What is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?
I called the cops on myself because I thought I saw a ghost.
Was working midnight shift at an old movie theater.
After the last person left, I confused the shadow of my torso reflecting onto the empty movie screen for a disembodied ghost.
I ran and told the manager, and because I had planted the "ghost" idea in his mind, he went in, saw *his* shadow and decided there was in fact a ghost, and called the cops.
A cop arrived, we told him what we thought we saw, he rolled his eyes at us and went into the theater.
But we had planted the idea in his mind already too, and he came out with his hand on his gun and a bit pale in the face.
He called more cops.
A second cop arrived, went into the theater, realized we had seen our own shadows, and came out laughing his ass off at all 3 of us.
Manager and I were embarrassed, but omg that poor first cop.
Eventually there were 10 cops there and some were laughing so hard at him, that they had to support themselves on the sides of their squad cars.
Between bouts of laughter, one made a spooky ghost sound, and another mimed putting him in handcuffs as they both laughed even harder, and that
made all the rest of them completely lose their beep laughing.
When I was fourteen I was starting to get these pains in my stomach.
After about a week they were crippling.
I realized that I hadn’t pooped in a while and that I was extremely constipated.
I took otc laxatives but they didn’t do anything.
Eventually I go to the hospital and they’re trying to figure out why I can’t poop.
I’m laying in the bed in excruciating pain and the doctor asks me to try and remember the last time I had pooped.
I thought and thought and thought and then it dawned on me.
The last time I had pooped was on Feb 14, Valentine’s Day.
This turned out to be significant because it was on that day that my teacher had brought in a bunch of muffins for the class.
Being a 14 years old, one of my friends dared me to eat the muffin rapper... which I did.
I told this story to the doctor.
The doctor said it was probably obstructing my intestines.
And they would try a water suppository to flush it out.
I was a very smart kid but I remember my dad looking at me like I was a complete moron.
Luckily the suppository worked and I had about 3-4 weeks of beep come out.
Edit: By popular request... how big was the poop?
When you get the suppository they tell you to wait as long as you can so the water makes it as far up the intestinal track as possible.
I waited maybe 15-20 minutes before I couldn’t handle the sensation anymore.
I scurry over to the toilet they have waiting for me.
I notice that it’s quite tall and probably twice the volume of a normal toilet.
I probably sat on that sucker for a good 30 mins of near constant expulsion.
Unfortunately this is 2004 and I didn’t have anything that could take pictures.
But I seem to remember the toilet being about 1/3-1/2 full.
So if you do the toilet math... that’s like filling a civilian toilet.
And yes, it was quiet nice, minus all the sweeting.
when I was a kid I had really dry eyes for a time and I told my sister, between us we decided that the best course of action was to smear a bunch of my mums face cream into my eyes to try and stop the dryness.
This, of course, went as well as you'd expect & my eyes immediately went red and swollen & since I couldn't blink away the thick layer of cream straight away I was convinced I was blind forever & went blundering out into the hallway crying and made it half way down the stairs before I tripped & fell.
I like to imagine my parents hearing the commotion and seeing one child rolling down the stairs screaming & crying with two giant lavender scented blobs of cream for eyeballs and the other child staring in horror from the top of the stairs desperately trying to wipe the incriminating lotion off her hands
Paid $500 for bar tending lesson/certification and haven’t tended bar once in all my 29 years or even really tried.
Broke the window of the principals office, not on purpose,I was throwing a stone at a tree but my aim was so bad it took a 90° turn and went right into his window.
When I was a kid, I took my Nintendo apart so that I could use the parts to build a remote control airplane.
I was 4 or 5 years old and my little brothers and I were jumping on our parents' water bed with Q-tips in our ears cause we thought it looked funny.
I was jealous that my brothers both had Q-tips that were bent in silly shapes in their ears while mine were perfectly straight.
I jumped off the top of the headrest and landed ear-first on the bed in an attempt to bend my Q-tip more than theirs to assert dominance as the eldest brother.
Q-tip pierced through my eardrum and went all the way inside my ear.
Looking back I don't think I've ever heard of anyone doing anything stupider than that in my whole life.
Hit a golf ball onto a recently drained lake and decided it was playable from the "mud."
On my third step onto the lake I sank up to my chest.
Took a chain of three people to pull me out, and my God the smell.
Should've taken the penalty
Drunkenly sold my landlord’s lamps while living in her apartment.
I once tried to eat my phone while wearing a mask because I simultaneously forgot that I had the mask on and also forgot which hand was carrying my phone and which was carrying the cookie I was eating.
