Anthony Bourdain was an icon to many and beloved for his award-winning television shows.
But there are many unexpected qualities to the mysterious man so many felt a
connection to. In "Roadrunner," a new documentary by director Morgan Neville,
fans learn so much more about Bourdain through interviews conducted with his friends and family
just 16 months after his suicide in 2018. Thankfully, Mashed was able to watch the film,
which premiered on Friday, July 16, and even interview Neville.
What many outsiders and fans of Bourdain's life and career learned throughout the documentary is
certainly eye-opening, and largely contradictory to what so many believed about him based on his
outward personality. From the way Bourdain felt inside and how he expressed himself to
those close to him, to the emotions he struggled with the most and how he accepted family life,
the film sheds light on so much about what the writer's life was like.
These are the surprising things we learned about Anthony Bourdain in "Roadrunner."
The man everyone knew by his tall, lanky strut and confident bravado was actually hiding a
huge secret about his personality. According to those who knew him best, who were interviewed in
"Roadrunner," Bourdain was incredibly shy. He was purportedly so shy, according to the documentary,
that his original producers actually thought his television series would flop.
Going out and walking along the streets to meet people and talk with them was Bourdain's magic,
but it was far from something he wanted to do initially. Instead, he would remain quiet
and the incredible thoughts and insights into his destinations were lost at first.
Fortunately, Bourdain learned quickly and pushed himself to rise to the occasion.
Even later, he apparently never wanted to be in a
social situation without someone he knew. Neville told Mashed,
"When he would be in public situations, he would always tell his friends,
'You can't leave my side and I, I need somebody to be there with me,' because at the same time,
he was one of the great raconteurs and one of the funniest people ever,
so I just didn't see that coming, that he was really that kind of shy inside."
But what started out as an inclination to be shy, later grew and morphed into something much bigger.
Given the things Bourdain said and did on his television shows, fans might have
really wondered what he could have been like as a family man and father. Though fatherhood was not
something he necessarily wanted for himself or thought about prior to becoming a dad,
the documentary showed us that he absolutely loved his daughter and being a part of her life.
In "Roadrunner," it was clear that Bourdain's daughter emulated him in his career and clearly
looked up to her dad. And just as she admired and loved him, he adored her.
Whenever Bourdain had been away, he was always very intent on being present when he was home with
his daughter. In "Roadrunner," he even explained that the domestic vision of grilling hot dogs in
the backyard and playing with his daughter wasn't something he could have imagined for himself,
but when it did happen, it was the happiest he'd ever been. Despite his love for his
daughter and their bond, though, he couldn't get over the feeling of needing to travel too.
It's hard to imagine that someone who was so loved by friends, family, and fans could feel
that he couldn't accept love. In "Roadrunner," it's said that Bourdain could give love in a
relationship until it almost smothered the other person and ultimately drove them away.
However, he never could accept love from others. It's almost as if he were trying to
make up for the inability by going overboard in showering others with his admiration.
Even his fans, he couldn't see the genuine love they have for him because he felt guilty,
and as though he were getting away with something in his career.
In the documentary, Bourdain sits at a diner with Iggy Pop and asks the musician what still
gives him a thrill. When Pop says that giving and receiving love is the greatest thing he has
in his life, Bourdain looks almost lost, or as though he can't imagine that emotional exchange.
It's a painful realization — one of many within the powerful film.
It's no secret that Bourdain was a heroin addict. However, he kicked his drug habit without any kind
of help or aid, according to an interview in the documentary from one of Bourdain's closest
friends, artist Dave Choe. But that didn't mean that his addictive-prone personality changed.
Instead, it is revealed in "Roadrunner'' that Bourdain simply adopted new addictions
throughout his life. He was obsessive about practicing jiu jitsu, which actually started
with his former wife Ottavia Busia taking classes in order to protect their daughter.
Bourdain's greatest addictions, however, were other people and his relationship with them.
He became obsessed with his last girlfriend, Asia Argento and went well above and beyond
to take up her cause and defend her when she spoke out as a victim against Harvey Weinstein.
Even Bourdain's friend, Momofuku chef David Chang, pointed out in the film that his favorite song
was always "Anemone" by The Brian Jonestown Massacre, which Chang described as "heroin
music." Chang implied that the song was a downer and that Bourdain couldn't get enough of it.
One of the most heartbreaking and surprising realizations to occur in "Roadrunner" is the
progression from Bourdain's earliest days of travel to his last days when he was all
but agoraphobic. Bourdain's friends and original producers explained that he was
an avid reader and film buff. He had dreamed of so many destinations and was so excited
to see how they measured up to what he had read and seen in movies.
Bourdain had a hunger to see the world up close and learn from others along the way. However,
by the final days of his life, Bourdain's friends told a very different story in the documentary.
According to the film, he would always want to stay in at his friends' places rather than go out.
He wanted to avoid being around people, and clearly hated losing his anonymity.
Bourdain had lost the ability to go anywhere without people knowing or recognizing him,
which he hated. So his solution was to isolate himself as much as possible, and stay home.
Yet when he was around fans, he had an uncanny ability to be gracious and kind
because he saw it as part of his job which he felt he didn't deserve, according to Neville.
Neville explained in his interview with Mashed,
"I kind of feel like [his previous] shyness
later became related to the kind of agoraphobia he had later, that he was not somebody who
actually loved to be in the street talking to strangers, but he would always do it."
For many fans, it might be surprising to learn that of all things, Bourdain didn't like being
thought of in the way that most of his fans would have described him. Neville told Mashed,
"He actually didn't really like to be called a chef, or TV personality, he hated it."
Instead, he always thought of himself as a writer, according to interviews revealed in "Roadrunner."
The achievements he was most proud of were his books, and Bourdain spent many years
giving a lot of careful thought to writing as a craft, according to Neville. Neville explained,
"I actually read some short stories he wrote in college, and he wrote three mystery novels. He
wrote a lot and he was really good at it. So in a way, I think that was the thing that he was always
proudest of, and something I was trying to kind of channel as much as I could in what we were doing."
It was, after all, his ability to write with such a clear voice that gave rise to his stardom,
with "Kitchen Confidential." Without his affinity for words
and storytelling, he would not have become the television host so many knew and loved.