the best of you are the best to your
family because your true character comes
out at home when you've had a long day
at work or a long day at school you face
a lot of difficulties a lot of struggle
you've had a hard day and you've tucked
it in so no one sees it of you no one
sees the flaws no one sees the
weaknesses
but then you go home and you unleash the
monster
you unleash the thing that's been
building within you the entire day and
who do you unleash it to the people that
you should care about most I know you're
all here for almost a day man I'm here
for almost today men too but 15 minutes
inshallah and we'll be done together as
was mentioned I actually have been
looking for the answer to this question
for the past couple months and it's that
a lot of people on the outside look at
you thinking that you are something you
know you're a youth director you're a
pharmacy student I'm sure many of you
are MSA members you lead things in your
message you're in Islamic organizations
you just graduated from college and now
you're a doctor or an engineer or you're
a teacher if you just grew a beard and
now people are calling you Schiff you
just wore the hijab and people are
calling you shayta and you know
sometimes it's kind of hard to reconcile
the fact that all of these people are
looking at me thinking that I am
something attributing the status to me
you know thinking in their mind that I
am super human or thinking in their mind
that I'm Angelic or thinking that I'm
better than them
and the question comes well what happens
when the people see something of me but
when I look at myself in the mirror I
see someone completely different
what happens when the person that people
see is not who I actually believe that I
am and how do we reconcile between them
so I I hope that this is a struggle that
I'm not the only one facing does anyone
kind of feel me on this all right that's
good I actually have a story that kind
of just goes along with this one of my
health students actually came up to me
the other day actually this was a couple
months ago and she was like so Shirin
like when you go home like do you just
eat dates and drink zamzan and I was
like no homegirl I eat cereal in the
morning and I eat burgers for lunch and
I eat koshadi for dinner you know I'm
normal
um you know just because I'm at the
message doesn't mean that I eat
something different where I breathe a
different type of oxygen than you do and
unfortunately you know in when we work
in these types of organizations or in
our Masjid people start to look at you
and think that you truly are not human
or that there's you know something
superhuman about you so that's kind of
the thing that I want to address today
is what do we do when we feel like the
person in the mirror is different than
the person everyone else sees
so subhanallah you know something that
we have to do is first try to understand
whether those people are two different
people
whether the person that you see in the
mirror is truly different than the
person that your community sees or
whether you're just being too harsh on
yourself and you truly are amazing or
whether you're thinking of yourself too
highly and you really should start to
reconsider some of the things you've
done and so I kind of came up with a
litmus test as what you can ask yourself
to try to understand whether those two
people are really two people or if
they're one
and the first question that you can ask
yourself is and I want you guys to think
about this if I were to go up to someone
in your community whom you work with or
if I were to go up to someone you know
on your shooter in the MSA or someone in
your measure that you work with or
someone that you've mentored in a hanaba
or someone that you work with at work
you know your co-resident or whatever it
may be and I were to ask them you know
tell me about Shireen like what is
light
what does when you're wishing
how do you feel when these people are
with you how do they feel when you're
around them
and think of that answer if I were to go
up to someone at work or someone that
you work with what would they describe
you as okay think about that in your
mind
now if I were to go and ask your sibling
at home
or ask your mother or ask your father
for ask your brother
what is sitting like to you
how do you feel when shadin is around
you how does Shirin make you feel
do you get a different answer
is it that the people outside think
something of you and when you treat them
you treat them a certain way yet you go
home and you treat the people at home
differently
and if you find that those two answers
are different then know that there's a
problem
and again I wrote this because I need
the answer and I'm saying this to myself
before anyone my mother's in the
audience and she can attest to this
but I'm sure many of us can look within
ourselves and say you know what those
two answers are different
the person that I am on the outside is
different than the one I am at home the
person that the community sees of me is
different than the one that my mother
sees of me you know and the prophet saws
told us he said
he said that the best among you are the
best to your family and I am the best of
my family why does the Hadith not say
the best of you are the best to your
communities for the best of you are the
ones who give the best speeches or the
best of you are the ones who give the
best for the best of you are the best at
work because it's really easy to be good
outside
it's really easy to be nice to the
people at work because if you're not
they're gonna sub tweet you on Twitter
and if you're not they're gonna think
you're terrible and they're gonna have
this illusion of who you are and they're
gonna talk bad about you
but if you do something bad to your mom
she's not going to disown you I hope
you know if you're disrespecting your
sister she's still gonna be your sister
but if you do something bad on the
outside you can potentially ruin a
relationship and so that's why it's easy
for us to be good on the outside but
it's hard to be good at home
and that's why the Hadith goes that the
best of you are the best to your family
because your true character comes out at
home when you've had a long day at work
or a long day at school you face a lot
of difficulties a lot of struggle you've
had a hard day and you've tucked it in
so no one sees it of you no one sees the
flaws no one sees the weaknesses
but then you go home and you unleash the
monster
you unleash the thing that's been
building within you the entire day and
who do you unleash it to the people that
you should care about most the people
that deserve the most respect for me
you know and that's and that's what we
do so I need you guys to think about
that
and I is
asked about the prophet saws she was
asked you know we know that the prophet
saws on the outside is amazing tell us
about what he's like at home we don't
get to see him at home Aisha tell us
what he's like at home and her response
was profound not just in the way that
she described the prophet but the fact
that it came from her she said
that he was a walking Quran he wasn't
just a walking Quran when he was at the
