[screaming] Five, four, three, two...
Hey there, people of Earth.
I'm Carly Shay and this is our very first webcast
of a little show we call iCarly.
[rock music playing]
[jazz music playing]
It's weird. I kind of feel like I'm talking to a celebrity.
That's weird, because I kind of feel like I'm gonna throw up.
- For real? - No, no, it's fine.
I meant throwing up in a good way.
Well, I figured, since I'm going to a new school,
it's a perfect time to, you know, reinvent myself.
- You like? - Like?
- You look fantastic! - [both] What?
Seek some tapenade.
[both] Ooh... Wee... Ooh...
Get away!
It's a fake pie.
Sam may be obnoxious and irresponsible,
but she doesn't lie.
Oh, you know I love you.
- Whoa! - Whoa, OK!
That woke us up!
[both] One, two...
Do it!
I didn't really get straight A's.
- Huh? - Mr. Devlin gave me a B+,
then Sam changed my grade in the school's computer.
Freddie and I tried to change it back
but then we got caught, that's why the CSA came here.
I lied to Principal Franklin, I made Karen Yamakawa cry
and my hair's falling out. Look it!
Hey, Carly, remember at lunch when you asked me
- to put ketchup on your fries? - Mm-hm?
It was really chicken blood.
- I can't leave you alone. - Yeah, you can. Sure you can.
Why can't you? She's gonna stay here?
- Kiss me. - What?
Sam doesn't have to know.
Ow!
Come, chickie. Come on, chickie-chickie.
Come here, come on.
[chirping] Ow!
What happened?
He pecked my finger!
Ow! You're not the rope keeper!
Ow!
I hate these stupid tech foots.
Who slammed that locker?
- Me? - Detention.
- Really? - Tonight!
- Yay! - Yay?
Darn...
Wow, this store is so convenient.
Go.
[gargling]
Gimme it!
How long before that nub dresses me up like a dinosaur
and starts calling me Carbo?
[high-pitched] Hello, Freddie, nice to see you.
Wow, my voice sounds so weird.
[making silly noises]
I am not the sass master!
And it's wrong for you to be mean to Freddie
just 'cause your boyfriend broke up with you.
[sighs] I win.
You have a problem! You're addicted to Pak-Rat!
I am not!
- Ah! - Admit it!
No, I am not addicted to Pak-Rat!
Would you stop squirting--
- OK, I'm addicted to Pak-Rat! - I know!
So, does it taste like piña colada?
You want to find out?
Yes.
Where is my wart?
[screams]
- What? - It's on your shoe!
[screaming]
[helicopter blades whirring]
Can someone hand me the pink bucket?
I want to stick my whole face in a Galini pie
and go "Brlrlrlrlrl."
Why couldn't you have just gotten a regular tree?
One that didn't set all the presents on fire!
I wish you'd been born normal!
- Come on! Hurry up! - It burns!
Hundred and ten percent!
You set this whole thing up.
That Jeffrey guy or whatever his real name is,
you sent him to us, didn't you?
Oh, I don't know.
I send a lot of guys a lot of places.
You evil, evil little elf.
Freddy's awesome with the camera,
so how about you let us help you make a music video?
And we can premiere it right here on iCarly!
[lips flapping]
You give me that back right now!
No, I've got it!
You gave it to me as a present!
Let me cover that MMA fight!
Bye, Nevel.
Wee!
Sam, you're smart and creative and fun and awesome
and you're the only person I know
who can eat an entire ham in less than 15 minutes.
To Sam.
[whimpering]
[screams]
And I don't kiss like... [making mouth noises]
I kiss like a princess!
What are you doing?
Having a piece of Persian chocolate?
But you said it was a stomach bomb.
But it's so good...
Just promise you'll never steal ideas from iCarly again
and you can have your leader's head back.
- Carls. - OK, this is for you, Chad.
[drum roll]
The biggest news is they've created a new number.
- A new number? - Yep.
Between five and six. It's called "derf".
I don't think we've seen this technique before.
- Let go of my leg! - Never!
Hey, calm down.
Never tell a girl to calm down!
Guys always tell girls to calm down and it never works.
It just gets us all whipped up. You see me all whipped up now?
It's because you told me to calm down!
No! What are you, what are you...
No...
You're so weird!
You... wanna go with me, possibly?
Oh...
Did I just spit in your eye?
Um, it's... unusual.
[shouting]
What kind of burglar breaks into people's apartments
just to steal TV remotes?
