Are you a victim of a narcissist triangulation?
By the end of this video, you're going to know exactly what's going on,
what phrases that narcissist uses in order to line up those flying monkeys and triangulate.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and the best-selling author of the books Negotiate Like
YOU M.A.T.T.E.R and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide. And I've helped thousands of people
go from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos to step into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose.
And I do the same thing for you right here on my channel and in these videos. So make sure
you subscribe and you hit that notification bell. And that way you'll get notified when
I upload new videos and I go live and I do all the cool things that I do on this channel to
help you escape these narcissistic relationships. So now let's talk about triangulation and flying
monkeys. If you don't know what a flying monkey is, it is a person that is being used against
you by that narcissist. And they may not even know that they're being used as a flying monkey,
or sometimes maybe they know that they're being lined up against you, but sometimes they don't
even realize that that's what's going on. And if you want to know more about flying monkeys,
you should definitely check out my video on flying monkeys, but it comes from the Wizard of Oz where
the wicked witch had flying monkeys. And these flying monkeys would kind of do her dirty work
and go along with whatever it was that she wanted to do. And they were just there kind of hanging
out and being used against people, Dorothy, and there was the Tin Man and the Scarecrow and the
Lion to scare them and also to intimidate. They were kind of scary looking weird creatures, right?
So that's what a flying monkey is. And the triangulation is part of what a narcissist
uses to manipulate, punish, and control you. And definitely check out my video on what tactics they
use for manipulation and control to learn more about what all of the ones are that they use.
But when you're dealing with a narcissist, especially during the discard phase, then
flying monkeys are going to start getting lined up, but they start lining up the flying monkeys,
even while you're in a relationship with them. Both of the narcissists that I had to deal with
were that, and it was one of those things when it was happening to me that I could feel that
these narcissists were talking about me to people they thought would hurt me or that it would be
especially powerful to have them be against me in some way. And I could feel it, but I didn't know
exactly what was going on. I certainly didn't have the terminology of flying monkey or triangulation
or even narcissism. I didn't even know that these people were narcissists yet. At that point,
I was really more just like this doesn't feel right. Something's going on here. Something is
wrong. I feel like these people don't like me or they're lining up to be with these people.
So I wasn't really sure what was going on, but here's the kind of phrases, there are certain
kinds of phrases that the narcissist to use in order to triangulate. One of the phrases
that they use to you, everyone thinks, everyone else believes that you are an alcoholic. Everyone
knows how difficult you are. Everyone knows how great I am. Everyone thinks that I am successful.
Everyone else believes that I'm a great dad or a great mom, but you're the only one who
doesn't think that. Everyone knows how I've built this business and how great I am to work for.
You're the only one who has the problem. So kind of the flip of everyone thinks is you're
the only one. And that's one of the ways that they start triangulating. And this is where I say
that these are people who aren't, they don't even know that they're being used as flying monkeys,
but it's a term meant to gaslight you, trying to make you think that you're crazy, is that everyone
thinks you're the only one that thinks that. The second one is always, so they go and they
tell people, she always says this about me, or she's always drinking too much. She's always late
for picking up the children. Always. So they use words like always to make it seem like it's just
a constant thing. And these are things that might've happened once. I mean, there might've
been one time where you were late, either to work or to picking up the kids or whatever.
And now this person is going to characterize this as this always is happening to other people,
they'll say that sort of thing. So basically what's happening
when they are trying to triangulate is they are trying to get this person to
give them credibility, to give them validity and also make you feel
bad. So it's kind of like a double thing that they get out of this is they get this credibility,
which bolsters their ego, which feeds their narcissistic supply. And coupled with it also
makes you feel intimidated, makes you feel bad, hurts you in some way, makes you think that you're
crazy. And you're the only one. Or makes you think that all these people are lining up against you
and everyone is on their side and not on your side or especially people that mean something
to you. And if you have seen this and you have been a victim of this, and you know that this is
not okay, give me a "not okay" in the comments. So the next one that they use is even, even,
and how they use even is like even the worst person in the world knows that fill in the blank.
Even my crazy ex never acted as bad as you, even your mother
doesn't like you, even the people on the street were looking at you and seeing how
unhinged you were, even the drunkest people at the party saw how your behavior was so bad,
things like that. So even is another way that they start to triangulate. And they might even say it
to other people as they're talking bad about you. Even the neighbors saw that or heard them
screaming or heard him or her doing something or whatever. So these are the types of evens
that they'll use for other people to try to line those people up against you and make you feel like
even the biggest scum of the earth is seeing you and judging you or is better than you in some way.
So the flip side of all of these words can also be used as well. So every time or always can
always be never. And no one thinks instead of everyone thinks. The idea is really just
to try to make you feel like you're on an island alone, that no one else thinks the way you think,
that everyone else believes that the other person is wonderful. You're never going to get anywhere.
You shouldn't even bother to try. It's also to try to make you feel jealous,
make you feel small, make you feel controlled by this person, intimidated by this person. They get
everybody thinking that they're wonderful. And the flip side of you feeling terrible
and intimidated or jealous, or like everyone thinks badly of you in some way and thinks
wonderful of the other person in some ways. So they'll use whatever they need to,
especially with people that they think will be extremely hurtful to you like maybe your family
or other people that you work with, or people who are close to you, anybody who they think that
they're really, really good at finding the weak spots, the people who might fall for what it is
that you're going to say. One of the things that I noticed when I was dealing with a family member,
who's a narcissist, is that this person would go up to the other person and act like the victim
like, Oh, I've tried so hard and they're just not kind to me, they're not good to me.
And then the other person would come back to me and my husband and say,
Oh, maybe you could try harder or maybe you could give this person another chance, because obviously
that person who's now become a flying monkey has no idea what the history of the relationship was
or the kinds of things that had been done. They only know the sad story, the victim story.
Covert narcissists are especially great at this. This is why I really just have a massive disdain
for covert narcissist. If you want to know more about covert narcissist, check out my video
on covert narcissism in relationships. I go into much, much deeper information about that, but
they're especially good at playing the victim. And Oh, this person who is much more powerful than me
was able to take advantage of me and it's not fair and life isn't fair. And so that's another way
that narcissist use as a method of triangulation. So if you are dealing with a narcissist
and you are getting ready to negotiate with one, make sure to grab my free Crush My Negotiation
Prep Worksheet, you can just get it at winmynegotiation.com. And
if you liked this video, make sure to give me a like, and if you know anybody who is
dealing with a narcissist also, and dealing with triangulation and dealing with flying monkeys
and all of these abuse tactics that narcissists are using, make sure to share this video,
give it a share and drop me a comment. Go ahead and do that now. And if you haven't subscribed
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If you're dealing with a narcissist and you're feeling isolated and alone,
and you want to connect with others who are also dealing with narcissists,
make sure to come join me in my free private Facebook group,
it's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung, and we'll drop links to all this stuff below
as well. I am so glad that you stopped by today and watch this video. Remember,
today's a great day to start negotiating your best life. I will see you in the next video.