Well, in this video we're going to go through
the pros and cons of dating single moms
along with some red flags
Okay, let's go through
the pluses first.
So, what are some of the pluses
of dating a single mom?
Well, number one is
there's probably going to be less competition
because there going to be some men out there
who just simply won't want to date a single mom.
So, there will be fewer men
for her to choose from
that gives you a little bit more leverage.
Second thing is
if she's a good single mom
then she probably knows how to cook
at least, a little bit.
Or she can put food on the table
for her kids.
The third thing is
it's a built in family.
So, you don't have to worry about
whether or not she can have kids
if you do want a family
or whether or not your swimmers are working.
There's already one or more
children there for you to father
and if you're looking to be a father
and you don't want to have to go through the baby years
then you might be able to skip that.
If she's a good mom
then she probably also has a higher degree
of nurturing, stability,
and financial responsibility.
So, those are all great qualities
to be looking for in any woman
and you'll be able to see those
if she's a single mom if you look for them.
The next thing is
you know what she's going to
look like after giving birth.
So, you know how sometimes
women might gain a little bit of weight
and never lose it again after giving birth.
Well if she's already given birth
especially if she's given birth
more than once
well what you see is what you get.
So, you're not going to have to worry that,
you know, there's going to be a bait-and-switch
from having more kids down the road
probably the way she looks
is the way you're going to get her.
So, if that's important to you
and no problem if it is like,
I don't judge you for that
no one should judge you for that.
Then you're already going to know
what the bill of sale is
or something like that.
You know what I mean, yeah.
Next pro of dating a single mom is that,
if she's a good one she probably has
a higher desire
for stability, longevity, and loyalty.
So again, if she's a good mom
she's going to want what's best
not just for herself but for her kids.
So, there's a greater chance
of her being willing
to work through things
because all relationships have difficulties
and to stick it through
for the benefit of the family not just
you know, run away at the first sign.
So, that's another one
and then the final thing is that
again, if she's a good one
then she's probably not a ***
out at the bar every weekend.
Just spreading them for every Tom, Dick, and Harry.
Okay, so those are the benefits
or the potential benefits.
What about the cons?
What about the things that are
maybe not so great about
potentially dating a single mom.
Okay, well, those things are
the big one, the one you must consider
is that if things go sideways
you might be on the hook
for her kid and herself
as a dependent.
You might be financially obligated legally
to support that family.
That's a reality
you have to consider that.
So, don't move forward
without considering that
very, very real possibility
if things don't work out
she's going to want to make sure that she's looking out
for her own first.
Next thing you have to consider is that
if she's a good mom
her kids are going to be a priority
which means that
you're not going to have as much
freedom in that relationship.
So, you know kids have schedules,
kids get sick,
sometimes you just don't get
to go and do the things you would get to do
in a relationship with someone
who doesn't have kids.
And if she's a good mom
then yeah, her kids have to be for her priority.
So, that's just something that
you need to take into consideration.
Another thing is
the X is forever.
No matter how involved
the father of the child is,
unless they're like passed away
or perhaps incarcerated
a big red flag right there.
But if the father is completely out of the picture
that's one thing
but if the father is in the picture
then you are going to be dealing with another
parent and person
who has been intimate
with this woman
that might be a good relationship
if they have a reasonable relationship
or it might be not a very good relationship.
And if those kids
are going to you know,
daddy's on the weekend
and daddy's not available
well there's another
you know, inconvenience for you
or something that you're just going to have to work around.
And aside from any drama
that could potentially be
in the picture even if she's amazing.
He might have been really hurt by
the break-up and now you're dealing with
you know emotional baggage
from a relationship you had nothing to do with
real considerations here.
Another negative, I’ve been a step mom a few times
I know all about this one,
you're not my daddy
or for women you're not my mommy.
So, reality land is you do not have
very much authority
with somebody else's kids
and they are needy,
selfish, nasty, wee beings.
That's just how kids are that's how they're built.
So, you're going to have to negotiate
expectations with the mom
in order to be able
to determine just how much
influence you're going to have
with those kids and you may
have to put up with some
crap behavior from them.
Because if it's between you and the kids
again, if she's good mom she's going to have to
put her kids first depending on
what the situation is of course.
So, you know, that's for a deeper conversation
we'll leave that one alone but just know that kids
are not always fun.
