hey what's going on YouTube this is your certified life and relationship coach coach Court and in
today's video I'm going to give you three reasons why the dismissive avoidant deactivates thank you
for sticking around if this is your first time viewing me do me a favor and click that subscribe
button and ring the little bell so you're notified for the newest content also if you are interested
in my email coaching please send me a email on my website www.fruitfulseedz.com and keep all of your
emails to two to three paragraphs max 500 words as I have a lot of emails that I'm going through
and I will respond to those emails via video or I'll send you a direct response this video
was inspired by a couple of my clients in the past and also a few of my commenters down in my comment
section they have been engaging about this topic in particular because they don't understand why
a dismissive avoidant all of a sudden becomes dismissive avoidant because in the beginning of
the relationship they can very much look like a secure attacher or even an anxious attacher
in the beginning when they're learning you and they're figuring you out and things are
really intense and things are running hot heavy they can come off as somebody that's anxious at
times almost like fearful you know that's why fearful avoidants are the way they are they
get really hot and they get really cold when an avoidant starts to show their strongest signs it's
usually because something happens that triggers that and I've got three reasons why they start
to show their avoidant side and the first one is they feel like they're losing their freedom when
a person becomes so attached to them so clingy and so needy then they start to get turned off
and they'll start to shut down on that person so those are the people who may be with somebody and
it's a comfortable level of intimacy but when a person starts to get really close they start to
talk about you know proposals they start talking about moving in together Covid has even being one
of those things that have started to make people feel like they're avoidant in particular feel like
they're losing their style but we'll get to the Covid later when they feel like they're losing
their freedom and like they're becoming engulfed in their partner where they have all of the same
friends they're at all the gatherings together and they feel like they can't be who they are as an
individual that'll make them start to deactivate the second one is traumatic events now many times
the anxious attacher takes things personally I can almost say you know 90% of the times
the anxious takes things personally so when they see that they're avoidant partner is starting to
deactivate and starts to go cold and gets distant on them they start to take that personal but a
dismissive or a fearful avoidant can become that way because certain things happen in their life it
can be stress from work stress from kids Covid like I talked about earlier if they experience
job loss and they're just really feeling some things and ruminating on things internally you
have to understand that this is just their way of trying to regather themselves recenter themselves
and get themself to a state of mental clarity and happiness when a few of my clients reached
out to me during quarantine they were wondering what happened I even had one guy in the comment
section say they were contemplating marriage and were going through marriage counseling and all
of a sudden she backed out on him and said this relationship isn't something that I'm concerning
myself with right now and he's confused so you have to understand that the reason why they do
is because they're trying to it's unhealthy I agree with you it is an unhealthy way of dealing
with things because of security we'll let that person know what's going on inside themself and
would be able to communicate that with them but during quarantine this has been something that's
been really tough on them because they have been if you're with your spouse as an avoidant you're
probably isolated with them you're feeling like you can't get any freedom it's starting to loosen
up a little bit more and here in old Wisco it's raining if you're hearing is rain in the
background I apologize but the weather is really bad up here so please excuse that but the third
reason that an avoidant would deactivate from you is because of flaws they may have found something
in you that they consider to be a deal-breaker or a flaw but that is something that avoidants need
to understand about themselves they will always be hyper vigilant about a person's flaw they will
always be actively seeking something within that person that is a red flag to them because intimacy
and getting too close to people in the first place is already too much for them too overbearing so
they will come up with the excuses to dart on somebody an avoidant will deactivate on you and
become cold and distant for the person with the avoidant personality I'm talking to you right now
you have to understand that there is no such thing as the perfect person or the one or a soulmate we
can have several different soulmates throughout our lives so please try not to write off people
who are really good people who are there for you and really trying to create that bond and that
closeness that intimacy that you subconsciously really want but you can't bring yourself to
be vulnerable enough to let it happen so if you found this video of any value please like comment
and share if you want my help personally reach out to me on my website www.fruitfulseedz.com
thank you guys for tuning in and I will talk to you guys soon.