-Republicans are blaming Russia's invasion of Ukraine
on President Biden and claiming
it wouldn't have happened under Donald Trump,
while Trump muses about bombing Russia
but pretending it was someone else.
For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."
[ Theme music plays ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's worth remembering, in a moment
of international crisis like the one we're in right now,
that we came incredibly close
to having this criminal dingus in charge of our response.
I mean, can you imagine?
Can you imagine what things would be like
with Donald Trump at the helm right now?
I mean, put aside everything else,
have you heard him talk lately?
He sounds like he's muttering to himself
while sitting under his favorite tree
at the old folks' home,
after getting his morphine drip topped off.
-Yesterday, reporters asked me
if I thought President Putin was smart.
I said, "Of course, he's smart," to which I was greeted with,
"Oh, that's such a terrible thing to say."
I like to tell the truth. Yes, he's smart.
The NATO nations and, indeed, the world
as he looks over what's happening strategically,
with no repercussions or threats whatsoever,
they're not so smart.
They're looking the opposite of smart.
"If you take over Ukraine,
we're going to sanction you," they say.
Sanction? Well, that's a pretty weak statement.
-God, I wish I knew where his teleprompter was during that.
[ Laughter ]
What is with that soft tone of voice?
Is he doing storytime at the local library?
"The pig says 'We're gonna sanction you,'
to which the goose replies,
'Oh, that's such a terrible thing to say.'
But do you see? Do you see the pig?
Do you see how weak he looks?"
[ Laughter ]
Sometimes I wonder what happened.
Did you get shot with a tranquilizer dart 18 months ago,
but because you drink so many Diet Cokes,
it's taking forever to kick in?
[ Laughter ] "Vladimir Putin --
he's looking at us, and he's thinking --
'They're weak. They're awake.'"
[ Laughter ]
I like when Trump's voice gets really soft like that,
when he does this helium voice.
That's when you know even he's like,
"I don't know what the [Bleep] I'm talking about."
I think his strategy is just to make it so soft,
you can't hear what he's saying anymore.
"They asked me what I would do about Ukraine.
I said, 'I know exactly what I would do.
I know exactly -- I know exactly --
I know ex-- I know exactly what I would do.
I was as anxious [Mumbling].'"
[ Laughter ]
As a reminder, that guy used to be
the commander in chief of our armed forces,
and he came very close to pulling off a coup
that would have kept him in that position.
In fact, he very likely committed
several crimes in the process, as we learned last week
from the committee investigating the Jan. 6th insurrection,
-The January 6th committee going farther than it has before
in its investigation of former President Donald Trump.
Lawmakers now saying they have evidence
suggesting former President Trump
and his attorney committed crimes,
including fraud, after the 2020 election
and in the lead-up to the Capitol riot.
-This morning, the Jan. 6th committee
saying for the first time that it believes
former President Donald Trump committed crimes
after the 2020 election,
writing in a new legal filing that it has reason to believe
Trump and his campaign "engaged in"
a criminal conspiracy to defraud the United States."
-First of all, this whole January 6th committee
is taking too long. You know how I know?
There's already been another January 6th at the calendar.
Second of all, you're just now reaching the conclusion
that was obvious at the time?
This is like the medical examiner
showing up to a murder scene and saying,
"Oh, yeah, no, he's definitely dead."
That's why we called you! [ Laughter ]
So a president who likely committed several crimes
to remain in power was very nearly at the helm
in a moment of heightened tensions with nuclear power.
And as terrifying as that prospect is,
it's even more terrifying to imagine
who would have been around him,
because a second Trump administration
was guaranteed to be fully unrestrained
and filled almost entirely with the rogues' gallery
of kooks and weirdos who have continued
to stick with Trump throughout the attempted coup
and its aftermath -- people like
MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell,
who's still insisting he's going to take down
the supposedly rigged voting machines,
as he told the crowd yet again over the weekend.
-I'm going to tell you right now,
we're doing -- I've been working on it five months,
and we're doing a class action --
I'm announcing it here.
