Hi is this the Word Play Hotel?
Yes, will you be staying with us tonight?
Oh, you two seem nice but I'd like my own room.
Pity.
We have a twin available?
Oh.
No.
Double room please.
Sorry.
How long will you be staying with us?
I've already told you I'm not interested.
Could I have a private room please?
Worth a shot.
How many nights?
Eh...
One Knight.
Now sir, would you like a room with a view?
Or 'Last of the Mohicans'?
'Last of the Mohicans'
'Last of the Mohicans' OK.
You are on the 1st floor.
Great.
And your room is on the 4th floor.
Perfect.
You can take the lift?
Really?
We don't need anymore.
Thank you.
The Wifi code is...
Lowercase...
Uh huh.
That's it.
Would you like a wake up call?
Yes please.
You need to quit you're job and go back to college.
Sorry I don't have a hat for the pool?
Oh, you don't need one.
But you do need these.
Thank you.
Will you be having dinner with us this evening?
Wow you guys are persistent.
Alright I will.
Wonderful, do you have a reservation?
Yes, I've never dated two guys before
and I'm not sure if I'll like it.
Oh, I'm afraid we're full.
Oh.
Big lunch.
Ye.
That's disappointing
We also offer a turn down service in the evenings.
I think I've had enough rejection for one day.
Now, baggage sir?
Yes, an ex-wife and crippling debt.
Wonderful.
Porter!
Thank you.
Do you offer room service?
Absolutely.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost.
You are all very welcome here
to the 10am service in room 403.
Hi is this the word play hardware shop?
It is how can I help?
I'm looking to build a shed.
Right well you are going to need a good foundation.
OK
Rimmel has a nice even coverage.
Perfect, right now which building materials is best?
We're still looking into it but we've got nothing concrete.
Damn.
Because timber is so expensive.
Steel?
No you've got security cameras.
What about the doors?
Ye they just weren't the same when Jim Morrison died.
No doors do you want them opening in or out.
I'm not sure it all hinges on this.
And I want to avoid drafts.
Well there is no conscription in Ireland.
No
Drafts.
Well you're going to need a good seal.
Well I've already got one of them.
♪ Seal barking ♪
Good boy Henry.
So windows.
No
Mac.
I hate windows.
It's the worst operating system it crashes
And then it schedules these updates
for the most inconvenient...
Sorry.
I just needed a vent.
Now have you though about how you are going to join the floors to the wall?
No
I've been skirting around the issue to be honest.
But I am going to put down carpet
So I will nee some tacs.
Well I'm afraid we are completely tactless
you stupid ugly bastard.
That's very coarse.
Well it is sandpaper.
Ye lanky long nosed prick.
That's very abrasive.
Ye well it is wire wool.
That's fair.
Do you have any paint?
You are going to need an undercoat...
And an overcoat.
Do you have a ladder?
I should hope not these are new stockings.
♪ Alarm rings ♪
What's going on?
This is not
a drill.
I know it's a saw.
Now is there anything else on your list?
Yes, I've an axe to grind.
Back seat drivers.
Ah don't get me started.
Also I need this axe that needs grinding.
Sure.
Also I'm looking for this thing it's kind of like a spoon
for digging
Can we just call a spade a spade?
Yes, one of those please.
I'm afraid we are out of stock.
Great now my gravy is going to be tasteless.
Now do you still need a vice?
No I've already got gambling and alcohol.
Fair enough anything else?
Do you know is there an easy way to remove wallpaper?
Sure is ye but you are going to need a stripper.
You don't mean?
Oh sorry.
For a second there I thought...
HI there
Is this the Wordplay Airport?
Yes it is how can I help you?
I'd like to book a flight please.
Certainly sir
Where are you bound?
At the wrists
And it's cutting off the circulation.
So you are looking for an escape?
Yes
I'm thinking Paris.
And what is the purpose of this flight?
To transport cargo and passengers
from Dublin to Paris via the air
Correct.
Why Paris?
Oh it's my honeymoon.
Congratulations, should I book 2 seats?
Oh no need my wife departed early this morning.
Oh I'm sorry to hear that.
Yes it was quite a shock.
Anything to declare?
She was the love of my life.
And I'll never love anyone again.
No with regards to customs.
Yes she wanted to be buried at sea
Well you are terminal two
Oh God how long do I have?
45 minutes
Do you think I'm going to make it?
None of us know what really awaits us at the gates.
That's true.
So, Business class?
Oh no thanks I'm already signed up for art class.
Will I book you a seat in the aisle?
Wouldn't I be in the way?
Yeah, could be quite dangerous.
So this is a non smoking flight
Except at the back where the exhaust is
There's lots of smoke there.
I know you don't really do this anymore
but is there
any chance I could have a look at the cockpit?
Oh yeah no problem at all.
Wow
Now I see you have 2 big black bags
Yes I didn't sleep very well last night.
I'm a bit hungover
I'll just give you this
Thanks
Now for your luggage. Any checked bags?
One checked bag
and
the other one is a bit more tartan.
Any carry on?
Yeah
A bit from the kids in the car but sure
No sir carry on
in flight entertainment
We have Carry On Up The Kyber
Or Carry On Nurse?
Neither thanks
Now any carry on luggage sir?
Yes please
How many pieces?
Two pieces.
There was an accident.
So here are your tickets.
Thank you and is that my plane?
It's not mine anyway.
Well you better get going
It's three flights to get there.
I thought it was direct?
Yes but there is three flights of stairs on the way.
How long will that take?
Well it depends on your gate.
Well I do tend to shuffle.
Well I would recommend long strides.
Good idea.
So you should arrive in Paris at 5.45pm
Oh God I get so nervous around landings
Really?
I always think I'm going to fall down the stairs.
Well have a nice trip.
Thank you very much.
Ahh...
Excuse me. Is this the wordplay clothes shop.
Oh, yes it is.
Do you work here?
Technically. Yes.
I'm a shoplifter.
But that gentleman is on staff.
Oh, thanks.
Good afternoon. Does the gentleman require a shirt?
No, that's too formal.
My apologies.
Do you want a shirt buddy?
Actually go back to formal.
What sort of attire are you looking for?
Neither of those?
OK.
Thanks, but I'm actually just looking to upgrade my wardrobe.
Have you considered changing the handles?
Eh, what does this Hawaiian shirt cost?
That'll cost you all of your friends.
Do you mind if I try it on?
Yes, I do.
I'm a married man.
Fair enough.
Can I interest you in some sale items?
Sure.
Well, we've just taken 50% off this t-shirt.
Okay.
And an incredible 90% off this shirt.
I'm looking to buy one trouser.
I'm afraid we only sell them in pairs
Damn it.
How about these jeans?
They're too 70's.
What about a whole new style?
Alright, I'm listening.
Well these work well with most country fences.
Sorry, where are the hoodies?
They're just behind me.
And I think one of them might be dealing
And what about coats?
Well, there's two on the opposite wall there.
But I think it might need a third.
I agree.
Is there anything else I can help you with?
Actually, yes, I could really do with a good belt.
Certainly.
Sorry, could you get that jumper down for me?
Of course.
Thanks.
Don't do it.
You have so much to live for.
Excuse me. Is this real?
No, no, no. None of this is real.
No, it's not even a real shop.
It's a Youtube video.