- Do you ever stop what you're doing
in the middle of the day and just think, I'm a moron.
What up, everyone, it's your girl, Super Woman.
And I've been through years and years of school
but I still feel like I don't know how to function
like a proper human being in the real world.
Like every once in awhile, I have no idea
how to do a simple task.
Like I literally just walk past my degree on the wall
and I'm just wondering like how the eff
do I still get lost in Ikea every damn time?
And how can I never remember where I park my car?
And I never have enough Icloud storage.
Mostly because I don't know what that is.
That's because sometimes, aka very likely, aka like Monday
to Friday, school teaches kids useless things.
I'm just saying, school should prepare you
for real world struggles.
Number One, Mathematics.
I'm lost in a strange place and my phone is dead,
what do I do?
Recite your nine times tables said no one ever.
Let's just be real, most of the math you learn in school
is completely useless in everyday life.
Today we're gonna learn how to measure
the circumference of a circle.
The diameter of a circle.
The radius of the trigonometry.
The length of this side of this triangle, the hypotenuse.
Math is also going to include letters now.
Okay, math is now pretty little letters.
Fall for A.
Parabola.
Two parabolas, parabola, two parabolas.
Acute angles.
- Aww, cute.
- Trapezoids.
- Eh!
- And the equation of this hexagon cole sign
parallelogram tangent isosceles.
Any questions?
And because school fills your head
with all these complex equations when it comes
to simple everyday math, you're an idiot box.
That was so good.
I need to like unbutton my pants.
Oh thank you.
Oh actually can we split the bill?
- No sorry, not for parties over two.
- Oh.
- Bust out your calculators everybody.
Who got the steak?
- Depends, how much was it again?
- What do you mean how much was it?
Doesn't matter how much, did you get the steak
or did you not get the steak?
- I honestly think it's just like $30 each.
- Yo, I didn't drink.
Both of you did.
- Also, yeah, you got guac on the side.
- Guac isn't extra.
- Guac is always extra, shut your mouth
- Does it include tip yet?
- No.
So we have to tip individually.
Let's just tip individually.
Cash, credit card, what are you doing--
- Let's just call it 20 bucks each.
- All right, but this includes gratuity.
- Okay, okay, I loved that movie.
- That's Ratatouille, ho, this is gratuity.
Boy, you stupid.
- Okay, we're like $80 short.
- How?
- Because of the tax.
- What the hell is tax?
- Hold up, I didn't carry the one.
- What's the standard, is it 13%?
- Plus it, divided by two--
- Can we get some graph paper, just can we?
If I had a dollar for every time my friends and I
could not figure out the division of the bill,
I would have enough money to just pay for the whole meal.
Because me stupid.
Number two: foreign languages.
Growing up in Canada, I had to learn French.
(speaks foreign language)
So for nine years of my life, I had to learn
this as a second language.
So tell me why the biggest language barrier
I have ever faced while traveling is in France
because I had no idea what the F anyone was saying.
Why you ask?
Because ...
(speaks foreign language)
Welcome to your first day of French class.
Today we're going to learn all about pizza toppings.
How to conjugate the verb to jump.
(speaks foreign language)
Today's lesson, circus terms.
(speaks foreign language)
No no.
(speaks foreign language)
- How do you say, I need help?
- You know what they should teach you in school?
How to understand foreign languages
you will see in your daily life.
- Wait, can you park here?
- It says I can park here between noon and three.
- Okay, so you're good.
- Oh wait, but it also says not on Mondays.
And on days that have a T in it.
- Think you're good.
- Also not during street cleaning or during a quarter moon.
- I think you're good.
- And by permit only at 5 p.m.
- We're good.
- And I think it's a tow away zone on Saturdays.
- We're still good.
- Okay, dope.
Oh no wait, forgot my phone.
What the F?
Reading parking signs 101.
I'm just saying, this the type of education we need.
(speaks foreign language)
Worksheets.
You don't know what frustration or inner turmoil is
in life unless you've had to cut out
those geometric paper shapes and glue them together
to make 3D shapes.
You know exactly what the F I'm talking about
with the effin' tabs and the effin' gluestick.
I just can't, I'm sweating, I'm literally sweating
just thinking about it.
In today's day and age that whole process makes no sense.
All right, students, now today I want you to cut out
these shapes and then glue these shapes together
to make 3D shapes.
It's important you learn how to do this
because 3D printers will never exist.
And then I want you to answer questions about the shapes.
- What if I already know how many sides are on a cube?
- Make the cube.
- I can literally just count the sides of the cube
without building it.
- Make the cube.
- I'm done with my sphere.
- Hey, make the cube.
Instead of giving me worksheets full of mindless work,
teach me how to work with sheets in real life.
(upbeat music)
(screams)
Number four, dress codes.
Now I'm gonna be straight up.
The only dress code I had in my school growing up
was no gang signs.
Yeah, that should put a lot of things in context for you.
But today dress codes in schools are absolutely ridiculous
and not at all a good reflection of what
the real world is.
Class as you can see, this young lady's skirt
is one inch too short and I'm not woke enough
to realize this dress code is sexist, so, go home.
Tuck in that shirt, young man.
Pull up those pants, sir, this isn't a yolo.
Hey, no hats.
Looks like your top is one centimeter above your mid drift.
We don't want the male students
to lose focus, now do we?
Schools you have failed as educators
if you drill a dress code into your students' minds
and then they graduate and after they graduate
they get invited to events.
And they still don't know what the F
is appropriate attire to wear.
Hey, so what's the dress code for the event tonight?
- [Man On Phone] Business casual.
- Like a pant suit?
- [Man On Phone] Nope, just nice and casual.
- Like jeans?
- [Man On Phone] No, more business casual.
I'll see you there!
- K.
Business casual.
Hello, I'm business casual.
Oh, hey, hi me?
I'm business casual.
What's up?
Biz cas.
Goodday, sir, my name is business casual.
That's what they should teach in school.
Okay, I don't give an F what to wear in math class.
Tell me what to wear to a wedding.
To a meeting, to a social, also, what the F is a social?
Since when is social a noun?
First of all, what, what, what?
But real talk, can I just be real with you.
I know how school feels.
Everyone going back to school.
It is true, a lot of the specific things
you learn in school, you will never ever use in your life.
But hear me when I say, you will use the time management,
social skills, the work ethic skills.
All the life skills you learn through being
in that environment, you will learn.
So you know what?
Tough it out, figure out the God damn hypotenuse, okay?
I promise it'll be worth it one day.
Kill it, hustle hard.
Oh you you, stop stop, you watching right now.
Before you go anywhere, don't even think about,
thumbs up the video, don't even.
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One love, super woman, that is a wrap and zoop!