Another thing that may be a deterrent about
with dating single moms is that,
she may have
physical changes that can influence
what you do in the bedroom
or how much do you do in the bedroom.
And she in other words
she might have a lower libido
or she could have like
the other physical effects of giving birth.
I mean, that's like a freaking watermelon
that comes out of there so you know,
it's just reality line.
So, let's just hope that she's done her kegels
and she's you know back on track with the
bionic for changing.
That's fixable but the libido thing,
the hormone thing that might not be fixable.
So, you definitely want to go in with
eyes wide open
especially if you want to have another kid
with this woman because even though she might be
you know, super keen right now
after you know, a second or third child
things can change
and that's actually the case with anyone
if you're going to have a child so yeah,
hormones change after giving birth sometimes
and it's not always
the best thing for a relationship
especially for a guy.
Another potential drawback
to dating a single mom is
going back to the kids.
You can't be her priority
until those kids
are out on their own so that,
however old they are
that could be a few years
or that could be you know, several years
before they are not her priority.
And the dependence in the family relationship.
So, you know you're just going to be limited a little bit
by having a family
until they're able to go out on their own.
And then on that note
another thing might be that once they are gone,
the dynamic and the relationship might change
because you know people come together
because they need each other
or want each other or desire each other
for different reasons.
If those you know, if the dynamics of a relationship
change down the road and this can happen in any
couples relationship where they have kids
as you know kids finally leave the house
they have nothing left in common and they split up.
Another potential drawback is that
depending on how long she's been a single mom.
If it's longer
then she may tend to be more
bossy and dominant
because she's had to play both roles
for those children.
And again, depending on how much
the baby daddy is involved in the relationship
if there's no baby daddy then
she's having to direct that whole family situation.
So, it may take her some like conscious effort
to get back into her feminine
and there are things you can do
to encourage that.
But I'll save that for another video
but just know that initially
she'll feel like she may have
to lead and direct and schedule
because she's just been so used to doing that.
And then finally
a practical consideration is
who's going to be in the will?
Like if you both have assets is she's got assets.
When you're together for any length of time
is she going to want to will
some of her assets, all of her assets to her children.
I mean this will depend on how old they are
and you're both your financial situations
so that's just something to consider
there's too many variables to discuss here.
So, let's just now go into
some of the things that you need to consider
and like the risks of dating a woman
and some of the red flags that you want to watch for.
So, contrary to what you might think
if she doesn't make her kids
a priority and she puts you above her kids
that's actually a red flag.
Because she should put her children first.
At least for a period of time and depending on how old they are
especially if they're younger,
they need to come first
if somebody else comes before her children
then I would question her values
and because if she's that disloyal to her own
then how loyal can she be to you?
Really bigger better deal
type of thing so watch for that.
Another red flag you want to consider is
if she is super easy to hop in the sack with you
or if she is super keen to hop in the sack with you really quickly
then that's actually a red flag you might like that
because you want to have sex,
but if she's just willing to again,
just give it away for free
to anyone showing up
then she might have ulterior motives.
And that should be something that should give you concern
and even if she doesn't have ulterior motives that are
maybe finances driven or
get pregnant real quick again
or what-have-you.
It's still something that you want to
pay attention to because she should be really
being a little bit more chaste
and vetting the prospects
for whoever might be able
or might be willing
to step into these children or child or children's lives.
So, she should be a little bit choosy.
Okay, another red flag
is how many baby daddies does she have?
So, if she's got more than one baby daddy
you would definitely want to bring your own raincoat
to the rain parade.
You want to make sure that you
wear a condom because you know,
she could be looking for another support payment.
saboteur okay.
And finally the other red flag is
how soon did she split with her ex
after giving birth?
Or did she even get to give birth
did she split while she was pregnant?
Did she split while the child was really young?
The reason why you want to take note of this
is because how willing is she's going to be
to stick through a relationship
if she wasn't willing to stick through a relationship
with her child or children's father
who should be the most important person
that she tried with.
Because it's critical
especially nowadays to try
and keep the family unit together.
There's no better father for a child
than their own biological father
if he's a good man
and if he's not a good man
then that in itself should be a red flag
as to how she decided to choose him.
Why did she choose
someone who wasn't a good man
and why did it not last
long enough to provide
a solid family unit for her kids?
So, those are the things
that I've got, but there are good single moms out there.
So, I'll do another video for you on
things to watch for
if she's a good single mom
and a good one to date.
If you have any comments write them below.
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