It's a class action lawsuit against all machines
and that they're defective devices.
Okay? I have lawyers
worked on this for five months.
-Are you sure they're lawyers? Like, in the meetings --
okay -- are they wearing suits and ties?
Are they holding legal documents,
or are they in white coats and making you --
Are they showing you inkblot tests, like,
and saying, "What does this look like?"
"A rigged election."
"And this one?" "Uh, the election was rigged."
"And what about this?" "Hugo Chávez?
No, wait. Rigged election."
[ Laughter ]
That's right. Mike Lindell, though,
and he's announcing it here, which is a pretty big deal.
[ Laughter ]
Mike Lindell wants to file a class-action lawsuit
against all machines. [ Laughter ]
What other machines is he including in that?
"I'm filing a lawsuit against election machine,
fax mach-- vending machines,
and those things at amusement parks
that flatten pennies, because one time I-I --
True story. I put a pen-
I can't believe I'm announcing it here.
I put a penny in and it got stuck,
and I complained at Mickey Mouse,
and they kicked me out before I could go
to the Jamboree with da Bears."
Look, we came very close -- very close to a world
where Trump was still in charge
during Russia's brutal and illegal invasion of Ukraine,
which is scary for many reasons,
one of which is Trump keeps giving us a glimpse
as to how he would have responded.
And as usual, he has that unique Trump blend
of being both terrifying and incredibly stupid
at the same time. According to
"The Washington Post," Trump mused Saturday
to the GOP's top donors that the United States
should label its F-22 planes with the Chinese flag
and "bomb the [Bleep] out of Russia.
And then we say, China did it.
We didn't do it. China did it.
And then they start fighting with each other
and we sit back and watch."
He definitely gets his ideas from cartoons.
I mean, this is a slightly stupider version
of Bugs Bunny dressing up as a sexy lady
to distract Elmer Fudd.
"We put the Chinese flags on the plane,
and if that doesn't work, we paint a tunnel
on the side of a mountain. We do.
And then our jets -- our jets --
they go right through the tunnel.
No problem. But the Russ--
the Russian jets are gonna crash right into them.
And then our jets, they're gonna hold up a little sign
that says 'Meep meep!' and that --
t-that -- that -- t-that -- that -- that --
t-that's all, folks."
[ Laughter ]
This has always been Trump's way.
He used to float crazy [Bleep] like this all the time
as a candidate and as president.
Like the time, he reportedly suggested
using a nuclear bomb to stop a hurricane,
which prompted one lawmaker to introduce a bill
that would prohibit presidents from nuking hurricanes.
First of all, how is that not just, like, a one-sentence bill?
Call it the "Sigh, No, You Can't Nuke a Hurricane,
You Dip[Bleep] JFC Act of 2020."
Second, I love when they have to pass a law
that technically applies to all presidents,
but is specifically aimed at Trump.
It's like when your co-worker at Chipotle
gets caught wrapping his junk in a tortilla,
and the manager has to make a new rule for everyone
because of it. "Alright, guys,
there's a new sign up in the break room.
'No wrapping your private parts in the tortilla anymore.'
This applies, of course, to all of you,
but we are calling it the Same Rule."
[ Laughter ]
Trump's dumb ideas were always rebuffed by his generals,
but who the hell knows who he would have hired
in the second term after getting away with a coup?
For all we know, he could have made Lindell
chairman of the Joint Chiefs,
and we'd all be surrendering our toasters to the government
as part of the war on... -All machines.
Yeah. [ Laughter ]
And you can't let any of them off the hook.
In this case, I think I know
where Trump probably got this insane idea.
Last week, one of his closest confidants,
Fox News host Sean Hannity, had a similar idea,
which he floated multiple times, including on his radio show.
You see, NATO and the U.S. can't get involved militarily.
Otherwise, the conflict would drastically escalate
and spiral out of control.
But Hannity's brilliant strategy for getting around all that
was having a NATO country bomb a Russian convoy,
but then just don't tell them who it was.
