"We live in this world where sexuality is kind of at the center of everything"
"It's at the center of how we think about relationships. It's at the center of how we think about pleasure -
It's the center of how we think about a lot of aspects of our lives"
[Narrator] But in a world so focused on sex- whether it's homo, hetero, bi or something else
You may be unfamiliar with the subset of people who don't experience any sexual attraction at all to anyone
This is an exploration of asexuality.
Representing about 1% of the population
Asexuality is defined as a lack of sexual attraction to others
Despite the simple definition asexuality is a spectrum.
"Classic" asexuals don't feel any sexual attraction
Demisexuals only feel attraction once a strong bond has been formed
and gray-asexuals identify as being somewhere between asexual and sexual
Asexuality is fairly unique as far as sexual orientations go because it cuts across other orientations
such as straight, gay, and lesbian, and even monogamy and polyamory
Keep in mind no one is trying to invent new sexual orientations.
People have simply found names for the way people have felt about sex for hundreds of years now
Because asexuality is a fairly foreign concept to most people it can garner many questions and misconceptions
So let's start off by dispelling some myths
Asexuality and celibacy while kind of related are not the same thing
Celibacy is the act of abstaining from any sexual activity
While naturally there are exceptions it's usually done for religious reasons and viewed as the sort of "sacrifice". Bottom line: celibacy is a choice
Asexuality on the other hand is a sexual orientation
Just like you can't choose which gender attracts you, aces don't choose to lack sexual attraction
So you can't really choose to be asexual, but you could simply refrain from sex to be celibate
it is worth noting though that asexuals or "aces" for short would likely be more comfortable to celibacy than the rest of the population
So it's not a stretch to imagine aces in the clergy
But asexuality is not a subset of celibacy. It's a Venn diagram.
Which brings us to myth number two.
Just because someone identifies as an asexual doesn't mean that they can't have or enjoy sex
[Man]: "It's not like- a code. It's not like we kick you out or something."
[Narrator] Aces still feel physical and sexual pleasures. They just don't feel that desire to initiate it with others like everyone else
Despite the lack of sexual attraction
Asexuals may have sex for a number of reasons
Some do it to please their partner while others may just do it for a rush of dopamine
Not surprisingly though, asexuals are reported to have less frequent sex than the rest of the population
There are however asexuals who are actually grossed out by sex. These individuals are known as sex-repulsed.
Like celibacy, asexuality is also not the same thing as being anti-sex, a general opposition
to sexuality whose most radical examples include the 18th century Skoptsy who enforced compulsory
castration by a hot iron and a baptism of fire to prevent sexual activity.
Yeah, this is not that.
Fun fact though, Corn Flakes inventor John Harvey Kellogg with anti-sex and especially anti-masturbation
Now you may be wondering if asexuals masturbate, the answer varies depending on who you ask
Some don't feel the need while others simply do it for the dopamine
according to one study though the majority do
Sexual attraction is only one type of attraction
Aces may still experience physical, aesthetic, and romantic attraction. Just like everyone else
The level of physical activity an asexual is attracted to of course varies from person to person
For example some find kissing enjoyable while others don't some may just want to cuddle.
Aesthetic attraction is just being attracted to something or someone for its appearance.
Asexuals can think someone is drop-dead gorgeous and still not have the desire to sleep with them.
And just because someone is ace doesn't mean they don't like a little romance.
However, there are actually people who don't experience romantic feelings for others.
These individuals are considered aromantic, and you don't have to be asexual to be aromantic.
You can desire both sex with others and a life without a romantic partner.
You might be thinking asexuals just lack a sex drive.
But there's a reason most asexuals masturbate.
Sex drive varies among asexuals just like the rest of the population
so you can be asexual and still have a normal sex drive.
Some healthcare providers may try to medicalize asexuality as a disorder, such as Inhibited Sexual Desire (ISD)
later known as Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD).
In the DSM-5, HSDD was split into two gender-specific disorders: Male Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder and
Female Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder.
The criteria have received constructive criticism over the years and continue to evolve,
but the main symptoms include a lack of sexual thoughts or fantasies, lack of sexual desire, and distress as a result of these symptoms.
For any condition to be considered a medical disorder
it should be directly and intrinsically associated with distress, disability or certain other types of disadvantage.
I think most asexuals really don't mind their lack of sexual attraction,
so it's inaccurate to characterize it as a disorder. Any distress that stems from being asexual
usually comes in the form of other people's reactions and subsequent behavior, on top of general feelings of isolation.