A remote control freak?
- Stuart and Olly! - What?
They're here, they're coming in!
[screaming]
[panting]
You're not mad at me, are you?
Why? Just 'cause you threw a hissy fit
and forced me to enter a beauty pageant and made me
go through nine hours of pageant training for nothing?
[strumming]
- Hey. - Howdy.
You play the ukulele?
Yeah, a little.
[screaming]
Bwew, bwew, bwew, bwew, bwew!
- Don't, don't touch my mouse. - No, I'm touching--
- Don't touch it, you're dirty! - I'm not a dirty person!
OK, fine, do it.
Now hurry, take your jacket and glasses off.
But I look so sophisticated.
This is iCarly, we don't do sophisticated.
- So was it a hoax? - No!
- Or was it Bigfoot? - Yes!
Discussion over.
[screaming]
Release me!
I bet most of us don't even know each other's first names.
Isn't that sad?
[hairdryer noise]
No way!
I can't handle being trapped in small spaces like this.
[grunting]
Gibby is a real person, and this is a good prank.
You'll see.
He's opening his locker.
[laughs]
Look at his face. Look at his face.
You don't get back to work right now you're...
you're fired.
No, I'm not.
Get back here!
I'm not playing around!
Bree, Bree, Bree...
OK, go!
I know most of you were expecting a wedding.
We all were.
Thank you, lady who hurt my foot.
Creddies are just like iCarly super fans
who want me and Freddie to get together.
You know, Carly plus Freddie. Creddie.
You gotta be more patient with these people,
- you can't just cut 'em off-- - OK!
Irony.
All right, that contoods another episode of iCarly.
And for now, we'll pretend that "contoods" is a word.
On fire!
What do we do?! What do we do?!
[screaming]
I was once Carly,
but now I'm the hideous Patty Schwab.
- Sam loves Freddie! - Wait!
Sam loves Freddie!
Sam loves Freddie! Sam loves Freddie!
[muffled shouting]
And how can you sit there and listen to that whiny nub go,
"Myehh! You're using too much Parmesan!"
"Myehh!
Don't chew with your mouth open!
Myehh!"
I'm Carly.
[music slowly stops]
My turn?
And this has been iCarly.
Well, don't feel bad, just...
I don't know, be friends or something.
But stop pretending you can be boyfriend and girlfriend
when you both know it's just weird and wrong.
Well, you have nice eyes.
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul.
Well, I don't have a boyfriend,
so why don't you open up a window?
[upbeat music playing]
Christopher Cane's salsa rocks my mouth.
Will you stop spinning my brother?!
- No! - Why?
I sang you happy birthday like you wanted!
You were pitchy!
Well...
I'm back.
- Later. - Bye, Carls.
Dad, I love you so much.
[screams]
He called me snug bug! That's me!
That's what he calls me!
Eh...
Ah...
No...
No!
We have to be out of this apartment by tonight.
And we can never ever come back here.
[sobbing]
I'm so sad.
What a terrible way to spend April Fool's Day.
Harry, you drank from my water bottle?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
I give Harry Styles jungle worms.
Ah!
Two lemonades.
Interesting.
That's red pepper lemonade.
[low-pitched] Yeah, Freddie found 'em.
Well, where are they?
I don't know. I was talking to Freddie on the phone
and I said, "Where are you?" But he didn't answer...
My voice!
My voice is coming back!
OK, mister.
I think you better just get back on the booty bus
and go home.
After we kiss?
Oh, I think not! Fresh!
Thank you, alphabet song.
For tricking generations of children
into thinking that there's one big giant letter
called "LMNO".
Anyone can make an awesome smoothie at home,
so it really doesn't matter if a very mean person
unfairly bans you from your favorite smoothie place
just 'cause he's mad, and what made him mad
was totally his fault in the first place!
- Happy birthday. - Thanks, kid.
And happy birthday, Old Man Belly Button.
Eh? Woo!
Yeah!
Me and Dana are already tight.
Yeah.
Sisters from different misters! What?
What did you draw?
That's a bear.
Bears don't have flippers.
Those aren't flippers.
You don't know anything.
You gave us the wrong serial number.
And made us spend 11 hours
watching an innocent, boring old lady.
Boring?
I meant boring in a good way.
Doing iCarly for you guys has meant so, so much to me,
and it's changed my life.
It's kept me out of prison.
Most of the time.
Show's been a lot of fun.
[laughing]
And, um...
I want to say to the fans of iCarly...
Thank you.