Hi, everyone. This is Jessica Alba.
I am set with Romper
and this is how I handle the big parenting conversations.
(upbeat music)
Certainly, when we got on TikTok
and they were making fun of me
and my lack of TikTok dancing skills,
I was like, "You know, I'm not a dancer, kids,
but I did a dance movie called 'Honey,'
and people liked it."
It's a bizarre reality.
You know, they didn't really know that I was an actress
until a kid from school brought a magazine to school
and my oldest was horrified.
And I was like, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
Then my parents showed the kids a movie that I was in
which is- I'm just like-
I just didn't expose them to that stuff
and I was like, "Oh, my gosh.
They still think I'm cringy; it doesn't really matter."
(laughs)
The lens that I look through
is I remember how my mom spoke about her body
then informed the way that I was gonna
talk to myself about my body.
And even when my mom said, you know, "You're beautiful
and it doesn't matter what other people think,"
it didn't matter.
I took on her baggage.
And so, I make a very concerted effort
not to talk poorly about my body in front of my kids,
even when I'm like, "Man, my stretch marks or the loose skin
or the cellulite or whatever it is."
I just talk about like, "Do you feel good?
Do you feel comfortable? Do you feel healthy?"
I think it's important that you know
that no matter what you say to your kids
and how you have that unconditional love as a parent,
they're going to view themselves
the way that you view yourself.
It's sort of like walk the walk versus talk the talk.
It's hard for a child to grasp
any other reality than their own.
And so, you just have to figure out
how to poke through that and pierce through that.
You know, they're growing up
in a totally different reality than how I grew up
where my parents were living paycheck to paycheck, you know,
trying to make ends meet and working several jobs each.
Meanwhile, they have a very secure financial household
where we're not worried about those types of things.
So, they need to have humility and compassion
and also be very grateful for what they have
but know that it's not an entitlement,
it's not something they should just expect.
They should always work hard.
They should always be respectful.
So, I think there's only so much right that you can do
and that they can comprehend
but I think if you consistently expose them
to things outside of their safe little bubble,
I think that that's good.
I probably should choose my timing better
but I kind of just talk about it
in the moment when it's happening, you know?
When they are upset and they want to run away
and go to their room, I'll let them take that time.
After about 10 minutes,
it's sort of not as, you know, fire, it's not as heated.
Then we can kind of talk through it.
And even when you're going through hormonal changes
and even though you're growing
and you have all these emotions-
at any moment, you can cry or you can laugh
and you just feel like sort of jumbled-
I'm like, "That is all exactly
what you should be feeling right now.
So, that's normal. Don't hold it inside.
You have to let it out. You have to express yourself."
I think I was really frustrated
with the way that I was raised
which is probably why I started working when I was 12.
And I felt very stifled and it was debilitating
and it was quite sort of depressed as a kid from it.
My parents and my grandparents
were never trying to do any harm;
it's just what they knew.
And so, when it came to parenting,
I just knew that I didn't want my kids to feel as trapped.
We've taken a much more open approach
when it comes to communicating.
I guess I've gotten more comfortable
with me being open and vulnerable
and being open with them about making mistakes.
You know, I want my kids to feel seen and heard and valued
but I also have to put into consideration that they're kids
and they don't necessarily have the skillset
to be treated like an adult
and to make those types of choices.
So, they still need a lot of guidance
and they still need boundaries.
It's being seen and being valued
but being still very hands-on, helping them process life.