• From DVD rewinders to uranium you can actually buy for under $50, we count 15 ridiculous
products sold on the internet right now 15 - Personal Tank,
• For just $20,000 you can get your hands on a five-man bullet-resistant armoured tank
to ride around your neighbourhood • Weighing in at half a ton which makes
for a daunting delivery at your local post office - it can only achieve a natural speed
of 40 miles an hour with an engine likened to an electric bicycle
• Affectionately titled the Badonkadonk, this tank doesn't come with treads, a cannon
or armour of any description - sadly, it suffers from a 100% mortality rate
14 - Foot Tanner, • It always sucks when you go to the beach,
and everyone's walking around with glorious tanned feet and your own feet are a hideous
pale mess • The solution is here though - just dump
your feet in this glow box and watch the skin cancer grow right before your eyes
• That way, when you arrive at the coroner's office, they'll take a step back to admire
the exquisitely bronzed feet on your gnarled corpse
13 - Passenger Seat Office, • You know what sucks?
Walking all the way from your car into the office on Monday - oh, but wait, why leave
your car at all when you can instead bring the office to you?
• Never mind the spouses and infants, replace their passenger seat with a desk, a printer
table and a place to put 4 million pens • And the best part is, you're legally not
allowed to use any of this equipment while driving - so the target market is: people
who don't have homes, an office, but can still afford a car and a product that exceeds $180
12 - Motorised Golf Club Cleaner, • You're playing golf, you've just completed
an 18 course session when you realise your club is covered in nasty dirt
• For only $25, you can get a whirring device that takes off the dirt in no time - because
as we all know, getting dirt off small objects is a massive undertaking which required robotic
precision • Or you could just use a damn rag and scrape
off the dirt like every other person 11 - Hidden Bladder Flask,
• It always looks suss when someone pulls out a flask of booze at inappropriate times
- but what does look right is when someone holds a cup to their crotch, fills it and
then guzzles it all down • The hidden flask is great for boring social
events, but also for the inevitable drug test when they ask you to pee in a cup
• Instead you fill the cup with beer from your flask - they won't arrest you because
they'll be too busy trying to figure out why you're urinating pure grain alcohol
10 - Bluetooth Paper Airplane, • The joy of constructing your own paper
plane has always come from the simplicity, the elegant design and room for improvement
- but the future is here and the concept of fun has been augmented and improved
• You can control this paper monstrosity with a bluetooth app, allowing you to forget
a plane is flying and instead focus on min-maxing air velocity based on projected data and current
resistance • The graceful flight of a paper plane has
been replaced with the fan-enhanced buzz of the technological revolution
9 - DVD Rewinder, • You know when you're taking a DVD back
to the video store and they chew you out because you forgot to rewind it?
Me either • But if you're missing a brain stem then
you might look into investing in portable DVD rewinder, that'll reverse all your digital
media without scratching the disc into non-existence • You can even plug in an MP3 player into
the usb port and rewind all your songs - and best of all, you can plug your USB rock into
the DVD rewinder and watch the universe collapse on itself
8 - UFO Detector, • A device that attempts to detect magnetic
and electromagnetic anomalies typically associated with flying saucers
• When it detects one, it'll start whirring and buzzing - of course, the reality is you've
bought a device that will simply never do anything
• The disclaimer advises you, "For best results, hold directly under saucer", but
most customer reviews on Amazon protest that by the time they can do this, they're getting
anally probed by aliens from a whole fleet of ships
7 - Remote Controlled Flying Fuck, • Have you ever heard a story so boring
that you've wanted to project a 3 dimensional flying model of how much you don't care?
• This RC helicopter is infra-red remote controlled with the power to fly for just
under 7 entire minutes before the battery drains and it crashes to the ground
• The bulky video-game like controller requires 6xAA batteries, almost equivalent to about
a minute worth of flight - just so you can look like a massive douchebag in front of
your friends 6 - Banana Guard,
• Have you ever been so paranoid that your banana won't survive a trip in your backpack
that you've seriously considered buying it some armour?
• Well here's the banana guard: as the tagline says, it fits over 90% of commercial bananas
- the other 10% can go flying fuck themselves • Oh but wait - we also have an entire range
of armour for fruits of all sizes - kiwis, plums, apricots, apples, pears, peaches - even
grapes • Why aren't you protecting your single
grapes?
5 - Poop Gold Pieces, • A lot of us take supplements and pills
to manage our health - and the rich among us swallow gold pills so that our crap can
shine like a smelly quartz rock filled with gold flakes
• And the best part is: each tiny pill costs $425 - $425 so you can literally flush your
money down the toilet • But if you're going to open your rectum
for some sweet biological relief, you might aswell do it in style
4 - Deer Rear, • We've all been out hunting, but a lot
of the times you just haven't gotten lucky shooting deers - but now you don't even need
to • Fool your friends and family by making
them believe you cut up and stuffed a deer ass and then mounted it on your wall
• It's also great for those lonely nights when your wife is gone and you don't have
any other options 3 - Uranium Ore,
• That's right - you can buy a tin of uranium from Amazon, and it's radioactive
• Despite their hope that it would be used for educational and scientific purposes only,
they're not afraid to write in the products description that it's "useful for performing
NUCLEAR EXPERIMENTS" • We're just one tiny step away from being
able to buy our own private nuclear bombs only used for deterrence purposes - surely
2 - Human Fetus Soap, • It's totally not creepy to wash yourself
with an unborn child • And this thing is made from goat's milk
• Yep 1 - Nothing
• Next time your kid asks you what you got them for Christmas, you can hitch up your
pants, tilt your head back slightly and gently whisper the word, "Nothing"
• Thankfully, Nothing comes in various forms - you can get them a stand of Nothing or a
bag of Nothing - or both, double or Nothing • The tagline for this product is simply
"Nothing will make you happy"