
anyone in LA trying to get to work.
They have a lot of traffic here, so that's the joke.
"Mank" was also nominated.
It's about a screenwriter who wrote "Citizen Kane."
"Citizen Kane" is about the rise and fall of a newspaper tycoon.
And a newspaper was the thing that used to come to your door
every morning with a bunch of stories in it
that you would read.
And reading was this thing that people did before we
watched TikTok's all day.
And then tick-tock is what my Nana called clocks
when she was drunk.
Will you go look at the tick-tock
and tell nana the time?
She didn't know where we were.
She would just do that.
So congratulations to "Mank."
"The Trial of Chicago 7" was nominated.
I don't know if you all saw the Trial of Chicago 1 through 6,
but the 7th one is great.
And I am waiting for the trial of Chicago 8, Chicago Drift.
So that'll be good.
A lot of great actresses are nominated this year.
Carey Mulligan, Andra Day, Viola Davis, Frances McDormand
and Vanessa Kirby.
It's a shame because Meryl Streep is going to win.
She wasn't nominated, but my money's on her.
That's how good she is.
A lot of great actors were nominated, too,
including Steven Yeun, who is nominated for "Minari."
First Asian-American nominated for Best Actor.
Congratulations, Steven.
That is one award Meryl Streep cannot steal from you.
I want to congratulate all the nominees.
You're all winners until they announce the actual winners.
And then some of you won't be winners.
Some of you will be.
But most of you won't.
And it's OK.
Because in the end, we're all winners.
Except for the people who didn't win.