Hey guys, I’m Kya and Halloween might be over,
but that doesn’t mean you’re safe.
That’s why we’re expanding our ‘How to Kill’ series beyond slashers and serial killers.
Because the future is now, and there’s no fate but what we make for ourselves.
So come with me if you want to live, because I’m gonna tell you
How to Kill the Terminator.
At least, how to kill one today.
In the future, humans have access to high-tech weapons that can annihilate Skynet’s killer cyborgs.
But in 1984? You might be out of luck.
With these weapons... I don't know...
Fortunately, these unfeeling, emotionless death machines aren’t immune to
Depression.
James Cameron’s tech-noir triumph is about a deadly cyborg sent back in time to kill Sarah Connor,
You're dead, honey.
mother of the Resistance leader John.
John sent someone back too: Kyle Reese, and this guy knows his shit.
Allright listen. The Terminator is an infiltration unit. Part man, part machine.
Underneath it's a hyperalloy combat chasse. Microprocessor controlled.
Fully armored, very tough.
But outside, it's living human tissue.
Seriously, he should have hosted this video, if he wasn’t, y’know, dead.
The Terminator chases Sarah all across L.A., from a neon nightclub to an insane police station massacre,
and it seems like nothing can stop him.
Kyle’s shotgun barely makes him flinch, and an igniting gas tank just singes off Arnold’s eyebrows.
A fuel truck explosion can burn off his organic exterior, though,
exposing the titanium endoskeleton underneath.
It also makes the Terminator start moving all jerky for some reason.
Kyle cripples the machine with a pipe-bomb, sacrificing himself in the process,
But just like John Cena, the T-800 never gives up.
Hustle... loyalty... respect... Cenation.
It crawls after Sarah, who lures it into a hydraulic press.
Then she crushes it with one of the most badass sendoffs in cinematic history:
You're terminated!
Sarah lives to fight another day, and fight she will.
She has to deal with multiple Terminators in 'T2: Judgement Day,'
but both of them can be killed by
A Li’l Lava Dip.
This time, Skynet sends in the big guns: the T-1000.
It's made of a m-- A mimem--
Arnold, say it!
A mimetic polyalloy.
Thank you, Arnold.
It basically makes Arnold look like a Rock'em Sock'em Robot by comparison.
It can form its limbs into deadly blades,
perfectly mimic your loved ones,
and murder them before they can finish their milk.
Can you imagine if she just stabbed him through the milk and did a dab?
Arnold doesn't have a chance, and neither does John Connor, who he's now programmed to protect.
Hand-to-hand combat is futile, and bullets are completely worthless.
But our heroes get a lucky break when a truck full of liquid nitrogen freezes the T-1000.
The shattered pieces pull themselves together, but it's a good start.
The T-1000 glitches out after the ordeal,
clueing us in that extreme temperatures are the key to taking it down.
The two machines fight their final battle inside a steel mill.
And if you're still wondering how to kill a T-800, the T-1000 does a damn good job.
He smashes Arnold's head, destroys his arm and impales him right through the power cell,
but his reserve battery brings him back to life,
just in time to explode the T-1000 with one well-placed round from a grenade launcher.
The twisted mess plunges into a vat of molten steel, completely dissolving in the liquid metal.
And in the most heartbreaking twist in movie history,
No, don't do it! Please, don't go!
I know now why you cry.
we learn that the lava's pretty effective against the older model, too.
Hasta la vista, baby.
In ‘Rise of the Machines,’ we learn about a new model Terminator, the T-X.
Honestly, I'm not sure what Skynet was thinking, because she’s way more killable than the T-1000.
You just need a teeny-tiny
Nuke.
The T-X has the same morphing alloy on the outside,
but it’s covering a metal endoskeleton.
I guess it’s cool that she can turn her hand into a gun like Mega Man,
but I think plain old lead is just as effective.
I mean, those clunky old prototypes have no problem slaughtering a bunker full of soldiers.
And for such an advanced model, the T-X’s body makes her way more vulnerable than the T-1000.
Like when Arnold crashes a helicopter into the T-X and crushes her legs,
It’s too bad she couldn’t, y’know, just melt and reform.
She has to crawl instead,
Which means Arnold has a chance to set off his hydrogen power cell,
blowing them both to robot Hell in an atomic blast.
You are terminated!
The next entry in the Terminator franchise is the extremely underrated ‘Sarah Connor Chronicles.’
Lena Headey is absolutely badass as the title character,
and Summer Glau steals the show as a sympathetic Terminator named Cameron.
He's not a guy. He's a scary robot.
Sadly, we just don’t have time to cover it in detail.
There are just too many Terminators, and they’re a lot weaker than the movies.
I mean, I can’t imagine Arnold getting folded like laundry until his titanium neck snaps.
But there are some helpful examples here,
So cue the royalty-free Benny Hill music, ‘cause it’s time for the
Lightning Round
*MONTAGE*
Well, shit. That’s a lot of scrap metal, but we’re not through yet.
Let’s take a trip to the future with ‘Terminator: Salvation,’
Me and Christian Bale have one thing in common:
This movie makes us really mad.
TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU STUPID BASTARD!
In the first three movies, we only saw the post-Judgment Day world in bits and pieces.
We hear about John Connor’s heroism, but we don’t really see it.
It’s left to our imagination, or at least it was before McG got his hands on the franchise.
The mystery is gone with the future setting,
and the titular machines just aren’t as special when there’s so many of them.
I mean, one T-600 is literally destroyed by a little girl,
And others just get blown away by bullets.
Even the climactic T-800 fight just ends with a simple
Decapitation.
Just when you start to notice how unconvincing the CGI Arnold is,
a grenade launcher burns its skin off.
Some molten metal slows it down for a while,
but in the end a mysterious Terminator named Marcus just kinda rips its head off.
Pretty poor design on Skynet’s part.
I mean, it’s a robot, its brain doesn’t need to be in its head just because a human’s is.
Why doesn’t Arnold just keep a backup CPU in his biceps or his butt or something?
I do not want to touch his ass.
Speaking of things that don’t make sense, it’s time to talk ‘Terminator: Genisys.’
Sarah takes out the 1984 original
with a single shot from a .50 caliber sniper rifle.
A new T-1000 brings it back to life with a drop of liquid metal,
but Kyle shoots its head off with the same gun.
As for the T-1000, turns out that boiling metal isn’t the only thing that can dissolve it.
An acid bath will do the trick, too.
There’s also the T-3000, a new nanotech model posing as John Connor.
And for such an advanced machine, you’d think it would have some sort of protection against
Magnets
I’m sure the T-3000 seemed like a good idea,
I mean, turning into a killer cloud looks like fun.
But if your murder machine gets messed up by an MRI,
You might wanna go back to the drawing board.
Plus Arnold’s new magno-gauntlet seriously messes him up,
and so does the energy generated by a time machine.
Skynet is great at exterminating humanity, but it has more trouble with magnets than the Insane Clown Posse.
Magnets. How do they work?
There’s a whole lot of crazy in ‘Genisys,’
Nanites, magnet gloves, the mother of Dragons…
It feels like the Terminator franchise has lost its way.
But it looks like the next movie might finally right the ship,
since both James Cameron and Linda Hamilton are back on board.
I’m skeptical, but we might just get the back-to-basics reboot I’ve been waiting for,
along with a truly terrifying Terminator.