♪♪♪ >>> THIS IS "ELECTION NIGHT IN
AMERICA." >> I CAN'T BELIEVE AFTER ALL
THIS IT'S GOING TO FINALLY BE OVER.
>> I DON'T KNOW, WE'LL SEE. TRUMP'S ALREADY GOT LAWYERS TO
FIGHT THE RESULTS. >> YEAH, DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT
THAT OR I WILL LEAVE. >> GUYS.
WE'RE ABOUT TO HAVE OUR FIRST WOMAN PRESIDENT.
LIKE THIS IS GOING TO BE A HISTORIC NIGHT.
>> YEAH, YEAH. IT MIGHT AN HISTORIC NIGHT.
BUT DON'T FORGET IT'S A BIG COUNTRY.
>> MY FRIEND AT "THE HUFFINGTON POST" SAYS SHE WIN BUSY 5
POINTS. >> I DON'T KNOW, MY FRIEND AT
SLATE SAYS SHE'LL WIN BY 3. >> OH, WELL, SHE'LL WIN THE
ELECTORAL COLLEGE FOR SURE BUT I GUESS THERE'S A NIGHTMARE
SCENARIO WHERE HE WINS THE POPULAR VOTE.
>> REALLY? THAT'S YOUR NIGHTMARE SCENARIO,
HUH? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> BECAUSE OF SHIFTING DEMOGRAPHICS THERE MIGHT NEVER
BE ANOTHER REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT IN THIS COUNTRY.
>> WORD. [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU EVER BEEN AROUND THIS COUNTRY BEFORE?
>> AND WE PROJECT KENTUCKY WILL GO TO DONALD TRUMP.
>> WELL, OF COURSE HE WON KENTUCKY, THAT'S WHERE ALL THE
RACISTS ARE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> ALL OF THEM ARE IN KENTUCKY? >> OH, SHE'S GOT VERMONT.
>> OH, SNAP, VERMONT! THREE ELECTORAL VOTES!
THAT'S A POWER GRAB. >> OKAY.
THIS SAYS FLORIDA IS TOO CLOSE TO CALL.
>> OKAY, NO, IT SAYS TOO EARLY TO CALL.
THERE'S ONLY 1% IN. >> I'M JUST GOING TO GO AHEAD
AND CALL IT. FLORIDA'S GOING BLUE.
TO LATINOS! >> TO LATINOS!
[ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, OF COURSE HE'S GOING TO
WIN OHIO, WE KNEW THAT. IF WE CAN GET PENNSYLVANIA,
FLORIDA, AND NORTH CAROLINA, WE DON'T EVEN NEED OHIO.
>> YEAH. IF THE INDIANS SCORED FOUR MORE
RUNS, THEY'D HAVE WON THE WORLD SERIES TOO, DUDE.
>> I'M GOING TO GRAB A XANAX FROM THE BEDROOM.
>> OKAY, GRAB ME SIX. >> YEAH, I'LL BRING THE WHOLE
BOTTLE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> LOOK. EARLY RETURNS ARE ALWAYS GOING
TO BE REPUBLICAN. BECAUSE REPUBLICANS GO TO SLEEP
EARLY. IT'S JUST A FACT.
>> I TALKED TO MY BROTHER-IN-LAW AT CBS.
HE SAYS TRUMP'S GOING TO WIN FLORIDA.
>> WELL. I GUESS LATINOS DIDN'T HEAR
ABOUT YOUR TOAST. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> HEY, GUYS, WHAT DID I MISS? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> LARRY, TRUMP MIGHT ACTUALLY WIN.
>> HA HA HA! I MEAN, OF COURSE, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT? >> I TRIED TO TELL THEM THAT.
>> WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHY ARE WOMEN EVEN VOTING FOR
HIM? >> YEAH, I DON'T GET YOU LADIES.
I MEAN, THE COUNTRY'S 55% WOMEN. I MEAN, IF THE COUNTRY WAS 55%
BLACK? WELL, WE'D HAVE TONS OF BLACK
PRESIDENTS. FLAVOR FLAV WOULD BE PRESIDENT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY.
ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS COME BACK AND WIN WISCONSIN, COME BACK AND
WIN MICHIGAN, COME BACK AND WIN PENNSYLVANIA.
>> SOME OF THE COUNTIES, THE URBAN COUNTIES, THEY'RE SO --
BLACK PEOPLE VOTE LATE! [ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH, LET'S HOPE THERE'S 100,000 OF US IN GREEN BAY.
[ LAUGHTER ] THOSE BROTHERS LOVE THE PACKERS.
>> YOU NEVER KNOW, GUYS. ALASKA'S STILL OUT THERE.
>> WE'RE NOW CALLING ALASKA FOR DONALD TRUMP.
>> OH MY GOD. I THINK AMERICA IS RACIST.
>> OH MY GOD! [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER MY GREAT GRANDFATHER TOLD ME SOMETHING
LIKE THAT. BUT HE WAS LIKE A SLAVE OR
SOMETHING, I DON'T KNOW. >> I -- I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
WHY AREN'T PEOPLE TURNING OUT FOR HILLARY THE WAY THEY DID FOR
BARACK OBAMA? >> I MEAN, MAYBE BECAUSE YOU'RE
REPLACING A CHARISMATIC 40-YEAR-OLD BLACK GUY WITH A
70-YEAR-OLD WHITE WOMAN. THAT'S LIKE THE KNICKS REPLACING
PATRICK EWING WITH NEIL PATRICK HARRIS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> AND DONALD TRUMP HAS BEEN
ELECTED PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
>> YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT. IT WAS A HISTORIC NIGHT.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. EIGHT YEARS ARE GOING TO FLY BY.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH, BUT DON'T WORRY, IT'S
ALL GOING TO BE WHITE. >> BUT WHAT ABOUT UNDOCUMENTED
IMMIGRANTS? >> THEY'RE NOT GOING NOWHERE,
COME ON. YOU ACT LIKE EVERYBODY TRYING TO
PICK THEIR OWN STRAWBERRIES. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THIS IS, THIS IS CRAZY. I MEAN, DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S
LIKE TO BE A WOMAN IN THIS COUNTRY WHERE YOU CAN'T GET
AHEAD NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO? >> OH, GEEZ, I DON'T KNOW.
I'LL PUT MY THINKING CAP ON FOR THAT ONE AND GET BACK TO YOU.
>> NO, COME ON, YOU GUYS. GET SOME REST.
YOU GOT A BIG DAY OF MOPING AND WRITING ON FACEBOOK TOMORROW.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> THIS IS THE MOST SHAMEFUL
THING AMERICA HAS EVER DONE. >> HA HA HA!
>> HA HA HA! [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]