*indistinct singing*
[singing] “Missionaries in the foreign field..”
Okay. Here we go.
For some reason I cannot... okay the song is in my head and I cannot get —
Song — leave my head now.
Worked.
Hi, my name is Fr. Mike Schmitz and this is Ascension Presents.
So, I had this dream the other night... it was really weird.
I was going to confession, in my dream.
I mean, that's not the weird part.
The weird part was, the priest who I was going to confession to,
he had invited some random woman into the confession with us
— into my confession.
Wasn't anyone I knew,
but it was like a conglomeration of old church ladies that I knew from growing up.
In the summer time, my family would go to, like, the Lakes Country parishes in Minnesota
and it was kind of like a version of all of them mashed together.
Not physically — that'd be weird — but just, you know, the idea of them.
As I was going to confession, I would confess the sin
and the woman sitting there would be like “Oh my gosh, that’s horrible!”
And I’d be like “yeah” and then I’d confess another sin
and she’d be like “You should feel terrible about this!”
And I started getting angry, because as I was confessing she kept
basically, describing how awful it was that I had these sins to confess.
And I was angry, and like, yeah, I know, that's why I'm in confession!
*laughs* [indistinct noise while shaking fist]
And I woke up and I was still kind of mad, right?
And I remember reflecting back on it, like, wait I'm upset, but...
Why? Why am I upset?
Well, A) It’s a dream.
B) The sins I was confessing aren't even actually my actual sins.
They were like, dreams? Yeah, I just I don't even know what they were.
But they weren't the normal things I would confess ... that doesn’t matter.
But C) or three or whatever — or P.O.
C.3.P.O. right?
I was getting mad,
but her response to my sins was actually the appropriate response.
Because her saying “Oh my gosh that's horrible.”
Yeah, yes. That's right. That's right.
I mean, that's that's how — I would imagine this — that is how
maybe some people who really, really like me, and are really patient with me —
that's how they might respond to listening in on my confession.
“Oh my gosh, that’s horrible. I thought you were trying to be holy?
I thought you were striving after Jesus?” I’m like, yeah! I am!
But, see, I fail. And that's why I go to confession.
And that's so interesting because
there’s something in me that doesn't want that to be the case.
What I mean is, I realized in my dream at least,
I was acknowledging my guilt while at the same time trying to cling to innocence.
I was saying “Oh here's the things I've done”
at the same time seeing myself as someone who’s like
“Well no, but I had good reasons for this” and justifying myself
— claiming some kind of innocence in all this. And I thought “This is so strange.”
Do I do that, actually, in real confession when I’m awake
and going to confession with my real sins?
Or even, do I present myself to other people like that?
Do I have this sense of like “No, I'm willing to acknowledge my guilt”
but actually in the back of my mind I'm thinking but I'm really innocent, ultimately.
Because I think that I might have a temptation to do that
and I wonder if you watching this might have a temptation to do that.
I don't know if I could fully acknowledge my failures.
I don't even know if I can fully acknowledge my successes.
It's so interesting. I think instead, what we do is, we cling to a false sense of self.
Either the kinda-sorta sinner or the kinda-sorta saint
as opposed to “No, here's just who I am for real.”
I am made for glory — you've been made for glory.
But I'm fallen and I sometimes misuse that —
those gifts that God's given me —
for my own self or even to hurt others.
You realize, oh my gosh, that's actually the truth about me.
Because it's interesting, I think of so many of us
— or maybe not you, but a lot of us —
have a difficult time when it comes to acknowledging the truth about ourselves.
and so, again, we create a false sense of self.
And that false self isn't just like when we talk to other people,
because there's a certain kind of propriety about... like, you don't just dump all your garbage
in every encounter with a human being.
The issue is: what happens when I bring that
really false sense of self into my relationship with God
and it's how I see myself.
I think that we have — a lot of us have a temptation
either to define ourselves or get our identity from our strengths.
Like “I've accomplished this, I've achieved this,” or “I won here, I’m good at this.”
Or we have a tendency to get our identity from our weaknesses:
“I failed here therefore I’m a failure,”
“I've been rejected here therefore I'm not loved,”
“I feel like I'm not worthy because I've done this thing that’s terrible and so I am unworthy.”
That temptation we have to create a false self,
an identity that's either based on our strengths or based on our weaknesses
it's either based on our successes or it's based on our failures
and then what happens is when we approach God like that
when we see ourselves — when we approach God with that false sense of self
and we say “Okay God, could you please just love me...”
He can’t.
I’m gonna say that again.
When all we have is a false sense of self
and we come before God and say “Okay, please love me” — he can’t. Why?
Because that false self doesn’t exist. That false self isn't real.
That false self isn't actually you.
If I define myself according to my strengths or my weaknesses
and I approach God and say, okay God, love THIS being, THIS person...
He would ultimately have to say “I can't, because that person isn't real.
That person is an illusion, that's a mask, that's all it is.”
And ultimately God wants to love YOU.
Without the mask, past the illusion.
Not based on your strengths or based on your weaknesses but because
once you take off the mask — once you get rid of the false self —
then God says “Oh there you are.”
Imagine this moment, where when you approach God as you truly are
and he says “Ah, there she is, that's my daughter.”
“There he is. That's my son.”
“THAT's the one I love.”
In so many ways I would say that Christianity all comes down —
we have the Catholic Church with a lot of teachings and a lot of rules, I guess
but it all comes down to one question:
our response to God's question “Will you let me love you as you are?”
That, I think, in so many ways is all of Christianity, is all of Catholicism.
Will you let God love you as you are right now?
Not the false self, because he can't — that self doesn't exist,
that's that's an illusion, it’s a mask.
Will you let God love you as you are right now?
Not the hero and not the villain, but just YOU.
Don’t say “No, no Lord, I want you to love the super-successful me.”
Or “Lord I want you to love simply the victim me.”
He's like “Okay, but you're not just simply successful. You're not simply a victim.”
“I want you.”
Here's my invitation, for all of us today is:
to acknowledge, where have I tried to get my identity from?
My successes? My failures? My strengths? My weaknesses?
And realize, actually, I get my identity —
you get your identity from the fact that you've been created in God's image and likeness
and he has called you and gifted you to be an image of Jesus Christ in the world.
That God loves you, simply because you are.
God loves you simply because he created you.
Will you let him love THAT you?
To actually make the decision today to say
“Okay God, I don't have to be confessing my guilt while still clinging to innocence
thinking that I'm not worthy of this, or I don’t get this.
I just get to say “Okay God, I give you permission.
You can love me as I am.”
From all of us here at Ascension Presents, my name is Fr. Mike.
God bless.
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