Hey guys, one of the most frustrating things
guys tell me that they're confused by
is why women act hot and cold.
For example, have you ever been
starting to date a woman
and you think everything's going great.
And you text each other almost every day
and you see each other a few times a week
and everybody's happy, happy, joy, joy,
and you think you found someone really special.
And you think about what lies ahead
but then she stops texting quite so frequently
or she starts canceling
plans without rescheduling.
So, logically you ask her if you did something
or said something wrong
but she claims she's just busy
or tired or whatever.
Her erratic behavior can be very frustrating.
So, what happened?
There are essentially
two reasons why women act hot and cold.
One has to do with you
and the other has to do with her.
So, if you're new to my channel
my name is Anna Jorgensen
welcome to just the tip Tuesday.
So, in this video, I’m going to reveal to you
what you might be doing wrong
or what might be wrong with her.
So, be sure to stick with me to the end
but first, let's cover this fundamental truth
you may not know
that nearly everything women do
is to stay feeling safe
both emotionally and physically.
In fact, feeling safe
is a primary need for all of us
but women process this need a little differently
than you do whether by nature or nurture.
Women view the world through
a subtle lens of fear.
I don't want to go into the whole long story
of why that is I've covered it in other videos.
But suffice it to say
women are always on the look out for danger
and even though we can take care of ourselves
financially nowadays
so, we don't have to worry about being homeless
that's only one of our many fears.
So, you're probably wondering
what the heck does women being scared chickens
have to do with women being hot and cold.
Well, just stick with me here I’m going to explain it
I promise it's going to make sense in a minute,
but first, what are some of women's fears?
Well, some of women's fears might be
like you fear of not being able to find someone
and maybe becoming
the crazy cat lady later in life.
Rejection from community, failure
and its consequences or embarrassment,
success and its pressures,
being a terrible mother,
not being a mother, judgment of society
and heavily self-judgments just like you.
So, why do women act hot and cold
and how does fear play into it.
So, it's probably easier
to describe with some examples
let's start with the crazy cat lady,
which if you haven't noticed cat lady.
Okay, so what I mean by crazy cat lady,
what I mean by crazy cat lady is that
if she actually has low relationship market value
and she knows it or she believes it
even if society doesn't say so
then she's going to be constantly wondering
if you're going to figure that out and leave her.
So, she might pull back to save herself
from getting too attached
or to get you to chase her.
Might be subconscious,
might be overt manipulation,
depends on the girl.
If you want to know what some of
her manipulation tactics might be
you'll want to watch a video on
my six manipulation tactics exposed video,
which I'll leave a link at the end
or below the video on YouTube.
And remember women are not the only ones
who might go cold as a preemptive strike
to getting rejected.
Men do this too if they're really insecure
if they feel like they are going for a girl
or have got a girl who is out of their league
you might find yourself self-sabotaging
that's essentially what a woman might be doing
if she's going cold
and you've been really good to her.
And just like you key point
she may not even be aware she's doing this.
Now, if you've ever been
the one who self sabotages
then you'll definitely want to get
my wake up to love program.
Because it's going to teach you how to not do that
and how to feel worthy for the right girl
because you will be worthy
for the right girl for you.
And I'll put a link below of course.
Next example, if she is shunned by the tribe.
Okay, so maybe things
are actually going pretty good
but then you've done something legit
or maybe not even that legit
that she's a little worried about
is going to be judged by her family or friends.
So, remember when we had to really rely
on a tribe to be able to get by in the world?
Well, we still need that kind of connection
and acceptance from the people
that we care about.
So, if she's really close
to her family or friends
and or your values aren't aligning
and she's finding that's a little
tap on the shoulder for her.
Then she might be pulling away
to re-evaluate things to see if the things
that are bothering her are really significant
or not really significant.
And she may be leaning on her tribe
to try and figure that out
and you might be thinking
well, Anna I’m not dating her friends or family
and you're right I know that you know that
and even she probably knows that.
But if she's had to rely on those people
quite heavily for support
then they're going to be important to her
and their opinions are going to be important to her
this is not necessarily unhealthy.
We all need someone
that we can have as a sounding board
and to help us through making difficult decisions.
And why it may matter to her is because
if she ignores the suggestions
or input of those loved ones
are they going to reject her?
And especially are they going to reject her
if what they say about you
turns out to be correct
and then she and you end up breaking up
and then she's got no one
that would suck for her.
Now, the other fears of failure, success,
motherhood, not having children,
judgment and self-judgment typically
fall into the same category of safety
and basic survival with concern
about being judged ostracized
or expelled from community.
But there are also times
when a woman's acting hot and cold
isn't about basic survival.
So, if the previous suggestions don't apply
and there isn't actually something
fundamentally misaligned in your compatibility.
Then a woman becoming hot and cold
becomes about standards and expectations.
So, we all have standards and expectations
some of them are higher than others
some of them are lower than others
we are all often very different.
So, let's go back to our original example
where you're dating this woman
and everything seems to be going well
but then things start going sideways
and she just won't say why, what happened.
So, as mentioned there are essentially
two reasons why women go hot and cold
one has to do with you
the other has to do with her.
First, let's say you did something bad
that triggered an innate fear inside her
for example you casually say
maybe you're watching a movie
and it's relevant to the scene.
You say you know, probably every guy
would cheat if given the opportunity
as long as he never got caught.
Uhh...
She's like oh, ding, ding, ding
not the good ding, ding, ding fill her up
she's talking ding, ding, ding danger.
So, what this might do for her or to her
is tell her that you might cheat on her one day
because your belief system thinks
that's possible for all guys.