Masjid he wasn't just a walking Quran
when he gave a halaka not just when he
was in the community he was a walking
Quran when he was at home too
the Quran that he was walking he walked
outside and he walked inside the people
who were within his home felt the same
way that the people on the outside felt
that's why this is profound
that's why this is important but I'm
sure all of us are trying to be that
Quran and yamshi on the outside were
trying to be that amazing follicle Giver
on the outside we're trying to be
awesome to everyone on the outside yet
so the people at home we don't care
and there's a beautiful line of poetry
that I read the other day and it's it's
scary
listen to this
what good am I if I do not if I do not
fill the plates of the ones who fed me
but fill the plates of strangers
what good am I if I do not fill the
plates of the ones who fed me yet fill
the plates of strangers
what good are you if the one who raised
you doesn't see anything from what she's
raised you is
what good are you is the one who fed you
doesn't see any of the fruits of what
she's taught you the one who spent her
Blood Sweat and Tears on you for 20 30
years
and the one who is the reason as to why
you are who you are today
the one who helped you get there yet as
soon as we get our degree as soon as we
can speak as soon as we're something to
the community we forget about everyone
who taught us
we forget about the people who made us
who we are
so that's the first question you want to
ask yourself what does your public self
look like versus what does your family
see of you what do the people in the
community see versus what does your
mother see and what do your siblings see
and the second question that I want you
guys to think of and again I'm talking
to myself before anyone here is compare
what your Salah looks like in the Masjid
when there's a bunch of people in the
congregation versus your Salah at home
and the only person that can see you is
Allah and I'm sure if we were to think
within ourselves the answer to those two
questions at least for myself is
probably different
that when I'm outside I'm acting a
certain way when I'm inside I'm not
saying My Worship in the eyes of people
is not the same as my worship when it's
only Allah who's watching me and the
question is why does it matter who's
watching when Allah was watching in both
why does it matter who else is around
you when Allah was always around you if
you guys were at the session right
before this must have mentioned a
beautiful story and I'm gonna share it
so if you heard it I'm sorry that I'm
repeating but he talked about how when
he was 16 you know he became like a
Quran assistant in his Masjid and he was
teaching alongside of like this awesome
right he was talking about how he
was 16 teaching Quran and he felt like a
g he was like man I'm like awesome you
know I'm 16 and I'm teaching Quran to
other people
and so one day I guess he went to the
Masjid early like before fidget or
something and he went and he found that
his Sheikh's car was parked outside the
Masjid but all the lights were closed so
he's like okay that's kind of weird and
he mentioned that you know he had to go
make wudu so he walks into the bathroom
only to find that his scholar his
teacher one who was taught by many
righteous amazing Scholars before him
was on his knees cleaning the toilet of
the Masjid
like what are you doing you're an
amazing Chef you learned with this
person and you learned with that and
your status is like how are you on your
knees cleaning the Masjid
and his response was profound he says
this is the work that the one who sees
always sees
this is the work that when no one else
saw you Allah
because what we do is we love to be the
one with the microphone we love to be
the one who everyone can attribute
things to we love to be the one with the
title
you know I love to be quoted I love for
people to know who I am yeah Allah sees
the things that no one else sees the
things that you thought no one saw when
you did the dishes and your mom didn't
tell you thank you Allah saw that
you know when you pick something off the
floor and no one saw it Allah
the reason why we do things in the
community is because we're really we
love that recognition we love for people
to Pat us on the back and say good job
we love the volunteer appreciation
dinner we love that
But realize you're not always going to
get it and sometimes it's better for you
that only Allah and it could be that
that deed that you did in secret that no
one saw besides Allah is the reason why
you entered Jannah and everything that
you've done in the public everything
that people saw everything that was out
in the open was stuff that you did for
the wrong reasons and you never know
that may not even count for you
so this is kind of our thought process
in understanding whether or not we have
this problem now once you find out you
have the problem what do I do what's the
solution
so a couple things I was thinking about
is if you feel like people are holding
you up to this standard you know you are
this and this and this and you have this
title and this title and this title and
you're amazing
challenge yourself to live up to that
standard that people are holding you to
you know if you go home and you say man
people think I'm great but I'm actually
not try to actually be great and it's
not for the people it's not for people
to say you know was great but it's for
me to improve myself so Allah can say
sharing Salama was great for me to take
the standard that you put Mia and to try
to actually achieve it not for you but
for Allah
and the second thing is that for every
public deed that you do in the eyes of
people that you double that in your
private in your private life in your
private ibadan the man if you prayed in
the Masjid try to pray at home when no
one else can see you besides Allah try
to wake up when everyone's asleep in the
dark just you and Allah create that
relationship
and the third and this is a diet that
was taught to us by Abu Bakr who used to
receive praise and there was this
beautiful diet that he used to say and
it goes
which translates to oh Allah forgive me
for what they do not know about me and
make me better than what they think that
I am
because it's funny we like to cover up
the fact that all of us have a hidden
past all of us have some secret all of
us have some saying all of us have
something that we've done that no one
else knows but remember that when you're
being praised that you once were in that
state not to put yourself down but for
you to remember that Allah is the one
who brought you there
and finally and I'll conclude in
reminding us that this is a journey this
by no means is something that we are
going to accomplish it's going to be a
constant struggle but at least when we
die we'll be dying on the path and
struggle for the sake of Allah so I ask
Allah to make us among those who can
improve upon ourselves and to make the
journey to him easy
[Applause]
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thank you
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foreign
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