I wanna be strict, you know.
I wanna be strict with my daughter.
She's only 2 so I can't really gauge
how I'm gonna be with her yet.
I wanna be like my parents, but not as crazy.
Because Indian parents are a little crazy
with their kids. You know? They...
I like-- I--
And I wanna be like a white parent.
I love watching white people talk to their kids.
White parents have this way
of speaking to their children like they're humans.
It's beautiful to watch.
You know?
But I think white parents--
I can't be as lenient as a white parent.
Because white parents, you take it a little too far, you know.
Like, you give your kids options.
They're a fucking kid,
they shouldn't have any options.
And here's-- I was in the mall the other day.
I saw a white lady in the food court,
and she said to her 5-year-old son, she goes:
"Sweetheart, what do you wanna eat for dinner?"
The kid goes, "I don't know."
"Okay, when you figure it out, you let Mommy know
and I'll make it for you, okay?
I love you."
She asked a 5-year-old what he wanted to eat.
Not, "Do you want this or this?"
What? He could've said any--
"I want shoes. I wanna eat a pair of shoes."
She would've had to make him a pair of shoes.
I'm not--
I can't even comprehend, like--
I grew up in an immigrant house. You--
In an immigrant house, Mom does not--
There's no dinner for the adults and dinner for the children.
Mom does not care what the fucking kids like.
Mom does not cook for the kids.
Mom cooks for Dad.
Whatever Dad liked is what you were eating for dinner.
That's the way it worked. There were--
It doesn't matter what your dad liked,
that's what you were having for dinner.
It turns out my dad used to love molten hot plates of lava.
I was the only 5-year-old farting fire at 5.
They used to call me Dragon Ass at school.
But white parents explain things to their kids, you know.
They do. They take the time to do that. That's nice.
Indian parents, they're the worst.
If they don't want you to do something, they will make up
the most insane story as to why you shouldn't do something
and scare you into not ever thinking about doing it.
You don't think your parents are creative, you're like:
"They couldn't be making that up.
That must have happened, you know."
I'll give an example. I grew up just outside of Toronto,
small town called Brampton.
And, uh-- B-town, represent. I--
And I grew up in these
townhouses and all the driveways
were attached in the townhouses.
And at the edge of the driveway was a road.
A major road where all the cars can drive.
We were obviously not allowed to play on the road.
Only play on the dr--
Only allowed to play on the driveways,
for obvious reasons.
Now, this was the white lady next door
telling her son not to play on the road.
"Sweetheart, Mommy doesn't want you to play on the road."
"Why not?"
"Because it's not safe."
-"So?" -"So you could get hurt."
"I don't care."
"Well, I do."
"So?"
"If you get hurt, you'll make Mommy sad.
Do you wanna make Mommy sad?"
"No."
"Then, be a good boy and play on the driveway."
"Okay."
"I love you."
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
It was so good. She explained it to him.
She told him why he shouldn't do it. He--
She gave him the consequences
as to what could happen.
He had all the information he needed to not play on the road.
And you know what?
He didn't play on the road.
Not my dad. This is my dad telling me the same thing.
"Russell!
Don't go on the road, you'll get hit by the car
and you'll break apart."
Not I might get hit by a car.
No, I will get hit by the car.
Apparently, there's only one car in my neighborhood
and I was going to get hit by it
and I was gonna break apart.
How the fuck do you break apart?
When I was a kid, I thought I was made out of Lego
because I was gonna break apart one day.
They scare you into not doing things.