- (dude) Why are we celebrating Christmas in November?
- (Ian) SHUT UP!!!
- (Anthony) How long are we gonna be here?
- All right, guys! Listen up!
I just saw that Krampus movie and it's scary as sh*t!
It's like some kind of demon version of Santa
and it's there to f*ck up your holiday.
But it got me thinking:
we need to make all of our Christmas movies f*cked up like that,
or we are effed!
- Um, can we include all holidays and not just Christmas
'cause some of us celebrate other things like Kwanzaa.
Right, Bobby? - What the f*ck is a Kwanzaa?
- Anyway, we are snowed in right now.
- (random dude) I'm being frozen alive!!!
- And if you guys don't come up with any good ideas,
I'm gonna bust open the window and snow us into death!
- (random guy) My dick is an icicle!
- YOU! The blond lady!
I'm so sorry, I forgot what your name was.
Do you have any ideas?!
- Um...
Oh, we can make a messed-up remake of that one movie
where the kid's trapped-- Home Alone?
I forget what it's called.
- I'm listening.
- All right, come and get meee!
- Hey, kid, we're gonna--
(bang!) (crook groans)
(goofy chuckle)
- Harry, what are you doing on the ground?
(groans)
- My pigeons are-- OH!
- What's going on here?
OHH!
(dull whump)
- Look what you did, you little jerk.
(loud thump) (groans and gurgles)
- BORING! I'm gonna bust that window.
- Wait, um... we get some heart when the mom comes home.
- Well, I do love moms coming home.
- Kevin!
- You're not mad at me, are you, Mom?
- No, Kevin, of course I'm not mad at--
OH!
- I made my family disappear.
(maniacal chuckle)
- Do you like it?
- Do you like popsicles? - Yeah, why?
- Because you're gonna become a human popsicle
when I break that window open! - Wait! Wait!
What if we took the children's classic, Frosty the Snowman,
and added in a little of Channing Tatum.
- Go on.
- Hey, let's put this hat on his head and make him come alive.
(warbling) (dance music)
(both scream)
- Well, that was... really f*cking weird.
Uh, why are we trying to sexualize snowmen?
- Well, I've seen some sexy snowmen in my life.
- Well, we're all gonna die now.
- Wait, wait, wait!
You like A Christmas Carol, right?
- Of course I do. It's a goddamn classic.
- Right, well, that's what it was lacking: random violence.
(sigh of relief)
- You! You delighful little chap, what day is it?
- Why, it is Christmas Day, it is, sir!
- Why don't you run to the market
and fetch me the biggest Christmas hen you can carry?
(whimsical music)
- What's... wrong... sir?
- Uh, you-- you have a--
- Hey! Shh! Shut up! Get out of here!
(mutters)
- C-Christmas.
(whump) (cane clatters)
- Yeah, you know what'd make that even better?
- What?
- If I just ended this bullpucky right now!
- No, no, no, no!
Uh, uh, I got it.
Okay, so what if we take the most classic holiday movie of all time
and then we amp up the sex appeal?
(Christmasy music) (bell tinkles)
- Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.
- Is that right?
- And every time you think about sex, an angel loses its wings.
- Wait, what?
(angel screams)
- What the hell?! - No! I can't stop!
(angel screams)
- George, what the heck?!
You're literally looking at dead bodies and thinking about sex!
- I can't help it! I'm a man!
Okay, George, think about puppies.
Think about puppies. (George and angel groan)
(horror music)
- Oh... I guess it was me the whole time.
Oh dear.
- That's it! You're all f*cking dead!
(all protest)
(window shatters)
(boss pants)
- The storm... - It's over.
(birds chirp)
It's a Christmas miracle.
- A holiday miracle. Right, Bobby?
- No. - Okay.
- Yeah... you know what?
Take the rest of the week off.
Go spend the rest of your Christmas or holiday
with your families.
(laughter)
- Merry Christmas. - Happy Holidays.
- (narrator) And what happened then?
Well, in the board room they say
the boss's small heart grew 100 sizes that day.
(fabric stretches) - Wait!
Wait, no! No! It's only supposed to grow three sizes!
What are you doing?! NO! NO!
(groans) (blood splatters)
(Christmasy music)
- (Anthony) Hey, guys, thank you so much for subscribing.
To see bloopers from this video and this...
(moaning)
(muttering and laughter off set)
...click the video on the left.
And if you like these f*cked up holiday stories,
check out Krampus in theatres December 4th.
And if you wanna check out the trailer for it,
you can click the video on the right... right now.
- Everybody, hold onto each other.
(scary music)
(Christmasy music)