"My husband said he regrets marrying me."
My name is Paul Friedman, I founded The
Marriage Foundation.
Those were not easy words to hear.
Now you may have been angry, you might
have been in the middle of a fight.
And so your filter was up and then all
come through
but enough of it came through for you to
be searching, "What do I
do? What's going on here?"
I mean wow, when you get married as a
woman
you're getting married and these are
biological systems that affect our mind
and it's subconscious. A woman gets
married
partially for the protection
that she gets from a man. A man
marries a woman for the love he gets
from the woman. This is
subconscious. No one ever talks about
this
because they don't know about it but
it's the truth and if you consider it
you'll realize that it is the truth.
So your husband married you for the
quality
of the heart, the compassion,
the love, the support.
Men have a very tough existence
because men are very guarded
and they open up. They put down their
guard
for their wives and, what do their wives
do?
Oftentimes, they betray that trust that
the man has that that's what his wife is
going to be for him,
and the wife becomes a complainer,
becomes a pusher, becomes an arguer,
all of those things block love.
She puts expectations on him.
She shows her unhappiness.
She talks about her problems.
All these things that western
psychologists
tell people they should do and yet
there's over a 50%
divorce rate you would think the western
psychologist would wise up
and realize that their advice stinks.
You don't want to do all those things.
Your husband has -- I'm going to give you a
different way of looking at this.
Your husband has shared with you
forget the words he used but what he
said to you
was, "Honey,
I married you because I thought you
would love me unconditionally
and you're not so it looks like
I made a mistake." Your response
should not be to take it as a victim,
feel attacked, feel humiliated --
that's not going to do you any good. You
should take
this information the way you would take
the information
if you were in school and you got back a
test and you only got
a 70. You go, "Whoa, I really need to study
this subject more.
I didn't fulfill my
end of the bargain of learning the
material."
You're not fulfilling your husband's
needs.
Now the defensive part of you and we all
have the defensive part of us.
he's going to say, "Well, what about him?"
Fine! What about him?
Maybe he'll do his part, maybe he won't.
That doesn't get you off the hook
because you made
promises to him.
Think of it as
maturity, integrity that
you don't behave according to how
other people behave towards you. You're
not just reactive.
Of course we are but you
have control over your mind
so you don't want to be reactive.
You don't want to do what you just want
to do because
of your reactive mind, you want to do
what you should do based on the wisdom
of knowing the difference between right
and wrong and I'm not just talking about
morality.
I'm talking about what's going to work
and what's not going to work. I tend
to refer to it as beneficial
or detrimental behavior.
Your husband, you're fortunate
because your husband didn't just leave.
He told you
he told you because he wants you to
change. He didn't tell you to be mean
to kick you when you're down. He told you
because
you're not doing what you promised. Now,
what are you going to do?
Well, one thing I can tell you for sure
is you're not going to learn
what you should do by reading magazine,
articles
or even watching videos,
or even reading either of my books -- it's
not.
My books have all the good information
about marriages that you could ever hope
for
very deep stuff but
you need more right now
and that's why we have at The Marriage
Foundation a course for women,
a course for men too but you just want
to take your course
for women and you want to
change everything. Why did you get
married?
Didn't you get married to be happy?
So did he. Didn't you get married to
experience
love? Well, so did he.
So you've come to the right place you
might say.
I've got all the information, all the
techniques, all the methodologies
everything that you will need. Now you
could go the free route
and watch all these videos. You should
anyway
subscribe to this channel so you could
learn
but I am telling you the truth. It's not
enough
for where your marriage is at right now
especially because
by investing your time and energy into
the course for women.
You can have what you signed up for
that happiness that comes about
by knowing what you're doing by learning
how to express the love, how to
experience the love. You can have
those things and marriage is the most
amazing thing there
is. Truly -- the most amazing thing there is
by far but you don't know how to do it.
We're not taught.
In our educational systems, we're not
taught about
marriage. We're not talk about
relationships.
We're not taught about ourselves and how
we behave according to our gender.
We're not taught about souls that we are
because there's this attitude of we
can't talk about religion and being a
soul
is not a religious discussion. It's just
what we are.
You want that love. He wants that love.
Don't take it personally
that would be a mistake but do
take it as a heads up
that now it's time for you to do
something about this
and change everything.
I hope this was beneficial for you
because this action
is intended to be beneficial
not detrimental.
And whether you take these suggestions
or not is up to you.
We all have free will.
Blessings to you! Blessings to your
husband and your family!
If you need further help, write
in -- it's a free service we have at The
Marriage Foundation. Write in
to our counselors and get some more
feedback.
Okay. Thank you for joining me! God bless!