Morning lads.
Today, We're going to talk about the Golden age of piracy.That is
Piracy IN The Caribbean. Okay before we go any further
I'd like to clear up a few glaring misconceptions about piracy. First and most importantly, pirates spoke like normal people
I cannot stress this enough.
They were almost all British sailors before they were pirates so they had the same accent as every other Englishman in the 1700s.
Second, pirates did not have maps that led to buried Treasure.
Only three people in all of history were actually dumb enough to bury their treasure and was promptly stolen in each case. Third.
No, one ever made anyone walk a plank .
fourth pirates Generally had both of their eyes in good working order.
Some happens to wear eye patches so that they could have one eye adjusted to darkness when they went below decks of a ship
Because honestly, it's pretty dark down there
and if you were a pirate And you had lost an eye, you would die from an infection before you could even start to worry about picking out your designer eyepatch.
Lastly a boat and a ship are not the same thing. A ship can carry a boat.
But a boat cannot carry a ship.
Okay, now that you know that just about everything hollywood has taught you about pirates is a big fat lie,
Let's talk history. The precursor to the Golden age of piracy
was the war of [Spanish] succession which started after Spanish King died in
1700 and left a power vacuum in Spain with Ripples all throughout Europe. The European powers then played out the plot of Game Of Thrones
and although there were more parties involved than what I'm about to say, the main action involved the Brits in one half of Spain getting
Into a tiff with The French and the other half of Spain. This conflict spread from Europe to the new world. in the Caribbean British,
Spanish and French navy sailors were going around trying to kill each other as you happen to do in war, in addition to the Navy
There were a few upright chaps known as Privateers
Privateers ,as the name suggests, were private sailors who were paid by their respective crowns to kill people with different looking flags and take their
stuff for the good of king and country The War ended in
1714 with the treaties Utrecht and restat. Good thing that the were ended. not so good thing that the large amount of sailors
and privateers who spent their days pilfering and plundering were now out of a job.
Instead of heading back to Europe to get a boring low-paying job, most of the sailors and privateers stayed put in the Caribbean to have
an exciting High-paying job(#excitement).
These recently unemployed men of action happened to still have their ships, guns and swords and were particularly keen to part with them.
These "morally upright gentlemen" decided that it was a pretty good idea to keep doing their thing. So as military vessels were now nowhere to
be seen, they took to taking stuff for merchant ships and calling themselves pirates.
This may come as a surprise to you, but pirates had a nasty habit
of taking things [that] didn't belong to them. In an unfortunate twist of fate, a staggering amount of trade between Europe and the
New World happened to funnel through the Caribbean.
In 1715, a thirteen Ship Spanish treasure fleet happened to funnel itself to the bottom of the ocean after...
...Getting caught in a hurricane off the coast of Havana.
This was a particularly good week for pirates(Obama:*holding a beer cup*#notbad).
Now that all of the "hitherto" tragically unclaimed silver now had a loving home in the pockets of pirates. (Although did they even have pockets back then?)
They docked at Kingston and went to check out What was on sale:
The Designer Tri-Corner hat store. However the governor of Jamaica, who was not keen til the pirates bought all the sweet hats for themselves, told him to make
like a tree and get the hell out. Jamaica was met by a swarm of
Scathing yelp reviews the following week. The pirates, understandably bummed about the hats, set up shop on the mostly abandoned Island of Nasa.
they "inventively titled" their pirate republic: "the Republic Of Pirates". The big air quotes here
"Leaders" of the Republic were Benjamin Hornigold, who has made fun of in high school for his name, and Henry Jennings who wore tight pants That look like jeans
But weren't quite.
The two absolutely hated each other ,Although
Let's be real here. On the bright side, at least the two of them didn't go off and form a triumvirate,
although should I say "triumpirate"
*thinks his joke is funny*Eh
Eh? no?, okay.
So they were already out to a better start than cesar.
Hornigold's buddies were Thatch, who ran out of razors years ago, Steve Bonnet known as "The Gentleman Pirate" and Sam Bellamy ,who thought he
was Robin hood. Jenning's buddies were Calico Jack Rackham, who is essentially a dumber Jack Sparrow. Charles Baines
who had a rocky relationship
With Madonna. Mary Reed(s) whose name isn't James and[Anne [Bonnie who made you cry when she sang the parting glass .This jolly bunch was
known as The Flying Gang because they all...
sailed ships for a living...yeah
I don't know why they're called that either. The Flying Gang and as many as a thousand other pirates called
Nassau their home.
Blackbeard was elected magistrate of this happy little
Republic after winning a beard off with the other pirates. One important aspect of this happy little pirate republic was that they had a very
Nice code of conduct. you'd be surprised about how much these pirates really cared about fairness, honesty, and democracy and pink. In
Nassau or at sea, everything was put to a vote. Common topics of vote were: "Should we attack this innocent-looking ship?"
