- So just a few days ago, the world found out
that the rapper, DMX, Earl Simmons, had died
and like you, I also was a big fan of his music.
I, I still remember first time I heard "Party Up"
back in the year 2000.
I was in the East village in New York City
with a buddy of mine
and he placed me
directly in the centre of his speaker system
and he just cranked that sucker
and it was absolutely amazing
and I kind of spent those couple years
really getting in tune with the vibration of DMX
and it was important to me, I was the same age as DMX.
We would have both been 50 this year, both are 50 this year
and, and we also, at that time were, were both drug addicts
and had a lot of rage and anger inside of us
and I could never express my rage and anger
the way that DMX did and I'm so grateful that he could,
because as a young man,
I really needed to know that I wasn't alone in that anger
and to know that it could be expressed
and I could say those lyrics
and I could feel those beats in that music
really pushing me through that, that human pain,
that's, that's universal to all of us
and, and I was surprised the past couple of days
of how much this, this death affected me.
I mean, normally deaths,
they just don't affect me that much.
I kind of roll with them and roll forward,
but I keep coming back to DMX
and I think it was because, you know,
he couldn't find a way out from this addiction to drugs
and I was fortunate to find a way out
and about 20 years ago, I moved to the UK
and I finally walked away from my, my life as an addict
and that's what happened to me in New York city
and I've told this story before.
I tell it in depth in a movie I made a few years ago,
called "Iron Mind" where I, I became a heroin addict
when I was in New York city.
I used to snort that garbage
and that was my way of escaping from my anger,
my disappointment with myself,
my frustration with the world and myself.
That was a way of me being disconnected
and not being present in those, those two painful emotions
that I just couldn't deal with
and I was, I was fortunate to find a way out.
I still don't know how or why I found a way out, but I did.
I came to London, my home now,
I took up martial arts,
which I think had a lot to do with it
and I found a way to channel that anger and rage
in a way wasn't destroying myself,
in some ways, it made myself better
through this art of physical practise
and also tried to analyse why, why was I so angry?
Why was my behaviour not congruent
with my happiness and my purpose in my life?
And, and unfortunately, DMX didn't find that
and he struggled with drugs and addiction
right up until this year when he died
and I don't know the exact circumstances of his death,
but I think everyone knew he was still a drug user
and I know what that's like
and I could see and feel the pain in him.
We could feel the pain inside DMX,
that's what made him so great,
that's what made him so, so wonderful, so creative,
because he was able to channel that anger,
and disappointment and rage, that we all feel.
It's, it's, it's hard to be human.
The human experience is designed to be a challenge,
you know?
It really is.
It's designed to be
one of the most difficult challenge, challenges on earth
and, and DMX couldn't find a way through that challenge,
but at the same time,
he was away to,
he was able to articulate that challenge
in an incredible way, if you listen to him
and I watched a couple of interviews with him recently.
He did one with Dr. Phil that I posted on my social media,
you should watch it and he said,
"I did a, a prayer to God in every album."
And most people are like,
"Wow, I thought your albums were about anger and hate."
But he would have a prayer, he would have a word to God
and he would always have a prayer on stage
at his live events
and he would say, "God, thank you for loving me."
I dunno.
He would say, "Thank you for loving me.
I don't know why you love me."
Such a universal feeling,
such a way I used to feel about my life and um,
and again that DMX said it
in an incredible way of articulating that
and to be so vulnerable and raw like that
as such a superstar on the stage,
it's such a powerful thing to do
and you have to respect a man who can do that.
You have to respect a man who can, who can be all that
and I think that's why his death
has caused so much reflection and sorrow around the world,
because either through watching his actions,
or through listening to his music,
we knew that there was something real here.
There was something real,
something true that that man was channelling
and truth is a rare commodity these days
and something real is
something we all can feel when it's real
and, and DMX did that and, you know,
I, I'm not saying we should salute everything he did.