Because asexuality represents about 1% of the population, if an ace person gets into a relationship,
it's likely their significant other will not be asexual.
This often creates a dynamic where the asexual partner is expected to compromise by having some amount of sex.
Another potential pressure point is the stigma that a relationship with little or no sex is a failing relationship.
This plays into the larger erasure of asexuality
as seen among public perception and in the media.
Sex is crucial to public belonging.
Many people can't fathom living without sexual attraction
and as a result may question or attempt to debunk the existence of asexuality.
[Joy Behar on The View] "Maybe it's repressed because you don't want to face what the sexuality might look like. Could that be? See, I'm trying to get to the bottom of this."
[Narrator] Because most people begin feeling attraction during adolescence,
that's often the time when asexuals realize they're different from their peers.
However, due to their young age, teenaged and young adult asexuals are often told it's just a phase
or that they just haven't met the right person yet.
Asexuals are regularly exposed to prying questions to get to the bottom of their aversion to sex.
[Television Show] JOY: "Do you ever have sex with yourself?"
DAVID: "There's so many sexual people who will masturbate."
JOY: "You didn't answer the question, do YOU like to have sex with yourself?"
DAVID: "Oh, me personally? I've tried it, it was alright."
[Narrator] In TV, asexual characters consistently turn out to be sexual.
In an episode of House (released in 2012) an asexual couple comes into the hospital.
The show's portrayal of asexuality can be summed up in one quote from Dr. House himself--
DR. HOUSE: "Lots of people don't have sex. The only people who don't want it are either sick, dead, or lying."
WOMAN: "So maybe she's lying"
Spoiler Alert, the man had a brain tumor inhibiting his sex drive, and the woman was just faking it the whole time.
One show that I think does it right?
Bojack.
The character Todd Chavez realizes he's asexual during the series and it's never delegitimized or abandoned after the fact.
Thanks, Bojack.
Even though asexuals fall under the LGBTQ umbrella,
they're still sometimes met with isolation and unsympathetic rhetoric.
Because the movement generally promotes sex and sexual identities, aces can still feel isolated or ostracized.
Also, while gay lesbian and trans people can't easily hide their orientation to avoid attention or persecution,
asexuals can usually blend into society and appear as heterosexual as anyone else.
For that reason some people within and outside the non-heterosexual movement
don't take Asexual's inclusion as seriously, going as far to say:
the A in LGBTQIA stands for "ally" rather than "asexual".
It's small things like this that keep asexual people in denial about their identity
So why in a sexual world do we need asexual representation and awareness?
There are likely millions of people who fall under the asexual umbrella who don't even know it and
Many more who feel incredibly isolated for their lack of sexual desire
Who feel like something is inherently wrong with them, who have felt delegitimized or erased.
Awareness and education of asexuality providing normalcy and acceptance for those lacking sexual attraction
There's nothing wrong with you just because you don't want to bone someone
Fortunately the Internet offers many great communities for
asexuals, demisexuals, gray-asexuals and aromantics, some of which include the forums on asexuality.org
as part of the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) created by David J
Several asexuality subreddits, with or without memes, and both private and public Facebook groups
Like the other orientations belonging to the LGBTQ moniker
Asexuality is represented by a striped flag.
the various colors stand for: asexuality, gray-asexuality, sexuality, and community
Purple is the "ace" color and any incidental use of these colors will be appropriated as asexual representation
Aces may also wear a black ring on the middle finger of their right hand as a subtle way to denote their orientation
You may be wondering if you know anyone who's asexual and I bet that you do.
In addition to individuals in your everyday life, some celebrities have come out as asexual such as Tim Gunn from Project Runway
But arguably the most famous asexual in the world is this guy
SpongeBob creator Stephen Hillenburg denied 2002 rumors that
SpongeBob and Patrick were gay and being used to further the "homosexual agenda"
Saying, "We never intended them to be gay. I consider them to be almost asexual."
Sherlock Holmes has always been suspected of being asexual
but BBC's Sherlock writer, Steven Moffat confirmed this in an interview saying
"He's happy being Sherlock Holmes. Other people might have a problem with him being asexual, he doesn't have any problem with it. He's fine."
So the next time you need to explain why you don't have a burning sexual desire like anyone else,
consider saving your breath and showing them this video instead so they can say, "Huh."
Then asked you a dozen follow-up questions, which is okay.
If someone is asking questions from a respectful place, it means they want to understand you. That's pretty cool!
[Outro music]