BUT TODAY--
BUT TODAY, WE LEARNED WHY TRUMP MAY BE ACTING LIKE THIS.
ACCORDING TO A NEW BOOK CALLED "FIRE AND FURY," DONALD TRUMP
DIDN'T WANT TO BE PRESIDENT.
HE DIDN'T WANT HIM TO WIN.
THERE'S A NAME FOR THAT: THE MAJORITY OF AMERICAN VOTERS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) TRUMP--
( APPLAUSE ) TRUMP WAS PLANNING ON FAILING
AND WALKING AWAY WITH THE FAME AND THE MONEY.
OR, AS THE ARTICLE DESCRIBES IT, "THIS WAS A REAL-LIFE VERSION OF
MEL BROOKS' 'THE PRODUCERS.'" IN SOME WAYS, IT STILL IS.
JUST LOOK AT ALL THE HAPPY NAZIS!
>> Jon: OOOOH.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
AM I BEING TOO HARD ON NAZIS?
I DIDN'T REALIZE WE HAD SO MANY NAZI FANS HERE TONIGHT.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S A BRILLIANT PLAN.
BUT THEN TRAGEDY STRUCK: HE WON.
DONALD JR. TOLD A FRIEND THAT, ON ELECTION NIGHT, "HIS FATHER
LOOKED AS IF HE HAD SEEN A GHOST.
MELANIA WAS IN TEARS-- AND NOT OF JOY."
REALLY, MELANIA CRIED ON ELECTION NIGHT.
THAT IS THE FIRST THING WE HAVE IN COMMON.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OTHER THAN, OF COURSE, OUR SMOKY
EYES.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS )
THANK YOU.
NO, THANK YOU.
THE CAMPAIGN WAS IN SUCH DISARRAY THAT HIS CLOSEST
ADVISORS HAD NO FAITH IN HIM, LIKE TRUMP STRATEGIST AND
VINCENT D'ONOFRIO FROM "MEN IN BLACK," STEVE BANNON.
"GOT ANY SUGAR WATER?" WHEN HE CAME ON BOARD IN AUGUST,
BANNON THOUGHT THE CAMPAIGN WAS DONE FOR.
HE DESCRIBED IT AS "THE BROKE DICK CAMPAIGN."
OUR PREVIOUS PRESIDENT WAS A PROFESSOR OF CONSTITUTIONAL LAW.
BUT IN TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN EARLY ON, "A CAMPAIGN STAFFER WAS SENT
TO EXPLAIN THE CONSTITUTION TO THE CANDIDATE."
YOU CAN'T HAVE A PRESIDENT WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE
CONSTITUTION IS.
THAT'S LIKE A PILOT SAYING, "ATTENTION, PASSENGERS, WE ARE
HEADING TOWARDS HOUSTON SO JUST SIT BACK AND ENJOY THE FLIGHT.
ONE QUICK THING, IF ANYONE BACK THERE KNOWS HOW TO GET TO
HOUSTON AND LAND A PLANE, PLEASE, JUST PUSH YOUR CALL
BUTTON.
AND I'M NOT SURE WHICH BUTTON THAT ONE STHOUGH."
( LAUGHTER ) >> AND NOBODY IN TRUMP'S CIRCLE
SEEMED TO LIKE HIM VERY MUCH.
DURING THE TRANSITION TRUMP CALLED MURDOCH TO FLOAT A PLAN
THAT MURDOCH THOUGHT WOULD ALIENATE HIS BASE.
WHEN HE GOT OFF THE PHONE, MURDOCH REPORTEDLY SHRUGGED AND
SAID, "WHAT A (BLEEP) IDIOT."
TWO THINGS, MR. MURDOCH, ONE, YOU'RE AN AUSTRALIAN.
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT OUR PRESIDENT THAT WAY.
AND, 2, IS AUSTRALIA CURRENT ACCEPTS APPLICATION?
BECAUSE I'VE HEARD OUR PRESIDENT IS A (BLEEP) IDIOT.
EVEN TRUMP--
THANK YOU, MR. MURDOCH.
ALL OF THIS PROVES ONCE AGAIN, WHICH IT COMES TO MR. TRUMP
EVERYTHING IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU THOUGHT IT WAS.
HIS ENTIRE SCHTICK IS JUST TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU YOU'RE
CRAZY FOR SEEING WHAT'S OBVIOUS WHICH MAKES SENSE.
THAT'S BASICALLY HOW YOU SELL LUXURY REAL ESTATE.
WAIT, WHY IS THIS SO EXPENSIVE?
AND WHY IS YOUR NAME ON THE BUILDING YOU? DIDN'T EVEN BUILD
IT?
"I'LL TELL YOU, BECAUSE IT'S GOT GOLD LEAF AND FAUX MARBLE FLOORS
AND LOTS OF FANCY FRENCH STUFF LIKE A BIDET AND A FOYER.
BY THE WAY, DON'T GET THOSE TWO CONFUSED."
TRUST ME.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) DO YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS EXACTLY
HOW YOU THINK IT IS?
TRUMP AND HIS CAMPAIGN AND RUSSIA.
ONCE AGAIN, LET'S GO TO ANOTHER BOMBSHELL FROM FORMER TRUMP
ADVISER AND WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOUR SYPHILIS GETS HERPES, STEVE
BANNON.
