Do you want to know what a narcissists' most dangerous lie is? It's not what you think.
Stay tuned to find out.
Hi. I'm Rebecca Zung, and I have been recognized by many organizations, such as US News and Legal
Elite as one of the top lawyers in America. And more importantly for you, I've written a couple of
bestselling books Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R., and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide.
But most importantly, I help people get out of relationships with narcissists.
I teach you the negotiation skills that you need so that you can have that fair, equitable result
that you're seeking and that you deserve. So if that sounds good to you,
then make sure you hit the subscribe button and hit the notification bell, and that way you will
get notified when I upload new videos. So let's talk about that narcissists' most dangerous lie.
They lie about everything. The narcissists' lie is a way of life. They lie about all kinds of stuff,
including things that they don't need to lie about, which is kind of baffling to me.
And they even lie about things that are readily verifiable, which is also kind of baffling to me.
And if you want to know more, specifically, about narcissists' lies,
I would highly recommend that you check out my video called Narcissists' Most Common Lies.
And I actually do have an accompanying podcast to that too. So for those of you
who like to get your information in different kinds of mediums, I do have a podcast
it's on every single outlet where you can find podcasts, and it's called Negotiate Your Best
Life. And you can check out that show on Narcissists' Most Common Lies there too.
But going back to what the most dangerous lie is. It is not what you think. It's not like, what are
they saying that's so dangerous? It's more how it lands for you. And that's why it's so dangerous.
And that is the lie that you desperately want to believe. And the reason why that is so dangerous,
is because they are constantly packaging their lies in a way that you will believe,
that you want to believe, that might be plausible, that seems real, that allows you to ignore those
red flags that may be going up in your head. And if you want to know more about why
people ignore narcissists' red flags, I highly recommend you check out my video on that. Anyway,
you will be getting these lies and you're realizing something is off and you see something,
maybe you see a text message come through that doesn't seem right, and you confront them on
it. And they have some plausible explanation for it. Or it might not even be all that plausible,
but you're just like, "You know what? I want to believe this person. I want to believe that my
whole life is not a lie. I want to believe that this person actually loves me. I want to believe
that I'm not in business with a shark, with somebody who is awful. I mean, they don't seem
terrible all the time. Sometimes they seem good." And so you end up processing something in a way
that ends up, maybe they get away with their lie, because you want to believe it so desperately.
And that can happen in a number of different ways. So one of the ways that they package their lies
so that you will believe it, which becomes dangerous for you, is something called future
faking. And what happens there is that they say, "Yeah, you know what? This happened,
but in the future, here's what life is going to look like." So if it's in business,
"I'm going to start participating. I'm going to generate all these sales.
I'm going to do all this stuff. I'm taking the lead on this particular effort," whatever it is.
And then they don't ever do it, and that's future faking. But in that moment, you really,
really want to believe it. Same thing, if it's in a romantic relationship, you get that text message
or you see that thing happen, or they didn't show up for something, or they didn't do something that
they were supposed to. They didn't give you the birthday gift they were supposed to. They didn't
take care of your kids the way they were supposed to, or blew off your mother or whatever it is.
And you call them out on it. And there you go, having a conversation, which is,
"That's never going to happen again. Let's forget about the past. Let's just think about the future.
Let's just take it from here forward. Because from now on, you are going to feel appreciated.
You will get everything you deserve. You are the best at everything." And whatever
comes out of their mouth, that they have to say in that moment for you to believe them.
And for a variety of reasons, sometimes you just want to believe them. So you do. And so more time
goes by. And now you're investing more of your life, and more of your time, and more of your
energy into this person. And the more you invest, the more you want it to work, the more you want to
believe the lies. And if you just think that they are such liars, give me a "liars" in the comments.
So the next way they package their lies is through gaslighting. And gaslighting
is something that they use to try to make you think that you're crazy. And if you want to know
more about gaslighting, check out my video on Narcissists' Favorite Gaslighting Techniques.
But they use gaslighting to try to make you think that you're crazy. And I've mentioned this before,
but I haven't mentioned it in a while. So I'll mention it again for those of you who don't know.
It actually comes from this old movie called Gaslight. And I think it was even a play before
that. And then it became a movie and it was like from the 30s or 40s, where the husband was trying
to make the wife think that she was crazy. So he would blow out these gaslights throughout the
house. And she would say, "Wasn't that just lit?" And he would say, "No. No it wasn't."
He was hoping that she would lose her mind. And that's what happens
with narcissists, they start to gaslight you. They start to say things that are different
than what was said before, or to try to make you believe that something happened that
didn't happen, or something did happen that didn't happen. And they just rewrite reality. So, I had a
client one time who, the ex-wife, the narcissistic ex-wife, threatened to call the authorities on him
if he picked up the child at a certain time, or something, a time that he was
entitled to pick up the child. But she said, "If you do,
I'm calling the authorities." So he emails her back and says, "I really don't appreciate you
threatening to call the cops on me. And this is exactly why I want this, this, and this done. And
I want you to sign this agreement." Well, now she doesn't want to sign this agreement. She doesn't
want to do these other things that he wants her to do. So she turns around to try to use it
against him in a way, and say, "Hey, I never said I was going to call the cops. I said,
I was going to call the authorities, which is something different."
And you know darn well that when she said I'm calling the authorities, she met the cops. But
there is a perfect opportunity for her, perfect example of gaslighting. So now she's saying,
"That's not what I meant." And so, he's supposed to go, "Oh, what did you mean? It wasn't that?
Okay." And then now you're having a conversation about that. Perfect example of gaslighting. But
there's a type of lie, gaslighting is a type of lie that you might want to believe. Where they're
saying now something different than what they said before, but you want to believe it, because
you don't want to believe that you are so wrong. I mean, a lot of times we want to believe it
because we don't want to have to admit that we've been in a relationship with someone who is so
horrible to us. Who's so untrustworthy, who's so dishonest.
I mean, we don't want to have to believe that ourselves. We don't want to have to think,
"Oh my gosh, how could I have been so stupid or whatever?" But just remember that narcissists
are master manipulators. They're very good at reading people. They're very good at figuring
out what it is that you want in the beginning. So you can't beat yourself up over that.
So that's the most dangerous lie. The most dangerous lie is the one that you want to believe.
And when you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist in any situation,
business, or personal, or divorce, or whatever, there is also an example of
a dangerous lie, because you might want to believe that they sincerely want to negotiate with you,
that they sincerely want to settle the case, that they sincerely want to make it right, and have
it be something that's amicable, when they don't actually, when they are actually behind your back,
stabbing your back, doing things to you. And then they say they're not.
You want to believe that. And that's where it can be very, very dangerous
as well. So if you're getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist, make sure to
grab my free Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet at winmynegotiation.com. It's basically an ebook.
You get it for free. It's an incredible resource. And you can just get it at winmynegotiation.com.
If you want to join my free private Facebook group, come join us. Lots of us in there helping
each other, supporting each other. And if you like this video, like it,
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Thanks so much for joining me today. I am so glad that you're here. I'm so glad you're
part of this community. I send you light, strength, courage, and love. And remember,
today's a great day to start negotiating your best life. I'll see you in the next video.