[Music]
hello everyone welcome to bukhara
welcome to the first TEDx event in
hookah it sprayed here and it happens
that I'm the oldest one of all speakers
who will be speaking here and 42 years
old and I think the analytics team
decided to put me first here just let
others be less anxious thinking that
you've said old guy talks so badly is
something for us not to be perfectly yes
I'll not be perfect today but I think
the message which I want to share with
you are very important and it is much
more important than okay I would like to
start with something we share oh and the
first thing is
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who is it that we all love our city
[Music]
would you agree that we all love our
Talebi yes if so it is natural to assume
that we all love our planet okay but
wait is it the same city we all love
is it the same country we all wha is it
the same planet we think Villa and pass
by the garbage we see on the streets
just like with an environment we live in
we too often make radish can of our
souls we put lots of resentment angel
hey jealousness green and feel into our
souls
it is much like my patient will know
that who was sent to my office after two
years of trying to get pregnant after
your marriage and gynecologist I know it
doctor said that her body is healthy and
something is wrong with your hair and
she needs to see psychotherapist so she
came and during our clinical introducer
he soon became quite obvious that good
knot was raised in an environment where
violence against women wasn't known from
the fossil from the grandfather and
brothers
and despite as another topic despite of
her husband being very crying and loving
person
she kept emotional business between her
and him
and if we think about this rubbish in
our so if we think about producing so
much rubbish and limiting our planet is
there any solution for this have you
heard that the sweden has run out its
own garbage and now import garbage from
other countries so sweden paid to other
countries - there was a two-span garbage
to their country in order to produce
cheap and clean energy for the economy
and life
looking to the Swedish example it is
normal to assume that is a similar
approach could be used for human beings
human soul
it seems to be obvious and common sense
but as what they said
common sense is not so common let
explain see Sir with a simple question
they will buy MIT professor Shane
Frederick and the real question to you
organize please have a look and the
question is bad a baseball bat Vita and
Oh cost one dollar and ten cents
together if the bat costs one dollar
more than the ball how much does the
ball cost first answer a who is for a
will raise your hand because of the
light I do not see ok who is a possible
man who is for see
just one person and who is 42 people so
25 maybe 40% for for a 40% were for B
and around 10% for C and D and let's
have a look to the correct answer B goes
out see those other and goes out it
means that 60% also very bright people
well wrong so common sense is not so
good what
the answer is five cents because the
back cost one dollar
and five cents then afterwards you
calculated and make sure that the not
wrong and change readily put Suzie's
please thousands people students from
universities of I believe including
Harvard Princeton and MIT and more than
fifty percent of them said of a wrong
answers so please don't pay too personal
even at Harvard and Princeton more than
50% students gave wrong answers it's
something but we need to understand how
we are intelligent but make such
mistakes there is one genius women
sometimes in the u.s. sometimes in
Israel he's Daniel Kahneman and levon
nobel prize in economy in 2002 for some
of his fundamental work on behavioral
economy and he excludes this issue and
under some research that people have two
systems of singing the first one is a
fast and irrational and the second is
slow meaning the fast and rational it
means that people tell all of us in most
of the cases and to give answers we
first we come to our mind and it is how
we are building our brain is lazy and it
tries to
figure out the easiest and quickest
answer to any problem to any question
and in 50% of the cases even more that
is wrong answer so and it is also
irrational so this second system is slow
which means that it is a safe brain but
it is time to consider what is happening
what do they mean what does it mean to
me why this is happening so it takes
time and very soft form in reaction and
this is Daniel Kahneman book Thinking
Fast and Slow I recommend everyone to
read it well if you are not already
already so and professor Kahneman says
that the opposable answer comes to mind
immediately our idea it requires hard
work the insistent idea that is it is
true it is true I'm correct makes it
difficult to check the logic and most
people do not take the trouble to sing
solve the problem it is up
it is blossom
but
all these concepts are quite difficult
to explain to my patients so that's why
I use metaphor to explain this
relatively difficult concept and my
favorite metaphor is about two votes
maybe you had a wonderful time a
five-year-old boy comes to his birth
father and asks I dreamed her gremlin
and I saw a man with two walls inside
him white and black is it true that
everyone has two holes inside and this
man father was very thoughtful very
experienced and he took some time to
think about his answer and calmly
replied yes dear there are two balls
inside us the black bow is a symbol of
evil and his food is resentment regret
impulsivity green self-pity killed angel
and eagle and the white boat enjoys
having loved being in peace Pabu loves
empathy generosity truth compassion and
faith
and grant I'm listening to this answer
made a second question who is in this
fight and that answer the one whom you
feed most interestingly in maybe 80% of
cases which I see with my patients when
I ask this question who you think will
be in 80% of the cases people say why
because they won't why do we but it is
not true it is who will feel will win
and in most cases in many cases too much
do we feed our platform we say that I
can't I can't do this I can forgive him
I can't forget I can go through it
I can't do something important and all
these thoughts
Fiza the evil the black hole in us the
irrational part of our mind
in order to read of this black box and
to control it we need to learn we need
to understand several fundamental things
and the first is love what does it mean
and according to normal
German psychoanalyst and it from love is
an active concern or care for Allah for
life and the growth of the object will
love if the object of our love us myself
why I'm a a garbage can of my heart if I
love myself why I put so many junk food
in my stomach if I allow myself why I
want to end my life because someone hurt
me
next thing we need to understand this
forgiveness and forgiveness is decision
purposeful decision to free oneself from
coasts harm it is not because someone
who hurt me asked apologised for his
wrongdoing or he or she deserved the
apology it is because I love myself
satisfied I fought it as possibility
stays with him but I'm free of that's
why I forgive because I just love myself
and I actively care for my life and I
actively care for my groups and we
forgive someone because we are thankful
for that experience may be very painful
experience we have gone through because
we see now differently about this what
happened to us maybe tens maybe twenty
years ago in my childhood i regulate
myself I look from another point to my
experience like my patient velocity she
understood that because of the fear and
hopefulness she had inherited from her
mother she didn't want to live the same
life as her mother did
but in desparate life
and she didn't leave that life she
didn't want to feel that pain which
his/her mother felt but instead of
letting letting it go she has chosen
different pain for herself she started
suffering from love life without your
own kids and she profited her body to
get pregnant and when she understood
this since she said inside her inside
with me and said doctor I actually
advanced through this just because
someone needs to stand up and stop this
violence in my family and I think it
should be me
it was the inside and this her
experience very painful painful
experience process so her second system
of sync
gave her brain it gave him wisdom gave
her love to talk to her father and
brothers without blaming and eventually
get some stone beating their women and
being respectful to say wives and
daughters
and now two days ago good mother sent me
a picture of her kids now she has two
kids the older daughter as is a Begum
and her younger brother
durapan she transformed her family she
became much more close of his husband
and becoming a mother of these sweetest
kids became a natural outcome of his
transformation my message to you my
friends is that if the circumstances of
some event in your life didn't give you
some positive message enabling message
empowering message then you probably
didn't make the right of allusions yet
and my wish to you all my friends to be
green like Sweden to be happy like good
Naza and to be amazing
like Mahara thank you
[Applause]