- Your shoulders are stiff, your legs are stiff,
you walk like a crippin duck.
[Narrator]- This is Crack Me Up,
the show where two comedians battle to see who
has the best jokes in the school yard.
The goal is to make whoever is in the hot seat
laugh the most.
The catch is, the hot seat will try their
hardest not to crack.
In this round, each comedian has 60 uninterrupted seconds
to tell their best jokes.
Each laugh gets a point, most points wins the round.
- You do know, in America, we bow when its after the show.
But in your house, you bow when you say hello.
You got stupid swag, you uber bad.
You're such a bad driver I betchu your
favorite movie's Crash.
So I said you're the baddest driver, your math is wiser,
you're so asian you thought Snoop Doggy Dog was an appetizer
And I rhyme the best, I would be six feet tall
before you pass a drivers test.
- Man, I ****ing hate you.
- Talk to him.
- That aint even a bar, I just hate you.
Man, and you tiny as ****.
Your shoulders are stiff, your legs are stiff,
you walk like a crippin duck.
[Crowd member]- Let's go David.
This **** is something that you aint needed.
Watch this.
Slow it down, I'm conceited.
- Yo.
- You just got slayed.
- You done, you got it.
[Narrator]- round two is a tit for tat style speed round.
The comedians will have 90 seconds to go joke for joke.
Each laugh gets a point, most points wins the round.
- You think the king had a dream about this?
So the eclipse had a dream about this.
- Con would probably like this food if it was a soda.
[Conceited]- That was a good one.
- Hey what is this?
- My ****.
- The way she got her boys ****.
- My ****.
- That was perfect.
- This shaped just like Teresa's ass
and it happens to be cake.
- Can you hand me that cake though?
- Yeah here you go.
- She really been talking about this cake.
- Where you all get this ****?
- Come on get that away from me.
- Oh ****.
- Its more like this.
- That's the areolas.
- Well it's more like this huh?
[Narrator]- the third and final round is called word play.
In this round, each comedian will rip off the word they pull
from the hat.
Most laughs not only win the round but the game.
- Microscopic.
- Because of the yeast infection that she has
her vagina ends up...
- Creamy.
- That's just facts.
- When Charlie eat too much, this motherfucker's
buttons go off.
- Crusty.
Under Charlie Clip's titties are crusty.
- Actually its moist, them elbows is crusty.
- Crusty, Teresa's edges are crusty.
- Here's a word that Teresa's very familiar with...gag,
'cause she sucks ****.
- Too bad you don't have enough of it.
- Its actually quite average, its very average.
- You really like blank guys.
- Black.
- Lot of hesitation.
- Right I was like "say it."
- Something that you practice in the mirror
before you go to the club,
because you know you can't do it.
- Twerk.
[Narrator]- and the winner is...David Som.
- Let's go David!
- Yo, the first one!
- Congratulations man.
- I want to thank God for this.
Number one, you really helped me out on that hat ****.
because Teresa got bombed on that whole thing.
That was fantastic Lord thank you.
- Yes, yes.
- Life.