Even if she grew up in
an emotionally safe and stable home.
Her expectations and standards
are in this instance that
monogamy is not only possible
but she believes in monogamy.
And she wants to be with someone else
who believes in monogamy
even if that's completely
delusional in the real world.
So, by saying all guys will cheat
if given the opportunity
if they don't get caught
that does not make her feel safe
with you in this particular example.
So, she might go cold to again try to figure out
if you really do align in your values and beliefs
and potential as a long-term mate.
So, distance allows her to see the situation
a bit more clearly
without being emotionally involved
and evaluate whether or not
she actually misses you.
And she often doesn't even know
that this is why she's pulling away
she just knows she needs
some space to herself.
So, she may not be able to verbally articulate
why she's doing what she's doing
but these are some of the reasons
why she might be going hot and cold on you
so that you understand when it does happen
or if it does happen.
And key point, even if she does know
why she's pulling away
she may not want to jump the gun by telling you
because jumping the gun by telling you
might create tension or even a breakup
when maybe one isn't necessary.
Okay, so now what about
if her going hot and cold is about her
let's say things are going really well
and you've been really good to her.
And there's no red flags that have come up
for you or for her so far that you can think of.
And maybe you did something really good
by saying something like
I do believe in monogamy
and I’m going to treat you like the queen you are
forever like you're all in.
There's no question that
you're going to be loyal to her for eternity
at least that's your intention
but then she goes cold what happened.
Well, as alluded to earlier sometimes
a woman will go cold
if she's triggered into self-sabotage
maybe she didn't have a healthy childhood.
And her experiences and her references for love
weren't healthy maybe her parents broke up.
Or there was not a lot of love there
or there was a lot of yelling
or there was absence
or whatever, whatever, whatever.
So, if she didn't have
a very healthy reference point
then anything that feels unfamiliar to that
is going to trigger her
to not believe in the truth of it.
Or maybe her dad cheated on her mom
or mom cheated on her dad.
So, in this case, her standards may be outwardly
that she wants monogamy.
But her expectations internally may be that
she doesn't believe it's actually possible.
Remember key point we tend
to be drawn to what's familiar
because familiar equals comfortable
and you might even relate to this yourself.
If you've grown up in a situation or childhood
where it wasn't that emotionally healthy for you.
Guarantee there's probably some areas
you were sabotaging yourself whether or not
you're even aware of it, we've all been there.
So, in this example
if you're treating her too well
and that doesn't feel natural to her
then she might be going cold.
Because it feels unfamiliar and
or she's worried that
it's not real and you are going to leave her
when you figure out
whatever negative thing about her
that she doesn't think you've figured out yet.
Or she's recreating the pattern
that happened in childhood with her father
leaving or divorcing or cheating.
So, she pulls away seemingly to get equilibrium
but really she's just really uncomfortable
in that healthy situation.
Now, remember you guys, you guys
who are fix it, hat wearers
and damsel in distress rescuers
emotionally damaged women
may or may not get over their baggage
just like you may or may not
get over your baggage.
But you can potentially help her
get through it with time consistency and effort
but there's no guarantee
she's going to stick with you
once she gets healthy.
She may become such a different person
that she has different values, different goals,
different standards and different expectations
for who she wants to be with
and that may or may not include you.
So, all that investment might be for naught,
nada, zilch, zippo etc.
And I’m not suggesting that
you ditch and run at the first pink flag,
but if there are a lot of red flags
watch my red flag video.
Then you definitely want to pay attention to that
and ask yourself why you might be
sticking with something
that is really challenging.
We're all a little bit damaged
we all have past trauma and baggage
that affects our ability
to be emotionally healthy in relationships.
So, if you're waiting to find
the perfect healthy person
but you're not that perfect healthy person
then you're not going to be able
to attract that person anyway.
We tend to be attracted to our emotional equal.
So, usually we end up having to work through
some of this baggage within a relationship.
But if you're aware
awareness is the first step to change.
If you're aware that
there is some baggage on your end
because there wouldn't be baggage
on just her end.
For you to be attracted to her
there's something in you
that might need a little tweak.
So, just remember we're all a little bit broken
and don't ditch and run at the first pink flag.
But if there are a lot of red flags
then yes, you do owe it to yourself
to not put yourself through that
essentially self-abuse by staying.
Now, the way you handle a woman
going hot and cold is essentially the same
regardless of the reason for it.
And people's insecurities shouldn't get
in the way of them being able
to have a great relationship.
So, let's say you do meet a girl
and she's got a lot of the qualities that
you're definitely looking for in a long-term mate,
but she also has certain issues
that I've mentioned earlier.
So, you need to know how to
navigate the relationship
so you don't trigger her insecurities.
Just like you would want her to know
how to navigate the relationship with you
to not trigger your insecurities.
It's a two-way street both have to make the effort
I’m just here giving you the information
that can help you on your end.
And luckily there are ways you can do this
so that you can avoid missing out
on your wonderful relationship
with the woman you're interested in.
All you have to do is follow a few simple steps
and she will not only warm up to you
she will be hot for you.
She'll be the one trying to win you over
she'll be texting you
and wanting to get together with you
and initiating that.
So, if you're in a situation
where maybe she's starting to pull away a bit
you want to watch my video
what to do when she pulls away
long-term relationship
versus short-term relationship.
Because there's certain things
that either you've done
that can be corrected.
Or that are red flags about her
that you'll need to know about
so that you can figure out
what your next steps are.
So, watch that video now
so you'll know what to do
if you're in this situation.
Thanks for being here, God bless.
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