"What supplies do we need to steal?" and even "Does this tri-corner?
hat make me look fat?" See this is why they
really wanted those slim fit ones from Kingston. the voting on that first question these "Should we attack these poor sods?" one almost
Always ended up "Yes" and the understood pirate rule: "Please don't attack British ships...
...Please?" found itself tossed out the window.
The Flying Gang developed a habit of ganging up on British Frigates and Britain became
slightly alarmed when its frigates didn't come back from paid vacation. Those expenses add up man, okay?
The last straw was when after Blackbeard's crew somehow all got sick with syphilis,
Blackbeard and Co. attacked Charleston for the sole purpose of taking medicine.
It's worth noting that Blackbeard like to set his hair on fire and created a terrifying persona because he didn't like killing people.
OH, HOW ADORABLE!
Nice of Blackbeard to not want his crew to have syphilis and to not kill people, but not so nice of him to attack a
British-held city.
[The key] to put a stop to the rowdiness going on over at Nassua, the British appointed Woods Rogers as governor of the Bahamas to deliver
some freshly-baked whoopass to those meddling kids in the form of a naval blockade and a pardon. The terms of the pardon were "Turn
over all of your money and designer hats to the crown and
return to England or be hanged." All but one of the meddling kids in question responded less than amicably. The holdout was Ben Hornigold who
accepted the pardon and then took a job as pirate bounty hunter. This is where things start really
going downhill for our merry band of lovable thieves. The rest of the Flying Gang weren't especially pleased with the arrangement
considering the British brought enough ships with them to blockade a landmass the size of Australia, although, I may be exaggerating.
Fortunately or unfortunately
They weren't not pleased for long because Hornigold rounded up nine important pirates to be executed by the British.
Dick move Ben. See. This is why they always kill you off in the first Spider-Man movie. Despite this slight
MASSIVE setback. Charles Vane got the bright idea to set a ship of his on fire and blow up the blockade so he could
"casually" slip out. On his next turn
He rolled the 20 so this impossible plan of his worked
and he and a smattering of other important named characters escaped.Plot armor much? Well........
.........Not really for long.
Blackbeard, by this point, had enough so he sailed to Carolina to retire and I've seen enough cop movies to know this will go
To hell immediately. Some British ships pulled up to have one on Julius Caesar's famous "Quick Chats" with Blackbeard and he again
mysteriously ended up dead. Oh. Uh....
Also, all this is happening Steve Bonnet kind of dies off-screen. Sorry
I'll warn you from here on out that absolutely
everyone dies. first off, Turncoat
Hornigold died in a shipwreck because Peter Parker didn't rip The Hurricane while it was running into the elevator to escape with the stolen cash.
Yeah
I A.)don't feel particularly sad about that one and also B.) This metaphor kinda falling apart on me. Next up-
Charles Baines was wrecked on an Island .Well on that island, The British commander roll by to say that if you saw Charles vane on
that island in one month's time, It was straight to hanging for him. Baines's luck was bound to run out sooner or later.
He ended up rolling a one on the next turn and that same commander from earlier happened to be having dinner with another British Captain
on a different british ship that happened to be sailing past Baines's
cozy Island. Baines was then taken to a Jamaican prison and later hanged. Stupid freaking RnG
I swear to God! Mary Reed and Bonnie and Calico Jack had escaped, Nassau in the blockade explosion
Thanks to Charles Baines and enjoyed a career of piracy for a few more years until
one night when Jack and hisCcal Accompany (Heh LOL) of pirates got pissed drunk below decks on the same night a British ship came to
kick ass and chew bubblegum.
The British ship in question, which was tragically out of bubblegum that night, had no trouble with Rackham and his mates
although Bonny and Reid fought valiantly,
Though being the only two sober people on a ship full pirates more drunk than your Uncle Jack at his last year's family reunion.
They were quickly overwhelmed and captured. Rackham was promptly executed with
Bonnie and Reed were granted a temporary pardon on the basis that they are both pregnant.
I will let you fill in those blanks.
Mary Reed died of the fever after childbirth in prison and Anne Bonnie disappears from the history books
completely after her sentencing.
I should mention that Annie Bonnie was especially fond of close-up magic and the prevailing historical theory
suggests that she escaped after making a bet with a guard that she could make a deck of cards turn into a dove. Five minutes
of elaborate shuffling and several broken laws of physics later, the guard who is a man of his word let her go. True story.
While all of this is happening, this new guy Bartholomew Black Bart Roberts, who has weird eyes and a very out of place Foo
Manchu ,was off being the most profitable pirate of the era.
You don't know who he is because the last part of his nickname is Art and not Eared. It's amazing of what branding can do.
Mr. Roberts was supposedly stabbed several times by an angry Welshman off the coast of Africa, Although historians are dubious of the evidence.
By 1722, everyone who was important was dead.
Nassau had long been abandoned and piracy pretty much fizzled away leaving the Caribbean a safe and peaceful place.
Well, except for the kraken over there.
Someone has to deal with that and it is not going to be me!