The Cruella Deville look?
Totally intentional. You have an arch nemesis.
And while I suppose that's a great life achievement,
it's probably not ideal at work.
If you're dealing with difficult people at work,
and you need to know how to work with people you hate, stay
tuned. Hello and welcome back to my channel,
where I help you slay your career and cultivate the successful life you want.
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If you're new here,
you've probably arrived at this video because you're trying to figure out
how to deal with difficult people at work.
Maybe you even need to know how to deal with coworkers you hate.
Let's get this out of the way right now.
This is not a one size fits all solution
because every workplace bully every mean girl, is different..
Before we jump into it,
let's
up the positive vibe style by tapping that like button. Thanks!
That feels a lot better. The first strategy is to stay calm.
Reacting to conflict when dealing with a difficult coworker,
is something that is never going to actually have a positive outcome.
Either it's going to make the situation escalate, or if it's a toxic coworker,
that might be exactly what they're trying to get out of you.
Either way, it's not going to be productive.
And it's going to cause unnecessary headaches, stress and drama at work. Take.
the time that you need in order to calmly respond,
especially when there is conflict with a difficult coworker.
This might mean that you don't respond to the Slack message right away.
You take some time replying to the email or if you're in a meeting,
ask for a moment to pause. Or if you are truly at a crosswords,
where they're being exceptionally difficult or unreasonable,
ask to take some followup time and some breather space,
and reconvene when you've both had time to think things through.
And when you have conflict with a difficult coworker,
it's actually creating a physical response for you.
Your amygdala in your brain is firing and it's fight, flight or freeze response.
And that generally isn't actually productive because let's face it,
most of the time it's not a sabertooth tiger kind of danger level
when you're actually dealing with them.
The unfortunate thing is when our amygdala is actually active,
and we are in fight flight or freeze mode,
that does mean that our logic centers are not fully operational.
That's why taking that time to calm down,
take a moment before you actually respond and really engage
in the situation that you make sure that you're doing so from a calm and
rational. Listen, we all have emotions at work.
To say that we don't have emotions at work would be a big fat lie. However,
what you don't want to do when you are having to
interact or having to work with a difficult colleague is be reacting
from an emotional place, which is not going to have a productive outcome. Also,
extraordinarily important on this point as well,
and you've heard me say this if you've been watching for a while,
no one should know your feelings about your difficult colleague.
Even if everyone else is talking about what a jerk they are,
that is not your business, not your commentary.
Nothing good is going to come a venting or complaining
about your difficult coworker behind their back. Stay calm,
keep the conflict private or at least as private as possible.
When you're in control and you're calm,
they are going to be able to operate from a more calm space as well.
I really consider this to be the foundational strategy,
because basically no matter who you're dealing with and what the situation is,
if you don't have this strategy in place, none of the other ones
are going to be as effective as they can be without it.
So if you only intentionally cultivate one or two,
make sure that this is one of them.
The second strategy is to assume good intentions. Listen,
you don't know this person's motivations.
You don't know their backstory.
And while it might be completely justifiable based on your track record
with them to assume the worst, let's actually give them the benefit of the doubt
and make the assumption that they're doing what they think is best for the team,
the company as well as the outcome.
When you assume that your difficult coworker is actually coming
from a positive and productive place,
it can actually shift their intention.
When you give someone a positive self image to live up to,
they're going to live up to it and trust me,
even if this person is the most miserable, unhappy, toxic coworker,
if they have an opportunity to be a good person,
they are going to take it.
And you shifting your mindset to have that assumption that
what they are intending is good is going to give them space
to be the good person that they are underneath it all.
The third strategy is to try to build rapport.
Is your difficult coworker going to become your best friends?
Absolutely not.
There is basically no path to this person being your work bestie,
although I'll admit it has happened,
but what you do need to have with anyone that you
interact with at work is a productive working relationship
and that usually includes having a positive working relationship.
Is it fair that the onus and the effort is being thrust on you to accommodate
them? No, but guess what? Unfortunately,
it is the way that the world works.
Do your best to find things that you have common ground on,
whether it's common ground on the problem or in general. For instance,
does that person share your love of running?
Is there any way that you can build rapport and a relationship
about your mutual shared love of running,
which is completely outside of work and beside the point
in order to foster better communication and a more positive relationship?
Because while you're difficult coworker
being a jerk is fully a them problem,
you not having a productive relationship with them might end up being a massive,
YOU problem in your career. I'm not telling you it's going to be easy.
I'm not going to tell you that you're going to love it,
but do your best to establish that rapport. And if you can do that,
that is one of the best ways to handle a difficult coworker.
fourth strategy is to consider all perspectives.
Sometimes even the most awesome people outside of work can be incredibly
difficult. Coworkers invest some time to invest into their perspective
and their motivation about why they're being difficult
or why they're being unpleasant to work with.
Do they have a lot of unnecessary stress or pressure from their boss?
Are they falling behind on their work,
and you're asking them to add to their ever-growing pile on their list?
Are they completely behind on their work,
and you're asking them to do just one more thing.
But you know the one more thing is never just one more thing.
Or maybe the difficulty is that something has gone wrong.
There has been an issue or a misalignment or
miscommunication that you really need to get past. In any event,
if someone is being difficult or has been difficult in the past,
what you need to focus on is the future.
That is what steps are you going to take? If there has been difficulty,
unreasonableness or someone not meeting their commitments
and making you look really bad, you need to focus on the necessary
next steps to keep on moving forward. You never know.
Perhaps there's a bigger issue that's completely unrelated
to you to work and maybe they're going through some
undue hardship or some undue stress.
Maybe they're just working on orders from their boss
and they've been told not to do anything else.