Edit: I remembered another one.
Was dreaming I was swishing some mouthwash around, then I woke up halfway, just enough to realize that I no longer had a sink in front of me but not enough to realize that I didn't actually have Listerine in my mouth.
Figuring I couldn't just swallow mouthwash, I instead elected to spit into my blanket and wash it later.
This was a conscious thought process, albeit one heavily muddled by sleep.
Forgot my own phone number while leaving my client a voicemail.
This was yesterday.
I didn't do it, but I nearly jumped off a 30 metre drop without the safety cable attached to me.
( I think it was meant to be a bungee thing without bouncing back up.)
I was just so ready to get it over with, I didn't look before I lept and the guy on the deck with me grabbed me when he saw I was ready to jump and yelled " Holy, I haven't attached the cable yet!"
Nearly died over something so stupid.
My excuse is that I was 14 at the time.
Edit: Wow this blew up.
My top comment is how I was a dumbass during my teen years great.
A little background I had my eyes shut the whole time I was up there.
So when he attached the harness and said "All set."
I thought that was my queue to go 😳.
Also, it was an auto belay.
We got drunk at some chicks house who I’d never met before.
The place got pretty trashed so when she went to bring a friend home she asked if we’d clean up a bit.
I’m still pretty lit at this point and see all these half full cups all over.
The kitchen sink was full so the best idea I could come up with was vacuum out the liquid and dump the cups.
It makes the funniest gurgling, slurping sound I’ve ever heard so I go about sucking up about 100oz of liquid into this vacuum.
The chick comes home while I’m about 90% through all the glasses and stops dead.
I turn around and look at the vacuum, which is one of those old ones with a fabric bag on it, and it’s a deluge of jungle juice pouring into the carpet.
I turn back to her, completely deadpan as the concept of what’s happening is only now dawning on my alcohol soaked brain, and say “your vacuum cleaner’s drunk”.
She promptly kicked us out and I never saw the poor girl again.
Moral of the story, don’t let beep 16 year olds get drunk at your house.
Tried to have a constructive conversation with someone with a differing opinion via social media.
Was baking bread and had a pyrex dish with water in the bottom of the oven for moisture.
Checked the oven, water was gone, my dumbass decides I need to pour more water in.
A split second flash of what would happen goes through my brain but I do it anyway.
Cool tap water + hot pyrex and BOOOOM!
beep explodes everywhere.
I've been finding random bits of pyrex in my kitchen for years now.
So, that.
And heroin.
Unknowingly walked through gang territory late into the night by myself
Waiter: How was your food?
Me: I'm fine thank you
Lost my phone in my bedroom.
To help locate it, I tried calling it using my phone.
Had a friend move in with me and my girlfriend because his depression was worsening due to living with his Mom at 26.
Gradually began badmouthing me in front of and behind my back to my girlfriend.
This evolved into her going to him with things she didnt like or agree with in our relationship.
This ended up leaving me virtually homeless to be with him when she kicked me out during Christmas/New Years holiday.
getting addicted to heroin.
last used was june 2017 when my stuff was cut with fentanyl and I overdosed standing in line at a CVS to buy insulin needles.
Good thing I didn't get a chance to put it in my arm.
Drunkingly ate two Carolina reapers, buddies dad grows peppers.
Next thing I know I'm over the toilet puking up what felt like lava.
Probably that time I full on beep my pants in the street, waddled a block home to use my bathroom, then dropped my keys into my filthy toilet while I was trying to take off my beep pants.
A couple of years ago the 4th of July was a few days away, so all of the stores had decorations and clothes with stars or red, white, and blue.
In a busy clothing store I, with no hesitation, picked up a shirt with a blue star on it and across the clothing section I asked my mom, “Mom, when is the 4th of July?”.
You can imagine how embarrassing that was when everyone turned and looked at me.
I can only think of what was going through their minds.
Brought a BB gun to school to trade with my friend for his Playstation.
Sadly though the BB gun looked like a real gun and was just after columbine and I went to school in Colorado.
A student saw it and reported it and beep hit the fan pretty damn hard for me in 5th grade.
Got expelled for it and made the local newspaper.
I was anticipating having sex for the first time and decided to completely shave my entire area down there and when the girl saw my junk she laughed and said, " I like men, not children and walked away".
Paid $60,000 on a house renovation without really vetting the contractor.
It looks okay and they worked hard enough but they didn't address a floor that was sagging.
Now it's very noticeable and extremely hard to rectify without dismantling the entire kitchen.
May your day be filled with joy and happiness.
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