Do you genuinely think that's how it works?
It's a mystery unless someone takes credit for it?
It's an aerial bombing, not a fart at a dinner party.
[ Laughter ] "Okay, just sit still,
be quiet, and no one will think it's you, Sean.
Sean, did you pass gas?"
"Why would you say that?"
"Because it's the first time I've ever seen you be quiet."
[ Laughter ]
And of course, it won't surprise you to learn
that the same party that spent four years
apologizing for Trump's praise of autocrats and dictators,
and is currently floating insane theories
for how to stop the war, are also now claiming
this would have never happened under Trump's watch.
-This never would have happened under Trump.
-Joe Biden becoming president
is the best thing that ever happened,
tragically, for Vladimir Putin.
-We've seen a Russian dictator now terrorize
the Ukrainian people
because America didn't demonstrate the resolve
that we did for the four years prior.
-They didn't do this on Trump's watch, Russia,
because Trump would have kicked their ass.
"He would have kicked their ass, but he would have done it
with a shoe that said 'China' on the bottom.
So, when they looked at their pants later,
they'd say, 'Ha-ha, now I know, kick my ass.'
And then a war would start between those two countries,
and we'd be walking on Easy Street."
[ Laughter ]
I can't believe -- and, yes, of course, I can believe --
that I have to remind you guys that Trump not only tried
to weaken NATO and the West,
but also specifically held up aid to Ukraine
as part of an attempt to cheat in the election
and dig up dirt on Joe Biden. Remember that?
That was the entire first impeachment.
One day, we're all going to have to go back
and rewatch the entire Trump presidency
without hitting the "skip recap" button.
[ Laughter ]
And when you point all that out to Trump loyalists,
like his former U.N. ambassador Nikki Haley,
the best they can say in Trump's defense is,
"Sure, he tried to help Putin out,
but he didn't succeed."
-The Trump administration -- Trump personally tried
to roll back sanctions on Russia in 2017.
He did. They tried to lobby Congress
to weaken Russian sanctions and legislation in 2017.
He tried to remove sanctions on a Russian oligarch company
in 2018. Delayed chemical-weapons
sanctions that were required by law against Russia.
And let's not forget, holding Ukrainian military aid hostage
for a political stunt. How didn't --
You don't think any of those things
sent a message to Vladimir Putin that America is divided,
the West is divided, and he can get away with whatever he wants?
-You said it in every one of those things.
You kept saying, "He tried." All I know is what he did.
-"Yeah, Chuck, he tried to help Putin,
but he was too stupid to follow through.
So, um, checkmate, libs."
[ Laughter ]
I get it now -- trying is different
from doing, so it's only a crime
if you successfully rob a bank, not if you try to rob a bank
but then the teller says, "Isn't that a stapler?"
and you say, "Uh, no, uh, this is a gun."
And then someone else looks at it and says,
"Office Depot doesn't make guns,"
and you say, "Shut up!"
So then you try to steal a pen without realizing
the pen is chained to the desk, so you get yanked
and you fall backwards and you split your pants,
and everyone at the bank starts laughing.
You're sweating so bad, you take off your mask
and someone says, "There's a camera, you idiot."
And you look up and you realize
you're staring straight into the security camera,
and you say, "Guys, this doesn't count, okay?
I only tried to rob the bank, but I didn't do it, so shut up."
And then the video gets uploaded to YouTube, and it goes viral.
So, to stop it, you file a lawsuit against...
-All machines. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] All -- Every one.
[ Cheers and applause ]
The point is, if you're a person with any power at all,
and you want to do something about the crisis,
maybe try helping the 1.7 million refugees
who have fled Ukraine so far,
the many others who are still there
and need our solidarity.
That would be a lot more productive
than pitching insane ideas for starting World War III.
No one wants to hear that.
Even the people at your fundraisers are thinking...
-"Oh, that's such a terrible thing to say."
-This has been "A Closer Look."
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