Hello, my name is--
Hello, my name is Lyric Lewis, and tonight we're gonna
talk about Willy Hitler, the nephew of Adolf Hitler.
Hmm.
[belches]
Oh, excuse me.
So our story begins in Liverpool, England.
William Hitler is living his young life,
and in 1930, his father was like,
"Yo, come and meet your uncle."
So they go to the chancellery in Berlin,
and Willy is like, "What, what, what?
This is my uncle?" His uncle is the head
of the Nazi party, which, side note,
this is before World War II.
Hitler was like, "Yo, let's take a picture together,
then I'm gonna autograph it."
So they took a picture, and he had a big position,
and he looked up to him, and he was just like,
"Wow, my uncle's dope as [bleep]."
And Willy's like, "You know what?
I want a high-ranking position in my uncle's socialist party."
And so he moves to Germany.
It's very romantic in Germany and actually a good time.
Everybody was German, eating schnitzel.
Willy was like, "Hey, everybody,
"my name is Willy Hitler, Adolf Hitler's my uncle.
He's gonna hook me up."
So he bust in the chancellery,
he burst in, and his secretary's like,
"Oh, pump all of your brakes.
You know Hitler don't [bleep] with you like that."
So he waits. He doesn't wait a day,
not a week, he doesn't even wait three weeks.
He waits two mother[bleep] months.
So Willy Hitler was like "I'm mat."
- Mat, what does that word mean?
- Mat means, like, you're not even,
you're not mad.
You're not M-A-D. When you're "mat,"
you're beyond the point of mad, and you're like mad
and insulted. You're disrespected.
- Got ya. - [chuckles]
But anyways, he goes into his office.
Hitler was just looking at his goddamn maps.
Hitler was like, "Mm, mm,
my maps of everywhere I want to go."
And Adolf Hitler in his hand has a horsing whipping whip.
He's doing it at his toes.
[mimics whip cracking]
Adolf was like, "I'm so sorry that you have to work
for your goddamn money."
[mimics whip cracking]
"I didn't get this chancellor job for the family, so, no."
[mimics whip cracking]
♪ ♪
So Willy left that meeting, and Willy was like,
"Hell to the no."
Willy was pissed.
Milly was piss--
Mat, then pissed. - [laughs]
- And he decided that he wanted to do something about it,
so buckle your seat belt. [chuckles]
But, no, really, buckle your seat belt.
So William goes to the United States in 1939
and decided to do, like, a lecture tour.
And he spilled all the beans.
He's saying, like, "Yo, my uncle's, like,
super racist." He's saying, "My uncles want
"to invade your countries and take over
and do horrible things when he invades."
But people were like, "Yeah, well, okay,
okay, we'll believe it when we see it, Willy."
And then because of World War II,
he was like, "Yo, I want to fight for the U.S."
So he goes to meet with Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
And he was very impassioned.
And he was like, "I know that I'm, like, one person,"
but he was like, "I can fight for the greater cause of many."
And he's like, "I know I'm, like, one little baby Hitler,
"like, I'm, like, technically a Hitler," but he's like,
"I don't [bleep] with the Hitlers like that."
And FDR was like, "All right, if he says he don't
"[bleep] with Hitler, like, we can't chastise
the man for his name."
And so Willy, he gets accepted to the Navy, and then
he goes into basic training.
He--he trains night and day.
By day, he's running through tires,
climbing over ropes, underneath mud,
and he's like "Yeah, I can't wait to [bleep] see
my uncle's face and then shoot his mustache off."
- [chuckles] - [mimics gunfire]
He said--hold up. [belches]
Excuse me, he did not burp. [belches]
[grunts]
Ooh, it's wavy.
So Willy's on the ship. They're at war.
Big explosions all around.
He's a paramedic.
He's throwing aspirin in people's mouth.
They're catching it.
Holding their wounds, giving them little shots.
So he's in the Navy for three years.
So, all of a sudden, people are shooting.
It's like... [mimics gunfire]
And then he--wait-- and then...
Now, all of a sudden, there's a big explosion,
and he's hit with a piece of shrapnel.
He was like, "I'm out of the Navy."
So Hitler... - [chuckles]
- Baby Hitler, he-- - Baby Hitler?
Now we're going "baby"?
- Okay, so moving on. - [chuckles]
- So they honorably discharged him,
and America was like, "You know what?
"You're not just a baby Hitler. You a G.
You like an OG," and they were like,
"We're gonna give you a Purple Heart
because you earned this shit."
What? Okay, and then--
and then, he was like, "I'm gonna change my name
"to Patrick Stuart-Houston to get away
from the Hitler surname once and for all."
Boom.
Boom, in your face, Hitler.
And his sons, rumor have it, they vowed to never pass on
the Hitler name.
They deny it, but they've never had kids, so...
I think at the end of the day, Willy Hitler got the last laugh.
Ha ha ha.