Or maybe they're just really deeply unhappy people,
and they're taking it out on the world. And if that's the case,
isn't that just really sad? Doesn't that make you feel bad,
and actually want to be a good influence in that person's life?
And if that's the case,
isn't that absolutely tragic that someone feels so much pain,
so much hurt, so much sadness,
that they're taking it out on the people around them?
And isn't this an incredible opportunity for you to be a little bit of light in
their day, which leads directly into the fifth strategy,
which is you get more bees with honey.
When you are dealing with a difficult coworker,
or trying to handle a toxic coworker,
it is very easy to meet them at their level.
I think that's actually the easiest thing to do in that situation. However,
when you try to feed a bee vinegar,
it's going to get kind of angry about it.
Maybe it's going to sting you.
In any event,
It's not actually going to be productive in any way to meet them where they are.
Why not put in the effort to raise them up,
and to just continue being the awesome and positive person that you are.
This is actually much easier when you focus on
cultivating a positive attitude at work.
I do have a video on that and if you are interested in checking it out,
I will link it up here and of course down below.
One of the things that I actually always recommend is to
actually pretend to be completely ignorant to the
fact that they are difficult coworkers,
pretend that all of their abrasiveness and jerk behaviors
or actually just super well-intended, which goes with a lot of strategy,
and act as though they are the best and most awesome people. Once again,
this is giving them the opportunity to step into
that positive label and be a better person for themselves.
Do you actually have to be ignorant about the fact
that there are toxic coworker or negative coworker? No,
but just because you know what they're doing,
doesn't mean that you actually have to buy into it.
And one of the ways that their story and their behavior is going
to be upheld is through your reaction.
See how all of these things really fit together,
and how these strategies are intertwined. With this,
you can also overemphasize the positive
and the productive things that they contribute to encourage them to repeat that
behavior. Yes. I am suggesting that you handle your difficult coworker
like Pavlov trained his dogs to salivate over dog food when a bell rang.
It sounds absurd but it works. Here's the thing,
positive reinforcement is way more effective
than negative reinforcement is. Singing their praises,
and big ignorant to the bad,
and focusing on the good is once again giving them an
opportunity to step into that nor positive and productive self label.
Let's call it like it is.
No one wants to be the office *** bag,
and the more that you can actually cultivate them to be a positive person,
and not being a difficult colleague, the better off you're all going to be.
The sixth strategy is to not avoid conflict.
And I'm not saying to run headfirst into any opportunity
to have a negative engagement with this person. Not at all.
You need to be incredibly wise and selective in terms of what battles you pick,
but let's face it, the workplace bully is being the workplace bully
because they're getting away with it.
If you suspect that your difficult coworker is being toxic or
displaying bullying behavior or being difficult just because they can get away
with it, call them out on it.
Doing this needs to be incredibly strategi,
and it needs to be executed in private and with precision.
Calling someone out in the middle of the office for their bad behavior.
is going to have negative and high drama results.
You do not want to be in that fight at all,
but doing something like calling them out on their bad behavior,
having necessary conflict in order to actually get to the next step,
and to address the grievances that are actually obstacles
in proceeding is going to be the most productive thing
that you can do in order to establish a more positive working relationship.
and it will be the best way to handle that difficult coworker.
And as some of them personally who's never really shied away from conflict.
I actually see it as an opportunity to fast track your way to the solution,
be it a work problem... Or an attitude problem.
The seventh strategy is to be respectful.
Whenever you're having to deal with a difficult coworker,
again it's very easy to get down into the mud with that pig.
Not actually trying to call them a pig, or be derogatory or gross or anything,
but it's actually, it's a saying that I've heard,
not that I can even remember it correctly.
The thing is is you want to make sure that no matter
what you are dealing with everyone in a way that is positive and respectful.
With respect being incredibly key.
There's a plethora of reasons why approaching this person.
and everyone that you work with, with respect is incredibly important.
Ultimately,
if you can't treat your difficult coworker with any level of respect,
you have now fallen into the trap of being unprofessional.
And if that difficult coworker is a toxic coworker,
who actually is intent on getting you in trouble and casting you in a bad light,
you're actually doing the work for them. Ultimately,
if someone wants to be difficult at work,
that is their choice and their prerogative.
You don't have control over them. Who you do have control over is you.
In 100% of circumstances.
And sometimes when we have to handle a difficult colleague,
or we're faced with conflict with a colleague at work,
this is actually an opportunity for us to really demonstrate who we are,
and what awesome professionals we are,
that we can actually navigate the conflict with dignity, grace, and respect.
It's times of conflict that your true character is going to show.
This is actually an opportunity for you to let it shine.
And if you're committed to dealing with this difficult coworker in the right
way, I want you to drop, 'I'm going to shine' below.
If you want more resources and support in terms of
how you can deal with a difficult coworker,
I definitely recommend that you join the strive squad.
It's my free online community for ambitious professionals
who are looking to elevate and accelerate their career.
If you're interested in checking it out,
the link is in the description down below. If you haven't already,
do click that subscribe button. Oh, and before I forget, if you haven't already,
if this was helpful, if you like these strategies, click the like button.
It really helps my channel and it tells the YouTube algorithm
that more people need these suggestions in order to deal with their difficult
coworkers. If you're looking for more tips on how you can actually
get along with your coworkers,
I definitely recommend that you check out this video on the screen right now.
Keep on being unapologetically ambitious. Keep investing in yourself.
And thank you so much for watching. I'll see you next time. Bye for now.
Maybe there's something going on in their personal life
that is really causing them a lot of stress, or maybe they're just *****.
I can't say that. Can I?