'The Bit Of Getting Angry' Jacque Fresco's Classic Lecture Series
Alright, in talking about the same subject,
I don't know how many of you are going to be able to make this point.
The bit of getting angry ...
the habit of getting angry I should say.
We all have the habit of getting angry.
The habit of getting angry is essentially related to this:
that, for the moment, you have become subjectively involved with something.
And love, like I said before, is a very subjective thing
and therefore it tends to induce subjective aspects of behavior.
And I would suggest this:
that as you fall in love with somebody
or as you become that involved with somebody emotionally,
to be able to sit back and enjoy the relationship
and yet not get sucked into the vortex
of the ultra-subjectivity, where you lose perspective.
Let me say it another way. Yesterday I mentioned at the session that
the dangers of love
was that it was a subjective thing.
and what would take its place is "understanding"
and I'll use that word in different ways.
When I say "understanding" -
a high degree of predictability about the person you're with.
Ah, areas-... This represents a person,
and this represents that person's predictability about the other person.
Now, if I were to ask
this person that has this scale of predictability about this person
"What about thus and so?"
[He says] "Well, I don't know that person in that area."
If you can do that, it's very difficult to do.
I don't know what my car is like on mountain roads.
But I like it in the city. I like it in Miami, but in San Francisco
the car may give me a lot of different problems;
going up hills and down hills, all kinds of problems.
So when I go to San Francisco, I've got to do something else brand new.
This is an exaggerated hill in San Francisco.
When you park your car, you turn your wheels toward the curb
when you put your brakes on.
A lot of people leave the wheels headed downhill
and they pull the brakes on, the same way they pulled it on
in the flat country. And so, if the brakes were to release
at least your car will go into a building on the side of the hill
or the wheels will hit the curb.
But if you put them straight, you've made no adjustment for that new country.
So when you meet a new person,
instead of subjectively saying "I love everything about that person"
[say] "I love everything I KNOW about that person."
We also must say "What is it that I don't know about the person?"
I don't know what their work habits are like. Let's say... Can I use you?
Let's say I live with you and you're ... playing your violin.
And I say ah ... "Shit, you know,
you've been playing for 4 hours, we haven't had any time together at all."
And you say "It's just another 20 minutes" and I say "Oh, alright."
When you say "just another 20 minutes" you've contradicted my need. See?
I'm not saying this is true; it isn't true.
Because the reason I brought it up is because I have a need to be with you.
And you said "another 20 minutes," you just interrupted [my need].
Now, if you said to me
"I'm gonna play for about 4 hours, maybe 5 hours. Can you take it?"
and I said "I don't know" and you said "Tough shit. This is a must for me,
as important as our relationship, my rehearsing with violin."
Then I've got to learn to not "permit" you, but to "allow" -
I must accept that difference, without saying
"Huh! She thinks more of her violin practice than she does of me!"
Is that alright?
Now, if you are a hand holder, an all-day hand holder -
let's say you're a hand holder for 8 hours -
and I get my complete relief and kicks by holding hands for an hour and a half
and I'm completely gratified, because that's all I need,
but she needs 3 hours of it,
I have no right to say "Why don't you become a 2-hour hand holder?"
and she has no right to say "Why don't you become an 8-hour hand holder?"
You've got to understand there's a difference on the part of the other person.
And if you're more educated in that area
I would generally suggest submitting to the difference
of the person that needs the 8-hour hand holding.
You know why? Because it should be easier for you.
It's more difficult for a person that's subjectively involved.
Is there anyone that doesn't understand that?
It's easier for you.
It's easier for me!
Now, if my daughter, when she was 15, did 22 stupid things in a row,
I'm always pleasantly surprised because it wasn't 28!
Because I used to say "What can you expect of Bambi?"
(That's my daughter's name.)
What can I expect of my mother?
when my mother does 27 stupid things an hour
(I'm using derogatory language here)
because that is her pattern.
And if one day she does something really pleasant and makes several good decisions
I say "I'm sure glad you're over that" - nobody's "over that."
No personality that you've known over the years
undergoes a quantum jump in behavior.
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