A lot of things he did
were something that not to be ciliated,
a lot of things most of us do are,
but very few people
can actually express that truth and that realness
in a way that we can all relate to
and so yeah, I thought I would just make this video
and say that, you know, it's, it was important,
sometimes for me to realise what I'm kind of going through
and maybe you're going through this or,
or with a death of someone else,
or maybe a realisation with someone else
and it's okay, you know, to feel that way.
It's always even better to know why you feel that way
and also to learn from this
and I see what happened to DMX
and part of me feels like, wow,
I wish I could have helped him overcome those addictions
and channel that in some positive way
and I feel like I could, but I don't know,
maybe that wasn't possible, you know?
Maybe some people were, are gonna find that chance
and some people never will find that chance
and I'm sure it's not any easier when you're a celebrity
and everybody wants to give you a way out,
or is going to want to love you for something you did before
and always cut you a break.
You know, when I went through my struggles of addiction
in 2001 in New York City, everybody left me,
all my friends and all my, all my,
everybody just walked away from me
because I had ruined my life
and it was a great signal to me to get my act together
and, you know, that was such a benefit
and I don't know if someone like that,
in that celebrity place is ever really,
can hit that rock bottom
'cause there's always someone out there
that wants an autograph,
or a wants them to, you know, do a deal or something
and so I, I don't know the details of what happened to DMX,
but I just want to say, you know, wherever you are, sir,
we appreciate you, we appreciate you for your honesty,
we appreciate you for channelling something
that will live on forever,
you know, truth and human realness
is something that, that it's never going to go out of date
and so I appreciate that for you
and I just want to say to anyone else out there
who's struggling with life,
you know, life is a challenge
and all I can say to you is that
I learned it when I was present
and tried to be present with those challenging emotions
and I still go through them
and to not try to mask them with substance abuse,
or anything to get your mind off that,
alcohol, drugs, shopping, sex,
whatever it is to get you out of the present moment,
to just try to be with that pain and feel what that pain
and ask yourself, why am I feeling this
and am I continuing the cycle of that pain?
Am I, am I, am I losing my happiness,
so I'm trying to find happiness where I lost my happiness?
These are questions
and it took me many, many years to change my behaviour
and I'm supposed to be a smart guy,
but this is something that affects all of us as humans.
It doesn't matter how smart you are,
how rich you are, how gifted you are,
what country you're in, we all struggle from these issues.
So I just want to send peace out to anybody who's,
who's having a hard time with this right now,
who, who is in that similar mindset that, that Earl was in
where he just couldn't find a way out
and couldn't find a way to get through
some of that anger and rage
and feeling of maybe inadequacy,
that there is a way through, there always is a way through
and it's somewhere deep inside you
and it comes when you start changing patterns of behaviour,
and actions, and, and maybe trying to do something
ultimately that's of service.
That's what allowed me to find my way out
and, and those are my thoughts,
so again, if you want to know more
about my whole story with addiction,
I made a whole movie about it.
I won't go into the details now,
but it's something I'm also so very, very grateful for
that that happened to me.
It really is something that I,
I'm so proud of that I overcame.
I have so many lessons from it today.
I will never go back to those depths
because I've learned such a strong lesson
and I think it's brought me to where I am today
and every thing that you think is a failure in your life,
if it does not kill you, as Niche once said,
it will make you stronger
if you can learn from that failure
and so I've had some very low lows,
but they've all brought me to incredible highs
and I'm sure I'll have more
and I'm sure I'll learn more
and thus, this is the human experience
and if we can share it with each other,
then it makes it a little bit easier
being human on this planet.
So as I said, rest in peace DMX.
Thank you.
In many ways, those lyrics helped save me as a young man
by knowing that I wasn't alone in those feelings,
that I could channel those feelings
in a lyric and a vibe and a song.
It makes a big difference
and I appreciate all the people out there that create art
that allows us to know we're not alone in this,
in this, what can be very painful human experience
and also a very beautiful human experience
and so that's it.
I hope this has helped you in some way
and, and I hope, I hope you can find peace in this life.
I think that's why we're here
and I think we're here to help each other find that peace
and Mr. Earl Simmons,
I'll see you on the other side, brother, peace.