YOU KNOW, DONALD TRUMP WAS SO ANGRY ABOUT "THE WASHINGTON
POST" RUSHAR BOMBSHELL THAT HE TWEETEDDED ABOUT THEIR OWNER
AMAZON FOUNDER AND MEDITATION INSTRUCTOR WHO SAYS HE RECS ARE
PERFECTLY NATURAL, JEFF BEZOS.
BEZOS IS GETTING A DIVORCE OF HIS WIFE OF 25 YEARS AND THE "TH
NATIONAL ENQUIRER" RECENTLY PUBLISHED A SERIES OF LASCIVIOUS
TEXT BETWEEN BEZOS AND HIS GIRLFRIEND LEADING TRUMP TO
TWEET SO HORREE TO HEAR THE NEWS ABOUT JEFF BOZO BEING TAKEN DOWN
BY A COMPETITOR WHOSE REPORTING, I UNDERSTAND, IS FAR MORE
ACCURATE THAN THE REPORTING IN HIS LOBBYIST NEWSPAPER, THE
AMAZON "WASHINGTON POST."
FIRST OF ALL, A MAN WITH AN ORANGE FACE AND COTTON CANDY
HAIR IS COMPARING SOMEONE ELSE TO A CLOWN.
YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYINGK THOSE WHO LIVE IN GLASS HOUSES
SHOULDN'T THROW GIANT SHOES.
AND SECOND, THE NATIONAL INQUIRER IS NOT A EXET TOTTER
"WASHINGTON POST."
"THE WASHINGTON POST" BROKE WATERGATE, "THE NATIONAL
ENQUIRER" BROKE THE CHER SEX CULT SCANDAL.
OH YEAH, OH, NO, IT'S TRUE. SHE ONCE CONVINCED A WHOLE GROUP OF
SAILORS THAT SHE COULD TURN BACK TIME.
THE ENQUIRER TURNED THE SLEEZ DIAL ALL THE WAY UP TO 11 TO
PUBLISH BEZOS' SEXUAL SEX MESSAGES OR SEX AGES INCLUDING
THIS ONE, I LOVE YOU ALIVE GIRL, I WILL SHOW WITH YOU MY BOD HE,
MY LIPS AND MY EYES VERY SOON.
AND I WILL VOMIT WITH MY MOUTH AND MY LIPS IMMEDIATELY.
NOW ONCE THIS DIVORCE IS FINAL IT IS BEING REPORTED THAT HIS
WIFE MacKENZIE BEZOS COULD WALK AWAY WITH AS MUCH AS $69
BILLION DOLLARS.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) YEAH IS NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M
HAPPILY MARRIED.
BUT ANYONE IN A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP KNOWS YOU GET A
HALL PASS.
AND MY WIFE HAS ALWAYS SAID MY HALL PASS IS 69 BILLION DOLLARS.
SO WITH THAT IN MIND, HEY A, McKENZIE.
HOLD ON, ALEXIA MAKE IT IT SEXY.
KENZIE, IF YOU ARE EVER LOOKING TO HANG WITH SOMEBODY WITH AN--
I'M SORRY, I CAN'T TALK, I'M JUST TOO DAMN TURNED ON
RIGHT NOW.
IF YOU ARE EVER LOOKING TO HANG WITH AN EXPONENTIALLY RICH MAN,
JUST SAY THE WORD.
BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) AND I ASSURE YOU, THE LINOLEUM
MATCHES THE-- NO DRAPES, I THINK WE COULD HAVE SOME FUFNL YOU
EVER BEEN ON A PLANE WITH STRANGERS?
IT'S PRETTY WILD.
THEY GIVE YOU PRETZELS, A WHOLE CAN OF DIET COKE, IT'S CRAZY.
HIT ME UP, GIRL.
I HAVE ENOUGH MILES TO FLY ANYWHERE IN MY REGION.
BLACKOUT DATES MAY APPLY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JAMES McAVOY.