( LAUGHTER ) IN HIS BOOK-- IN THIS BOOK--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IN THIS SAME BOOK, BANNON
UNLOADED ON DON JR. FOR HIS INFAMOUS TRUMP TOWER MEETING
WITH RUSSIANS, SAYING, "EVEN IF YOU THOUGHT THAT THIS WAS NOT
TREASONOUS OR UNPATRIOTIC OR BAD (BLEEP)-- AND I HAPPEN TO THINK
IT'S ALL OF THAT-- YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED THE F.B.I.
IMMEDIATELY."
SO HE THINKS MANAFORT, DON JR., AND KUSHNER DID SOMETHING
"TREASONOUS, UNPATRIOTIC, AND BAD (BLEEP)."
COINCIDENTALLY, THOSE ARE ALSO THEIR SECRET SERVICE CODE
NAMES.
(BLEEP) BEST OF ALL-- YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
WORST OF ALL, BANNON THINKS THEY DID IT WRONG.
"THE THREE SENIOR GUYS IN THE CAMPAIGN THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD
IDEA TO MEET WITH A FOREIGN GOVERNMENT INSIDE TRUMP TOWER,"
WHEN THEY SHOULD HAVE DONE IT AT "A HOLIDAY INN IN MANCHESTER,
NEW HAMPSHIRE."
SO HE'S BASICALLY SAYING "IT WAS UNPATRIOTIC TREASON!
HERE'S HOW I WOULD HAVE DONE IT."
( LAUGHTER ) AND BANNON THINKS THEY SHOULD
HAVE HAD THEIR LAWYERS THERE SO ANY INFORMATION COULD THEN BE
DUMPED DOWN TO BREITBART, OR MAYBE SOME OTHER,
MORE-LEGITIMATE PUBLICATION.
MORE LEGITIMATE THAN BREITBART?
SO BAZOOKA JOE COMICS.
AND AND THE PLACEMAT AT LONG JOHN
SILVERS.
FIND THE MAIZE.
GO THROUGH THE MAZE.
THE COLLUSION IS AT THE CENTER OF THE MAZE.
AND BANNON IS NOT CONFIDENT THAT DON JR. CAN HANDLE THE PRESSURE
OF TESTIFYING BEFORE CONGRESS, SAYING, "THEY'RE GOING TO CRACK
DON JR. LIKE AN EGG ON NATIONAL TV."
THEY SURE ARE.
CNN IS ALREADY RUNNING A PROMO.
>> THIS IS THE SENATE.
THIS IS DON JR. TESTIFYING BEFORE THE SENATE.
ANY QUESTIONS?
>> Stephen: YEAH, I HAVE A QUESTION.
HOW SOON CAN THAT HAPPEN?
THIS AFTERNOON--
SUPERBOWL RATINGS.
SUPERBOWL RATE.
RATINGS.
THIS AFTERNOON, TRUMP FIRED BACK HARD.
"STEVE BANNON HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME OR MY PRESIDENCY.
WHEN HE WAS FIRED, HE NOT ONLY LOST HIS JOB.
HE LOST HIS MIND."
NOW ALL HE HAS TO DO IS LOSE HIS DOG, AND HE'S GONNA HAVE AN
AWESOME COUNTRY SONG.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) STILL-- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
STILL--
STILL, "LOST HIS MIND"?
THAT'S HARSH.
WHAT KIND OF STUFF HAS BANNON BEEN SAYING SINCE HE WAS
FIRED?
>> EVERY PERSON IN THIS COUNTRY SHOULD GET DOWN EVERY NIGHT AND
THANK GOD DONALD TRUMP IS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
>> Stephen: CLEARLY INSANE.
( APPLAUSE ) DONALD TRUMP EVEN DOWNPLAYED
BANNON'S ROLE ON THE CAMPAIGN, SAYING, "STEVE WAS A STAFFER WHO
WORKED FOR ME AFTER I HAD ALREADY WON THE NOMINATION"
YEAH, BANNON WAS JUST A STAFFER.
OR AS SOME PEOPLE PRONOUNCE IT "CAMPAIGN C.E.O."
( LAUGHTER ) THOUGH, TRUMP ARGUED, "STEVE HAD
VERY LITTLE TO DO WITH OUR HISTORIC VICTORY."
I DO AGREE WITH TRUMP THERE.
THAT VICTORY WAS THE SELFLESS, UNCREDITED WORK OF ONE
EAGER YOUNG STAFFER.
TRUMP, TRUMP-- NEVER-- NEVER LEARNED HIS NAME.
DON'T KNOW WHO THAT KID IS.
THAT KID'S GOING PLACES.
>> Jon: I NEVER MET HIM, YEAH.
>> Stephen: TRUMPED WRAPPED IT ALL UP BY SAYING THAT WHILE HE
AND HIS SUPPORTERS ARE TRYING TO BUILD THE COUNTRY BACK UP,
BANNON IS "SIMPLY SEEKING TO BURN IT ALL DOWN."
THIS GUY'S CRAZY.
I MEAN, HE GOT ME ELECTED.
EVEN I DIDN'T WANT THAT."
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT...